


May's Story

by Brazendale



Category: Lilies - Fandom, The Grand (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 09:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 59,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brazendale/pseuds/Brazendale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The continuing story of Lilies.</p><p>My version of what happens to May after Richard has left and how she manages to bring up her child as an unmarried mother under very difficult circumstances.</p><p>No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[](http://s1110.photobucket.com/albums/h441/bontemps8/?action=view&current=MaysStory_zps69df3914.jpg)

 

‘I love you May Moss you do know that don’t you?’ May swallowed and continued staring out across the small tract of park land. The weak winter sun had been shining all afternoon but right at that moment a cloud had scurried across it, blocking out the paltry warmth it had afforded against the cold breeze that had suddenly sprung up. She pulled her thread bear coat a little closer to her in a feeble attempt to block out the wind but it did little to prevent the shiver that suddenly shook through her. She glanced down at her gloved hands. She always wore gloves no matter where she went and whatever the weather conditions, they were her saving grace against the unwanted stares that she felt she guiltily received whenever out with Victor. 

It wasn’t his fault. Let the sins of his father be cast where they will, the child was not to be held to blame, how could he be at fault, he was an angel, her angel. He was the only good thing to come out of her love and her lover. She shuddered at the thought and tore her mind away. No, she could not and would not open that door in her mind. She could not think of him, of Richard, of her Mr Brazendale.  
But that was just it wasn’t it, he wasn’t hers, he never would be.

‘Will you marry me?’ 

Her mind was torn back to the present, away from those days over three years ago now or was it four, her mind numbly blocking her from even thinking too deeply about time, a time when she had had a life and a love and a lover. And now, now all she had to show for it was a locked draw full of unopened letters and Victor. She had known of course, when the first letter arrived three weeks after he had sailed, that it was from him. Even had the stamp and postage mark on the letter sent from New York not given it away, she would have known any way… she recognised the hand writing immediately.

Lord knows she had seen his writing often enough when she had dusted and polished his mahogany desk in the corner of the drawing room, his flowing and beautiful hand writing a testament to his Father, the self - made man’s want for a private school education for his only child had been evident in more than just his hand writing and his diction, it permeated his very being. Nothing but the best for him, she thought resentfully as her eyes swept the play- ground in the rather forlorn plot of land where her poor but loved son played. 

The letters arrived once a week on a regular basis, every week, every month, year after year. She had never opened one single one, never read their contents and had little idea of what he had written. She dare not open them for opening them would open her heart to a world of pain, a pain that she could not share with anyone, not even Iris with whom she felt the closest and now with Iris away in the convent …no, she couldn’t think of that either, just another loss in her life. No, no one fully realised the torment that she went through at night in bed when the lights were out and she had a few moments to herself, the only person that she had come close to sharing her tragedy with was her current employer, Mrs Thomas. 

Ironical, she thought as she sat there, how ironical it was that because of the glowing references he had given her she had eventually, after two years of struggling and living off Billy and Ruby’s support, she had finally squared her shoulders and gone out to find employment, Victor being left in the capable hands of all those family members more than willing to take him including Dada’s newly acquired wife.

May, for once, had luck on her side when she had answered an advertisement for a parlour maid to the Thomas’s, for some reason she had an instant rapport with the mistress of the house who immediately recognised something different about May, something more than any of the many others that she had interviewed for the position, she had an air of one who had experienced the other side of the green baize door that separated the family from the staff and that had intrigued her. She wanted to know more about this applicant, she wanted to know her history, her life and more than anything else, she wanted to know what was behind the tragedy she recognised in her eyes. 

So May started out doing what she knew best, back in service in a household of semi affluence but this time there was a difference for within a short space of time her employer was so taken with her abilities that she hired a new parlour maid and promoted May to lady’s maid but in reality she was fast becoming a companion for her. Impressed by her empathy and care for her fragile health after the birth of her three children and her devotion to her husband and family and charitable good works, Mrs Thomas or Margo, as she insisted May call her, found a willing and sympathetic listener to her endless admiration of her husband and praise of her three angelic children.

It was during a health crisis for the youngest child Teddy, when a bout of Scarlet Fever threatened the child’s mortality that in a moment of weakness, May broke down and confessed her circumstances to Margo, the thought of losing her precious Victor had weighed on her mind as she watched Margo’s fear for her beloved youngest child gripping her employer. Margo had been so touched when she had found May crying on the landing outside the sick room door that she had insisted upon her telling her what was wrong and May, unable to hold back her fears any longer, had recounted her story to the sympathetic woman.  
Once May began to talk of Victor she was unable to stop and although she did not intend to discuss his father or the circumstances of her affair, Margo’s gentle but kindly meant questions bought a flood gate of emotions bursting open from her and May finally was able to unburden herself of all the pent up and hidden feelings she had carried with her like bags filled with rocks for so long. 

Margo did not judge her, who was she to judge anyone was her motto, there but for the grace of god go I, that was one of her favourite sayings but she was more than a little disgusted at the treachery of a woman who would allow another woman to be used so liberally to gain the birth of a child such as Madeleine Brazendale had. Margo loved her husband and children beyond breath and would do anything for them but she did have to wonder at the morality of it all. As for him, well she kept her thoughts to herself on that matter least she say too much to the already distraught May but she dearly would like to sit down and talk to him and ask his motives in the sorry affair.

‘And in all this time you have heard nothing from him my dear?’ Margo was questioning quietly as she comforted May. ‘He writes every week’ she responded, ‘every single week without fail.’ ‘But what does he say, surely if he is writing then that shows he cares still.’ May shook her head. ‘I don’t know what he says, I have never opened a single letter from him.’ Margo shook her head sadly. What a terrible predicament and what a weight to carry upon such young shoulders she thought.

From that moment onwards there had been a shift in the relationship between Margo and May. If previously Margo had thought May to be caring and thoughtful she now thought her to be stoic, brave beyond words and perhaps the most companionable person of her acquaintance. She went out of her way to make sure that May had lighter duties and got enough rest to be able to go home and take on her motherly role and she even insisted on her bringing Victor along with her to be a play mate for Teddy once he had fully recovered from his near deathly experience, revelling in the delight of the two young boys playing together and the happiness it bought to both herself and to May. 

Those days were one of the few highlights that May looked forward to apart from her half days off when she would spend all her waking time with Victor taking him to the park and on little outings when she could afford to do so. She had taken him to the zoo and he had been delighted with all the animals, clapping with delight at the antics of the monkeys, shrieking with laughter as he watched fascinated by the seals splashing and diving in and out of their pool but it was the birds and their colourful feathers that he loved the most. ‘I want to fly’ he had declared on their way home on the bus, ‘I want to fly like a bird Mummy and one day I will’ he insisted, much to the amusement of the other passengers. ‘One day Daddy will come and take me flying won’t he.’

May had gone pale at his words. She never spoke of Richard to Victor other than to tell him that his Father had gone to another country to work and that he couldn’t live with them. That was all she had ever been able to bring herself to say and even that mention of him had torn her heart to pieces. He was a closed book and apart from her revelation to Margo she never spoke of him, never mentioned his name to anyone and none of the family did either, even the tactless Ruby who was so unforgiving of him, thought better than to broach the topic to spare May’s feelings.

So her life went on and Victor grew. He had as normal a child hood as May could give him and what he may have been missing in creature comforts and Fatherly guidance was made up for in family love and home nurturing. He had Billy for male company and even Dada had come around, Grandfatherly pride in the stunning looking child with his bluest of blue eyes and fair complexion, winning personality and catching smile could charm even the most unforgiving and righteous of neighbours and wrap his pious Grandfather around his little finger. He was the spitting image of his Father and had the same personality and winning ways. He was going to be a knock-out and May burst with pride whenever she looked at him but there were times that he wore his Father’s expressions on his face and it hurt, it hurt her deeply.

The other male influence in Victor’s life was Frank, good old trust worthy Frank. Frank had been there for her all through her troubles. He was there now to make or to mend home-made broken toys, to go on walks, to join in birthdays, Christmases and family gatherings. He was always there, rather like a comfortable pair of slippers that you put on at the end of the day. There was nothing exciting about him, he just plodded along, practical and sturdy, being a good listener to all the little day to day dramas of life in the Moss household, a voice of reason when all else failed to stem the tide of Dada’s behaviour or Ruby’s outlandish schemes. Yes, Frank was Frank, Mr Dependable May thought, but that was all.

‘Will you marry me May Moss?’ Frank was asking with such sincerity in his voice that had it been a question put to any other woman their heart would have melted and they would surely have jumped at the chance to have such a sturdy man and answered yes to any man that looked at them the way he was looking at May right now. He was perfect in all aspects except for one….he was not Richard.

‘Don’t be daft.’ May almost snapped at him then remorse overwhelmed her. How very ungrateful she must seem when after all, Frank had been more of a Father to Victor than anyone else had ever been. ‘Thank you Frank,’ she softened, ‘but I never want to get married.’ He said nothing for a moment but thought a great deal, silently to himself, of his longing over the years for her, the pain of the realisation that she was pregnant to a married man, the birth of her child and then the horror of her abandonment. 

It was some moments before he looked at her with pity and understanding in his eyes saying, ‘It’s him isn’t it, it’s because of your precious Mr Brazendale isn’t it May?’ He had never mentioned him before, never spoken his name but now he could not keep silent. He kept the tone of his voice as neutral as he could, hiding the overwhelming resentment he felt towards the ever present, but barely below the surface, shadowy figure that he knew in his heart would always stand between them. 

She dropped her eyes least they betray her real feelings at the mention of his name. ‘No it’s not. I just don’t ever want to get married. Marriage is for others but not for me,’ she answered, jutting her chin out stubbornly and setting her face with determination as she looked away. ‘May Moss I am not going to take that as your final answer. I will make you change your mind, just you wait and see. I can be just as stubborn as you, you know and well, Victor needs a Father in his life. You know that is true and you know that I can give that to him and to you, you know that I can.’

Frank had resorted to playing the one card up his sleeve that he knew would break down May’s armour if anything could and put a chink in her closed heart. He knew that the only hope he had was appealing to the love that she felt for her son and if that was what he had to do to make her accept him then he was not afraid of doing it. He was sure that once they were married she would come to love him and forget…  
He hoped that he could make her forget that she had ever known Richard Brazendale.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank launches what he considers to be a subtle campaign to win over May's heart and mind.
> 
> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

[](http://s1110.photobucket.com/albums/h441/bontemps8/?action=view&current=MaysStory_zps69df3914.jpg)

Frank, true to his word, mounted his subtle campaign immediately. The fact that May was totally unaware of what he was up to was a testament to his determination to ingratiate his way into her heart without her even knowing it, slow and steady was his motto, a bit like himself really. His plan involved not so much winning her over but winning the rest of the family, including Victor, and making himself so accepted as an everyday part of May’s whole life that before she knew it he would be there by her side all the time, even more than he was right now.

He set to work on the least forgiving of the Moss clan first in the form of Ruby. Ruby’s fortunes had definitely improved over the last three years. The experience that she had gained from working in the corsetry garment field had piqued her interest in of all things, in fashion, as unlikely as it was. She knew women’s figures and recognised what was flattering and what wasn’t and put her knowledge to good use when she applied, and was accepted, into the House of Madame Rosemarie’s Haute Couture, the most fashionable dressmaker this side of the Wirral.

She had always been handy with a needle and thread so starting out as a seamstress doing the menial tasks in the back end of the garment industry was going to be a long hall but despite the minor hiccup of sewing a sleeve to a neckline the first week of her employment - a normally unforgivable occurrence, the Madame of Madame Rosemarie, who just happened to be a small shrewd business woman from Lancashire whose real name was Flossie Jenkins, she decided to take advantage of Ruby’s experience handling clients and promoted her to Chanteuse within one year of her commencement of employment. This was normally unheard of. It simply did not happen in the big fashion houses of London, New York or Paris but this was provincial northern England and as close to glamour that Ruby ever thought she would get to.

As her reputation grew so did her dissatisfaction with her home life and her circumstances until finally one day, in a desperate move to alienate herself from her beginnings and taking a leaf out of Madame’s penchant for all things French, she declared dramatically that from now on she only wished to be addressed as Claudette. ‘Ruby Moss’ Dada screamed at her when news filtered through the Moss household, ‘you are a disgrace to the name of Moss. Have you no pride in your heritage? I will not have a daughter of mine called after some French floozy,’ he raged at her.

The stubborn streak within the womanly side of the Moss girls stirred within her, but for the sake of peace, she relented and agreed that when at home she would answer to the name of Ruby however from the moment she left the house she was to be addressed as Claudette to the rest of the world.

No one else in the house took much notice of Ruby’s ‘career’ or her change of name and over all attempt to leave behind what she considered to be her tawdry back ground but Frank. He was at pains to abide by her wishes every time he saw her, even going to the extent of procuring the latest in fashionable magazines that he sent away for from Paris at no little expense to himself, but minor the usual postage charges. Ruby was won over and Frank was on his way to winning his hearts and minds campaign.

Following this small success the next on his list of candidates was the formidable Mr Moss. To say that the family had been shocked to the core when out of the blue Dada had come home and announced some eighteen months ago that he was to be married, was the grossest understatement in the history of the family. Even Iris, when she was told of the forth coming nuptials, was stunned. 

After the shock of May’s predicament had worn off, the family had all banded together to ride out the storm and that included Dada. He had taken the pledge and was off he drink and although he was not happy with the state of affairs that had befallen them, he did learn a lesson from it and promised his dear departed wife’s picture, broken glass and all, hanging like a shrine in the best front room, that he would attempt to turn over a new leaf as far as curbing his temperament and temper went. 

Whether or not it had anything to do with the pledge or change of attitude or both, almost immediately his fortunes began to look up too and when opportunity knocked he was never one to disregard it. A chance occurrence unlooked for presented itself purely by accident one day as he was out snaring rabbits in the tract of forest that formed part of the common. A horse came thundering out of the thick under growth, stumbled and threw its rider, fate stepping in to his life with some very unexpected consequences.

He managed to help the hapless rider as she lay prone on the ground with a severely bruised pride and badly twisted ankle and at the same time take charge of the horse and secure it to a tree so that he could administer to Lady Prudence Montgomery of the adjoining estate. His reward for getting her safely back on to the horse and leading her home, making sure that no other mishaps occurred, was to be invited to an informal tea as a way of thanks. That is where he came to meet his precious future wife Doris Whiteacre, house keeper to the estate.

All of this he kept to himself and it was not until he had secured a promise of marriage from her that he announced the astonishing news to the rest of his family. They were shocked. They knew that he had finally gained regular employment, the Lord of the estate, Lady Prudence’s father, having heard of his daughter’s scrape, had been impressed by Dada’s quick thinking and had insisted on meeting him personally, the meeting leading to a position on his staff as a sort of grounds keeper come animal handler and go to for all things flora and fauna related. 

Doris was a no nonsense church going widow with three grown children of her own. She had been married to a sea captain who had been in the merchant navy during the Great War and had gone down with his ship along with most of his crew when it hit a mine in the Atlantic leaving Doris trying to survive on her pitifully small Navy Widows Allowance. It was under these circumstances that she had sought gainful employment and had been fortunate enough to be taken on as housekeeper to the estate where she had been happily ensconced for the past several years. She had never had any thoughts of remarrying but for some reason she took a shine to Mr Moss and empathised with his devotion to his departed wife, the church and his strong beliefs. To put it in a nut shell, they hit it off and never looked back. 

Although Dada was now married and living in the old gate keeper cottage on the grounds of the estate, he still played a big part in the lives of the Moss family and was at the family home more than perhaps the girls and Billy would have liked. He doted on little Victor and gave that as his excuse for being there so often but truth be told, he still liked to think of himself of the patriarch of the family even if he had loosened the reins a little. Frank always seemed to manage to be there when ever Dada was there, always interested in what he was saying, taking in his beliefs and reflections on life and trying to remain in his good books by bringing him a large and varied range of works about animal anatomy, including a copy of Darwin’s Voyage of Beagle and his amazing discoveries that was to become a favourite with him, various publications and such like, in fact anything that he thought would ingratiate himself with Moss Senior. It worked, Frank knew in his heart that he could count on Mr Moss to be on his side, this was going to be easier than he had expected he thought confidently.

The next challenge facing Frank was no challenge at all as he had already lost his heart to Victor and looked on him like a son. Right from the start he had locked away the fact that he was not Victor’s father and all the implications that came with it. Frank was not really a very sexual being and although virginity was still very much considered to be a prized possession to be celebrated between husband and wife on their wedding night, he was so very much in love with May that overlooking her indiscretion was not that hard for him, or so he told himself even though in the back of his mind he resented the hell out of Richard Brazendale and felt he never could or would forgive him for stealing May’s heart away.

Because Frank was there so often, Victor took it for granted that he was just part of his family and treated him accordingly, sharing little day to day pieces of news that were important in the child’s life like the time when playing with Teddy the two of them had decided to pick bunches of lavender for Margo and May and had each been stung by a bee, Victor running proudly with his arm out stretched to show ‘Uncle Fwank’ the lump and spot on his arm, wearing it like a trophy.

He also got into the habit of displaying the contents of his pockets to him, discussing the usefulness of the piece of string he always carried, the blue cats eye tom bowler glass marble he had won from Teddy even though they were both really too young to be playing anything but a rudimentary game, and various bits and pieces of the usual useful things that boys of that age considered to be of merit; a broken bottle top, an old rusty key that he was convinced fitted the lock to a treasure chest and his very most prize possession – a scrap of old leather with scribbles on it that Frank had planted deliberately for him to find in the tiny back garden and he assured him was the torn fragment of a real honest to goodness treasure map, just like in the bed time stories he read to the child every night at his insistence.

It was one particular instance more than any other that convinced Frank that he was Father Material and that sooner or later May must come to realise it. It had been an average day at post office and being a Saturday and the mail deliveries being lighter than normal, he had completed his rounds quicker than he normally would and had been allowed to finish up earlier than usual. Peddling through the streets on a sunny afternoon, he was happily whistling to himself thinking that life was not too bad and his prospects of winning May getting that much closer that he was going to take pot luck and invite her out to the picture theatre that night, there was a new Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford film that he knew May had been talking about and wanted to see, so he was going to ask her to come with him, he had even bought a box of chocolates in advance to tempt her but as he got off his bike and knocked on the front door he was alarmed to hear the screams of Victor coming from inside the house.

May threw open the front door and Frank was hit by the wails of the child coming from the kitchen. ‘Oh thank god you are here,’ May breathed as she took his hand and fairly dragged him down the hall and flung open the kitchen door to find Victor in Ruby’s arms crying his little lungs out. ‘Now then,’ Frank said kindly ‘what’s all this noise about then?’ At the sound of his voice the child threw his arms out, turning his tear stained face to him. ‘Fwank, I want Fwank,’ he sobbed. ‘It’s alright now, I am here,’ he said comfortingly, ‘come on then, tell me all about it,’ as he picked him up in his arms and sat in the most comfortable chair cradling the child while he rocked him.

‘The wind blew the gate,’ his little voice sobbed as he held up his hand to reveal swollen and bruised fingers with two nasty blood clots on his two middle fingers. ‘He won’t let me touch them to check them,’ May fretted as she looked at his fingers so elegantly shaped with their delicate nails, just like his Father’s she was thinking sub consciously. ‘Can you wiggly your fingers for me,’ he asked the child and giving a small nod, he managed to move his damaged digits. ‘Now do you think that you could be brave and let me feel them to make sure they are all still there,’ he teased him, attempting to make a joke out of it to allay the boy’s fears. He nodded and hiccupped a small yes. ‘Mm yes I see,’ Frank said, ‘everything is alright and there are no broken bones,’ he reassured May after his examination. 

May positively beamed with relief at Frank. ‘Now how about we get you some supper and then a cup of coco and up the wooden hill for you and to bed? I will read you a whole chapter of Budge and Betty and you know that we are up to where they are off in a plane to visit the elves with the Prince and after that I will even read you some Tiger Tim if you are still awake.’ By now Victor had calmed down and even managed to smile a little at the thought of all the stories. ‘Mummy,’ he said and wriggled down off Frank’s lap and scampered over to her. She picked him up and moved him over onto her hip as she kissed his cheek softly. ‘You will stay to supper then won’t you?’ she asked as she turned her pale face to Frank. She was still a little shaky after feeling so helpless at the sight of her child’s hurt. ‘I would love to May, thank you.’ She looked at him thoughtfully before quietly responding, ‘It is the least I can do,’ and she gave him a sincerely grateful smile.

Supper was over and the promised stories had been read to Victor until he had fallen asleep clutching a toy plane that Frank had given him for a Christmas present last year. May had peeped in to the room when she had finished doing the dishes and tidying up and smiled a little to herself at the sight of Frank sitting in the bedside chair reading Tiger Tim while Victor was sleeping soundly after having said his prays, blessing all the family and ‘Uncle Fwank’ in particular. Tip toeing quietly into the room she had gone over to the sleeping form and pulled the blankets a little higher up to cover his shoulders then, very gently so as not to disturb him, she had given him a kiss on his smooth cheek and beckoned for Frank to come down stairs.

‘Do you fancy coming to the pictures then May? There is a new film showing and we still have time to get there,’ he asked hopefully. May was hesitant and looked doubtful. She was tired, it had already been a long day and she was more shaken by Victor’s mishap than she cared to admit. The fact that she had not been able to sooth her boy when he was in pain but that Frank had been the one to take control of the situation and make everything right, that had startled her beliefs in herself and made her wonder if she was being totally unfair on the lad by not taking up his offer of giving him an Father figure. 

She had never really considered that before. At first she had been so preoccupied with just trying to come to terms with what had happened and with loosing Richard that she could barely think of anything but surviving each moment of the day. Then, like everything once the shock had gradually abated, as things do, she had thrown herself into doing the best job possible for her boy, choosing to rely on the independent spirit that was inherent in all the Moss female line. So she had squared her shoulders and gotten on with things as best as she could and for the most part did an admirable job, but today had rocked her little world and made her doubt whether that was the right course of action for Victor and that was the only thing that mattered to her, his wellbeing.

‘Why don’t you two go then?’ Ruby piped up from the corner seat where she was pouring over the latest magazine Frank had bought her. ‘I will keep an eye on Vic,’ she smiled, recognising just how much Frank wanted to take May out and how much he deserved it, after all he had done for the child. ‘May Moss,’ Ruby said with attitude in her voice, ‘you know very well that you want to go, you spent all of last week talking about it and I promise that I will check on Victor every five minutes besides…. I am not going anywhere,’ she told her sadly. Her butcher was away at the moment and she was missing him dearly. ‘And after what he has done for you …’ she nodded her head towards Frank sitting there looking at her gratefully, ‘shame on you, he deserves a treat.’ 

 

‘Well if you are sure that you don’t mind Ruby’ she turned to Frank, ‘I will just get my coat then shall I?’  
 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May goes to the pictures with Frank, leading to a chance remark that awakens memories and stirs emotions.
> 
> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

Frank surprised her with the box of chocolates just before the curtain went up for the movie and there was a lot of rustling of paper, much to the annoyance of the other patrons, as May fumbled in the dark to open them. ‘Would you like to be in the movies then May? I think that you would make a great actress and you are much prettier than Mary Pickford,’ he was saying as they walked home after the end of the film. She had been lost deep in thought when he spoke, thinking things over and considering his proposal. It was the second proposal now that she had from Frank, he was persistent if nothing else.

She had had an epiphany of sorts while watching the movie, getting distracted, not paying attention to the film at all, drifting off and thinking of when she had gone to check on Victor and she had watched from the doorway of the bedroom as he read to him and tucked him in. It was not just that, she knew that Victor loved him dearly, as did the rest of the family, he was dependable, reliable and sensible and she could do a lot worse she was arguing with herself plus, who else would be willing to take on a woman that was sullied with a child out of wedlock. Besides, she sadly thought, Richard’s letters had stopped coming.

When at first the weekly letter from him had not arrived on time she had thought nothing of it after all, she never read any of them anyway and she had thought only that it was late but then, when the next week went by and still she didn’t receive one, she merely thought that perhaps he had gone on holidays or that the mail had been mislaid or whatever but still she didn’t dwell on it however, now that it had been five weeks and she had given over to the realisation that perhaps finally he had forgotten her or was over her, having never received a reply back, she felt in her heart that he had moved on. 

Frank’s voice had bought her back to earth with a jolt when he had asked if she ever wanted to be in movies. Yes, she had wanted to be in movies and she had been in one of a sort. Memories of that night at Claude Freeman’s when Richard had come to her rescue, now what was it that Claude had said… her memory of the night fuzzy but she suddenly recalled with clarity him saying to Richard ‘where’s your white charger, tied up outside?’ Yes he had been her knight on a white charger rescuing the fair damsel in distress… just like a plot from a melodramatic movie that she had dreamt of starring in.

She sighed silently. The memories came flooding back. It was because of her sojourn into the so called movie world, or what she had anticipated was going to be the movie world that is, that had led to her rescue and the events of the following day when Richard had made love to her for the first time. 

The thought sent shivers of desire through her. She couldn’t help herself, she closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his long fingers on her breasts, his warm mouth on her lips, the way he made love to her the first time and her embarrassment at her lack of skill, all receding from her memory as she also remembered those other times after that first awkward encounter, times after that when he had awoken a passion in her that she never knew could exist, undreamt of and hidden, forbidden and dangerously decadent, the delights of his body meeting hers in a joining so thrilling and intoxicating she was blushing and aching just thinking about it. 

‘May are you all right, what is it?’ Frank asked her a little concerned by the look on her face. She was flushed and despite the night air being chilly she was sweating. ‘You aren’t sickening for something are you?’ He stopped walking and placed his hand on her forehead looking at her face closely under the street lamp. ‘You don’t feel like you have a temperature but you do look odd. Come on,’ and he boldly put his arm around her shoulders, ‘best get you home, we don’t want you out here in the cold night air then.’

They reached the front door of the house and stopped as May searched her purse for her key. ‘Would you like to come in for a cup of tea then?’ she asked him. ‘No, best be off, it’s getting late and I must be up early for church.’ May nodded and there was an awkward pause. ‘Well thank you for taking me, I did enjoy the film Frank,’ she offered. There was another uncomfortable silence. She felt conflicted about how she felt towards him, feeling guilty that she didn’t have an undying longing for him but she did feel gratitude towards him for all that he did for her and her family, and after all that was something. 

She knew that she must seem like a cold person but she couldn’t make herself feel things that she didn’t. She was fond of him she admitted to herself, he was like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers after a long day on your feet. He made her feel good about herself and had given her support and confidence after… after what had happened. He always seemed to be there for her whenever things went wrong for her, the family, and now even for Victor. He got on well with everyone, the neighbours all knew him and loved him. He was always encouraging and had a positive attitude no matter how big the problem but…

She argued back and forth in her mind about him but she wasn’t fooling herself. In reality she was arguing not about the pros and cons of accepting Frank’s proposal but whether or not she had truly given up any hope of ever being with Richard again. She knew in her heart of hearts that she was being totally ridiculous even entertaining the idea that even if he wasn’t married, he would ever consider anything serious with her. After all, they were worlds apart on a social level and in so many aspects. Who was she kidding, no one but herself?

She picked over the jumbled thoughts in her mind, memories of fragments of time that shifted like a kaleidoscope of scenes from their time together. ‘But we do love each other don’t we May?’ he had said to her that day in the car. ‘He, you said he,’ his face so flushed with excitement at the thought of a son, his hand caressing her swollen ugly belly, as she thought of herself at the time. ‘This is our child.’ She almost sobbed at the thought of his words. The scene shifted, ‘Diamonds are for lovers, pearls are for wives,' his words like a knife in the heart, a sharp stabbing brutal pain. 

Around and around her thoughts swirled until she literally swayed she was so giddy. Frank’s steadying arm went around her waist to hold her. ‘Here now, you really aren’t well May. Time you were getting to bed.’

She looked at his simple honest plain face and saw none of the intoxicating attraction she had felt for Richard. What she saw was honest and safe and right now, although that didn’t seem too exciting, it did seem like a haven from the turmoil she had lived with for so long. She reached up and kissed him lightly on the cheek. ‘Good night Frank and thank you, thank you for everything.’ She walked quickly inside and closed the door not turning around to see him standing there holding his cheek where he could still feel her lips on his face. He smiled to himself as he walked home and was still smiling when he fell asleep and dreamt of her in a pale blue gown, bridal bouquet in her hands as she walked down the aisle of the small country church he had always dreamt of being married in.

While Frank had dreams of marriage and happy ever afters, that night May’s dreams were of an entirely different sort and both had a lasting effect on the individual recipient. When May had finally gone to bed after checking on Victor, making herself some hot milk and locking up the house on the way, she was bone tired. The events of the day on top of the emotional state that she was in had taken a toll on her nerves and she was exhausted. She was so tired she lingered over getting undressed even though it was cold and so she was chilled to the bone by the time she got into bed and pulled the covers up around her shoulders. She was shivering and curled up in a ball trying hard to fall asleep but her mind just would not leave her in peace and as she had often done before, she let herself imagine herself in Richard’s arms, his body warm against her, taking the chill out of the cold bed.

Perhaps it was understandable then that as she drifted in that last moment before sleep, and she pictured his face smiling as care free as she had seen it so many times when they had their stolen moments together, that could have been the reason why she had dreamt of him, drifting into that uncertain reality that we are convinced is so real until we wake in the morning to realise that it was a mirage of the mind playing tricks with us. 

In May’s case she had suddenly found herself in the drawing room at the Brazendale residence, the warm summer sunlight bright and welcoming streaming through the windows. She had run, pulling up the peach coloured silk and lace pen noire that frothed and foamed around her feet as she went, Richard standing laughing that musical laugh of his as he watched her, holding out his arms to greet her. His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her into him, one hand drifting to her cheek to hold her gently to him while the other slid down her throat and the slope of her breasts to cup her in his delicate hand, his manicured fingers teasing her hardened nipples before sliding down her body and over her hips to pull at the long piece of silk nonsense until finally he could feel the warm flesh of her thigh. 

She could not mistake his wishes, the rhythm of his tongue confirming the responses of his body to her as he pulled her into him even tighter and she felt him stiffening against her. She pulled away from him slightly and smiled. ‘Good evening Mr Brazendale sir, is there anything that I can get you sir,’ she giggled mischievously, ‘can I get you something to eat then sir?’ She asked innocently but with a wicked look in her eyes. ‘Why thank you May, yes that would be nice. I am a bit peckish.’ She smiled alluringly. ‘Oh yes, and what can I get for you then sir?’ she grinned. ‘Why May, I think, yes I rather think…’ he paused and ran his eyes over her, ‘I rather think that I fancy ….you.’ ‘Why Mr Brazendale,’ she breathed into his mouth as he locked his lips on hers.

As dreams will do, she found that the scene changed and she was now suddenly leading him into her small humble bed room, moving a little ahead of him, suddenly over come with a shyness that only heightened Richard’s excitement for her. He must have come straight from work for she realised that he was fully dressed in his suit so as she turned, she was thrilled when he asked her to undress him. The thrill shot through her at the thought and slowly she began to take off his clothes starting with his suit jacket then moving on to his tie, shoes and vest. It was when she began to undo his shirt buttons and the silken hair on his chest trailing down to the waist band of his pants became visible as she worked her way down his body that she truly began to tremble with excitement.

Slipping her small hands into his shirt she pulled it up and out of his pants, leaving it to hang down at his sides. She could not resist kissing his chest and running her fingers through the auburn down covering it. Richard closed his eyes and stood perfectly still, his mouth dropping open a little with lust, licking his lips and embracing the moment. He was enamoured to all the attentions she was wallowing in, the growing mound in his loose suit trousers a testament to just how very much he wanted and needed her. She looked down his body and his obvious excitement aroused her. She groaned softly in her sleep, her body responding to the erotic overtures of the situation in her dream. 

A little clumsily in her excited state, it took her a few attempts to undo the buckle of his trouser belt and then embarrassed even further by the unfamiliar experience, she slowly undid the buttons of his pants until finally letting them slide down his body to free him. She reached out to slide her hands into his shirt again and as she did so she gently brushed his staff standing to attention against the flat muscles of his stomach. An electric shock shot through them both and suddenly there was an urgency that hadn’t been there before, a desperate need to feel each other’s flesh, to bury each other in the ecstasy of the moment, to fill each other in the pleasures of their flesh. It left her reeling and wanting and alluring and desirous.

He shrugged off his shirt letting it fall heedlessly on to the floor then slipping his long sensual fingers beneath the flimsy silk and lace he glided the wrap and then the straps of the gown down her arms to leave it in a shining pool at her feet. He took her hands and trailed kisses up one arm, across her delicate collar bones then down her other until reaching her tiny finger tips he took them gently and held them to his mouth, kissing each one and then he kissed the palm of her hands. It was the most erotic thing May had ever felt in her life and set her blood coursing wildly through her, her heart pounding at the touch of his lips. 

Shifting again the scene changed and they were now lying in bed, his body holding her tightly to him, his erection pressing into the soft flesh of her stomach. ‘May,’ his soft velvety voice whispered, implored, ‘May I want to make love to you. I want to give you pleasures that you never knew existed. I want to show you the world of love and lust. May, please, please let me take you,’ he was urging her but she needed no urging, she was ready, she was more than ready. She moved her small hand to take him, his hardness in her hand sent another wave coursing into her core and to her surprise, she felt a throbbing silky wetness between her legs. Slowly she moved her hand down his length. ‘Oh May,’ he groaned softly into her ear and with that she rolled onto her back and looked into the depths of his blue eyes. ‘I want you Richard. I want you so much. Take me, take me to all the places that you want me to find. I want you and no one but you.’

He parted her legs gently with his hand and lifting himself over her, he slipped between her fleshy thighs, taking his weight on his arms. Hovering over her he looked into her eyes and fell into them, loosing himself in her soul, kissing her soft lips with a tenderness that shook them both before becoming overwhelmed in their need for each other, their bodies moving in unmistakeable need for fulfilment that could not be denied any longer. Taking his weight on one arm he reached down for himself, positioning his hardened staff against her then with a thrust he slid into her silky folds, touching that special secret place that May was naively unaware even existed. 

She gasped in surprise as lust totally engulfed her, his body responding immediately to the flood of milky sweetness, his thrusts becoming urgent as he glided into her slick hotness. There was nothing else. The world did not exist at that moment. Only they existed. Only their bodies telling them that this was so right and to hell with conventions, nothing that felt so right could be wrong, this was their moment, their time, their all-encompassing love and no one and nothing could or ever would change it, ever. As her muscles caved and his seed spilt they kissed a kiss of lovers, so intensely deep that they were no longer May and Richard, they were spinning into a vortex of oneness, in their hearts never to be parted from one another, the moment going on into eternity, their reality forever locked together, never to be parted, a frozen moment in time of sublime recognition, love and fulfilment.

May woke with a start. She was wet with sweat, panting and, much to her mortification as she moved her hand away from the dampness between her legs, she realised that was desperately in need of pleasuring as she called the state she was in. It was still dark outside, there were many long hours before dawn would come and chase away the night’s darkness but she knew that nothing would take away the memory of her dream, or was it a dream. She may have been dreaming tonight but the dream was just a shadow of the memory of the real event. The reality could not be changed, she couldn’t deny the things that she had done with Richard in the name of passion. He had awoken something within her that could not be quenched and would stay with her for the rest of her life. Without it she felt empty, a shell of what she had had, and had been, and what she would never have again.

So it was that in the dark small lonely hours of the night May faced reality. With the demise of Richard’s letters she locked and closed a door on a hope that no longer existed. She had not answered one single one and was now paying the price. She had to face reality, it could not and would not ever happen again. He was gone, finally he was just a memory without any hope of ever being anything else. She thought of Frank and what he could offer her, security, peace of mind and faithful attentive care. There was no choice, she had to face it, it was over, Richard was a dream and she had awoken to a different world as far as she was concerned. Frank was reality.

 

She cried herself to sleep with the knowledge that in the morning she would awaken and take the next step in the rest of her life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May has plans for her day off but they take a surprising turn when she goes on a trip to the country to visit Iris.
> 
> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘So did you and Frank enjoy the pictures last night then?’ Ruby asked May with her mouthful of bacon and eggs, toast and tea. They were sitting in the kitchen eating their Sunday breakfast, Victor looking mutinous, not satisfied with his porridge and May valiantly attempting to get him to eat it, cajoling him along with stories of pilots who ate all their porridge before going flying. The child was besotted with planes you see. Before May could answer the door opened and Billy wandered in still clad in his pyjamas and a tartan woollen dressing gown.

‘Well look what the cat dragged in, you look terrible,’ Ruby admonished. ‘Look what the cat dwagged in,’ Victor mimicked. ‘Now look what you have done,’ Billy scowled, sitting heavily down and holding his head in his hands. ‘You know with your job as manager of that club Billy, you are not supposed to be drinking half the profits are you? I would think that the owner would take a dim view if he knew wouldn’t he just? Don’t you agree then May?’

She opened her mouth to reply but Billy was in no mood to have the both of them start at him. ‘It’s not what you think Ruby,’ he was mumbling, still holding his head. ‘The owner does know and it was his fault. It was him that I was drinking with after we closed up, him and his mates, so there. And trust me, if I had a choice I would’ve been home in bed long before I finally managed to get there. Besides, he isn’t going to be the owner for much longer by the looks of things so I have to keep in his good books so he will put in a good word like for me.’

May said nothing but got up and going over to the kitchen dresser, got down a small brown glass bottle, opened it and carefully poured a few drops of fragrant liquid onto her fingers before walking back to Billy and rubbing his temples with her fingers. ‘Lavender oil for what ails you. Dada taught me that. It is supposed to work wonders for headaches and such.’

Billy looked up at her gratefully, his blood shot eyes painful. ‘Thanks May,’ he smiled, ‘I can always count on you,’ glaring at Ruby as he said this. ‘Oh yes and what am I, chopped liver then Billy Moss. Who is it that is going to make you breakfast then.’ Billy turned a sickly shade of green at the mention of food and ran out the back door for the privy, only just getting there on time. He did not re-emerge for quite some minutes and when he did he declared he was going back to bed. ‘Nice for some,’ was Ruby’s only comment.

May began clearing away the breakfast dishes as Ruby filled the sink with hot water. ‘So May, what are your plans for today then? Are you coming to church with me?’ May sighed with frustration at the question. It was the same every Sunday and had been over the past years ever since she had stopped going. Ruby just couldn’t accept the fact that her sister felt the hypocrisy of her situation, being a member of the flock who in reality disapproved and shunned her from the moment that the baby was born out of wedlock. May did not believe that the god she believed in would be so condemning and found it hypocritical that had she murdered someone, she could have said some hail Marys and her soul would be forgiven but god forbid that she bring a wonderful innocent son into the world, no that would never do in the eyes of the church and its parishioners. 

So she had simply stopped going and no cajoling, imploring or harassment from Ruby, or Iris for that matter, would change her mind nor would it be enough to convince her that Victor should go either. Since gaining employment at the Thomas’s, and with her recently acquired new status that had come into being, allowing for her to work only five days a week with the odd half day mid-week, she was determined to make the most of her Sundays and so she spent them how she liked the most, and that was not by going to church and listening to mindless sermons about hell fire and damnation. No, May had better fish to fry and today of all days she intended to make the most of her day. She was going to visit Iris.

Only a few months after the birth of Victor, Iris had received a letter from an obscure order of the church advising her that from time to time they received sponsors and having heard of her application to join the nunnery and an available sponsorship having come into being, they wished to offer her a place within the confines of their humble order. Iris was surprised and shocked and wondered if Father Melia had something to do with this turns of events but as he was still incommunicado somewhere in Ireland she had no way of finding out. 

Upon further enquiries regarding the order that had made this outstanding offer, Iris learnt that they were a small organisation of nuns that officially did good deeds visiting the poor and such but since the war, their main concern was assisting in a hospice with the care of returned soldiers who were suffering shell shock and were traumatised by the actions they had taken place in and the injuries they had sustained. They were in fact nuns only in the loosest terms of the word and although still thought to be of a religious order, they were in fact a combination of nun, nurse and carer. Iris did not hesitate and within weeks she left the family home to begin her devotions. In some small way she felt that perhaps this was the penance that she deserved for her treatment of Domingo Hennessy and for other misdemeanours that she couldn’t or wouldn’t even admit to herself that she had committed. 

Following the previous night’s soul searching, May felt in need of reassurance and was determined to discuss her decision with Iris so she made up her mind that she would visit with her. She had not seen Iris for months and truly missed her quiet and gentle sister. Perhaps because of her own experiences, May had come to realise quite some time ago that Iris’s unhappy countenance may just have well been because of deeper feelings than she should have for Father Melia and she empathised with her. Two sisters unlucky with love, both falling for men whose devotions lay in different directions and were stronger than the love they felt for them, May and Iris certainly had something in common, a bond that was forever unspoken even in their most intimate of moments together.

‘Ruby for the last time I am not going to church and don’t ask again,’ May snapped. ‘Alright then, no need to snap my head off, I was only asking and there is no harm in asking is there? It’s your life May Moss and your soul and that of your child’s,’ she retorted attempting to guilt May into returning to the fold, but it was all to no avail. May had what Ruby always thought to herself as that “obstinate mule” look on her face so Ruby just shrugged and got on with cleaning off the crumbs from the table and taking the cloth out into the little back yard area and giving it a thoroughly good shake. 

It was a two bus rides and a long walk out into the nearby country side for May and Victor before she timed her arrival at the old glorious ruin of a once stately home now housing the respite care facility where Iris was ensconced. She had to admit that it was a beautifully tranquil setting for those that needed to escape from the horrors they had been through. The gardens surrounding the building were a touch of paradise, manicured to perfection by the upkeep of those inhabitants that were capable of its care but of little else.

The huge expanses of lawn were like swards of emerald carpet, smooth and soft, delicately clipped into a velvety vastness surrounded by a multitude of colourful beds, a paint pallet of colour even for a winter’s day, only broken up as they were by the cunningly planned garden rooms that dotted the grounds. There was everything there to make any gardener happy, from a replica of a Tudor kitchen garden to a thriving rose room, the heady scent in spring making one giddy with the intoxicating fragrance. There was a whole area simply devoted to the art of topiary and yet another that was alive with a purple haze of every kind of lavender from English and French to Italian, all stunningly beautiful to look at and functional too as it was harvested and used to make infusions and used for its healing properties. 

Little Victor was beside himself with excitement, what with the bus rides, the walk through the country being a further delight as they left the outskirts of the town and were surrounded by fields of grazing cows, horses and tree lined lanes. When they entered the gates of the grounds and he took in the vista of Aunty Iris’s “home”, he was over the moon with all the sights and the silence of the place, only the birds in the many trees whistling a cacophony he was unused to as a city boy disturbing the peace. Unlike the noise and bustle of the cobblestoned city street scapes he was familiar with, and the many noises that make up an inner city suburb, he laughed with delight at his surroundings. ‘Mummy it is so pretty here. Does Aunty Iwis weally live here Mummy?’ he lisped, his eyes were as wide as saucers, then seeing the huge house he looked on with awe as he observed; ‘She must be awfully wich.’ 

May smiled as she explained that Iris didn’t own the house but merely worked there, taking care of many returned soldiers that were hurt. ‘Now I want you to remember that sometimes some of the gentlemen that you might see look a bit different to us but that is because they had things happen during the war that hurt them but Victor, it doesn’t mean that inside them they are any different to you or me, so I don’t want you to stare at them. Do you understand?’

‘Did they get hurted very badly Mummy? Do they have to sit in a chair with wheels?’ he asked naively, ‘will they not get better? Why can’t they live at their homes Mummy, and it’s alright, I won’t stare at them, that would be wude wouldn’t it Mummy?’ He prattled on as they walked along with May paying attention to everything he was saying, listening to him and marvelling at his insights. She never ceased to be amazed with his observations and how incredibly thoughtful he was for one so young. He had an old head on such young shoulders. 

Despite his lisp and funny little way of speaking, there were times that she caught herself seeing Richard in his mannerisms. The way he was so quiet at times and deep, the tilt of his head, his long delicate fingers, his soul searching liquid blue eyes and his smile when she entered a room….they were him, they were Richard to a tee. It was disconcerting but at the same time she was proud of him, delighted in his thoughtful countenance and the way he showed compassion. Yes, his compassion was over whelming when she thought about it, partially due to her teachings but also it came from within him, it had to for how else could she explain a child so small being as sensitive to the feelings of others. 

When she had first taken him to meet and play with Timmy Thomas she had explained to him that he had been very sick and that he was not to be tired out with rough house games but also she didn’t want him to make the child feel that he wasn’t capable of playing like other boys but that he was just a bit delicate due to his illness. She need not have worried for he took Timmy under his wing and when he saw that their exertions had tired the lad, he had been tact itself insisting that he was a tired himself and asking the other child if he minded if he rested for a while. The effect on Timmy had be exactly what Victor had hoped, the child drew himself up and placing his arm around the smaller boy he had said that he thought it would be a bully idea if they both sat down to look at picture books and do some drawing until he had recovered. Victor had smiled softly to himself and looking across at May, he had given her a discreet wink. Her heart had melted with pride. 

They had nearly reached the big double doors that led into the building when a rather regal looking nun in what May thought must be their full habit, a long soft pale grey dress covered with a white apron type of affair, came sailing out of the doors. ‘Can I help you?’ she asked as she headed straight over in May’s direction, her stern face softened as she got closer and she recognised her from a family portrait taken at the time of Dada’s marriage. ‘You are May, Sister Angelica’s own sister aren’t you?’ May would never get used to the name that Iris had chosen for herself when she entered into the order, but still she had enough of a church background to respect her sister’s wishes and smiling politely back, she nodded.

‘We’ve come to visit if that is alright and if she isn’t too busy,’ she inquired as she looked around holding Victor’s hand. ‘Well it isn’t really the normal protocol to come without prior notice but…’ she looked down and sensed the disappointment on Victor’s face and relented, ‘I suppose just this once and seeing it is such a lovely afternoon and luncheon is over then I think that would be alright. If you would like to wait for a moment I will just see where she is and bring her to you.’ She smiled kindly and patting Victor on the head she turned and swept off inside. 

Only a few minutes later Iris, accompanied by a tall rather good looking man holding onto her arm as he limped heavily beside her, came towards them through the doors. May caught her breath. Despite the severity of her habit and its austere appearance, Iris looked radiant. She was positively glowing and it surprised May no end. Victor, excited to see his favourite Aunt, broke free from May’s hand that he had been patiently holding and breaking into a trot, ran full pelt at her nearly knocking her over when he reached her. ‘Aunty Iwis, Aunty Iwis’ his young high pitched voice chirped.

Iris was laughing as she tried to disentangle herself from his arms that were firmly wrapped around her legs. ‘My who is this young man that you have bought with you May?’ She was laughing. ‘I thought that you were supposed to be here with Victor so where is my little baby nephew?’ She looked around feigning a genuine search, much to his delight, and he stood looking up at her and giggled. ‘It’s me Aunty, it’s your Victor.’ He was beaming at her with smiling eyes. Suddenly he let go of her and his face became serious. ‘Oh, excuse me Si,’ he said politely, ‘it was very wude of me not to intwoduce myself. My name is Victor Sir, how do you do?’ He held his hand out politely to shake hands.

Iris smiled shyly. ‘May, Victor, I would like to introduce you to John, John this is my sister May and my nephew Victor.' John held out his hand to Victor, leaning down awkwardly to take his hand. ‘I am very pleased to meet you Victor, I have heard so much about you. I hear that you like aeroplanes, is that true? Perhaps you would be interested in hearing all about flying. I used to be a pilot you know.’ The child was beside himself with delight at this piece of news and could barely keep still as John shook May’s hand and smiled, adding that he was extremely pleased to be meeting her and had been looking forward to getting to know Iris’s favourite sister better. 

May’s eyebrows rose at this, she had heard nothing of him and was left wondering about that.

‘Would you like to join us for tea? We can have it over in the rose garden, it is such a beautiful warm sunny day and I am sure that you will like it. Plus it is not too far to walk.’ She looked at John as if for approval of the suggestion, May getting the distinct impression that it was not only for his physical welfare that she had asked as clearly he struggled a little, limping as badly as he did, but also she was asking for other reasons but what they were, May was not sure. One thing she did know though, she had come here hoping to unburden her heart and get Iris’s advice about her future and instead she had found something that had totally put her dilemma on the back burner. If May was any judge she would swear that Iris, her sister, Sister Angelica was… god forbid, she was in love with John and by the looks of things, John was in love with her.

 

Well, this was a fine kettle of fish May thought to herself, and a new world of issues loomed up in her mind for the not too distant future.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May's visit with Iris continues, raising questions and emotions that run deep for both the sisters.
> 
> Please note:  
> The events depicted in Iris's narrative of John's war time experience are based on true events narrated by a family member who survived the ordeal and went on to live a full and prosperous life despite the physical burdens he had to overcome as a result of his injuries. 
> 
> Although he was not a pilot and his injuries were a result of a shell exploding near by, all other events were factual and not altered or embellished.
> 
> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘Is there something that you want to tell me Iris?’ Iris sighed and looked May in the eyes before speaking. They were sitting on a picnic rug surrounded by the remnants of a delicious afternoon tea spread out around them. Victor had persuaded John or ‘Uncle John’ as he had christened the ex-airman under Iris’s charge, to show him around the rest of the gardens after much cajoling and the two had gone off hand in hand like old long lost chums, the tall airman gently holding the child’s hand whilst relying heavily on the cane in his other hand. 

They made an interesting pair and seemed totally at home with each other, Victor thrilled to be spending time with a real live pilot and John just happy to share his experiences with the young enthusiast, telling him tales of his aeronautical adventures in his Sopwith Camel bi plane. ‘Why was it called a camel Uncle John? Did it have a hump?’ John chuckled. ‘Well it does have a kind of a hump, sort of like a camels but a bit different. You see it is only a one seater aeroplane and where the pilot sits to the rear of the cockpit…’ Their voices faded into the distance as they went off exploring the rest of the huge expanse of gardens, heading in the direction of the French partier garden with its mass plantings of petunias in spring paying homage to the previous owners love of brilliantly dazzling jewel like colours, leaving May and Iris alone to clear up the tea things and talk.

Iris went crimson under May’s stare. ‘I … I don’t know what you are talking about,’ she blushed. ‘Iris Moss I have known you all my life and we have been through some good times and some bad times together. You were there for me when … when I needed you, when,’ she looked away as her eyes blurred. She needed a few moments to regain her composure. ‘You were there for me,’ she reiterated, ‘so there is no need to feel that you can’t talk to me or that I will judge you. Really Iris who am I to judge you after what I …. did?’ May’s conscience getting the better of her as it always did when she thought of the morality of not only sleeping with some out of wedlock, but when that someone was a married man, even if she had deliberately been seduced and duped as Madelaine had made it so abundantly clear.

Iris reached out and took May’s hands in hers. ‘May are you alright?’ she asked with concern in her voice. ‘Iris you can’t try that one on me, you aren’t going to get out of it so easily by changing the subject,’ May responded sarcastically, ‘now come on, tell me truthfully what is going on. I can see it written all over your face. You are in love with him aren’t you and he is in love with you. The only other time I have seen you look like this was when you were with Father Melia and don’t go getting upset, do you really think that I didn’t know how you felt about him or how he felt about you for that matter?’

May had watched the two of them, Iris the nun and John the returned airman, as they had been sitting there dolling out tea and cakes and sandwiches, Iris daintily pouring out and dispensing the afternoon morsels to all of them but the whole time her eyes had continually strayed to John who likewise, when not engaged with answering the many questions that poured out of Victor, was sitting as close as decently was possible near to Iris so he could gaze into her eyes.

Now that they were finally alone, May had wasted no time in getting down to what she thought was the truth of the matter and Iris was stunned. She had never ever admitted how she felt for the wayward priest, she had never really admitted it to him or to her god, but in this instance she couldn’t hide her feelings from May. She knew it was useless to protest and in all truth, she was so relieved to hear it all come out in the open that she was almost thankful to have the chance to talk to someone who she knew, or at least hoped, wouldn’t judge her. ‘Oh May, what am I going to do. I am so torn,’ she said quietly. ‘Well for a start you can tell me all about it. Who is John and when did all this happen?’ Iris took a deep breath and began to talk.

‘His name is John Wigan and he came here nearly five months ago. He had been in Scotland since being exchanged in one of the last prisoner of war exchanges, you know when the injured were repatriated. He was in the air force of course and late in April, in the last year of the war, his plane was shot down on a mission close to the front line. Our boys saw the plane go down and had recognised that it was a Sopwith Camel with one pilot on board and no one else, but because of the heavy fighting they couldn’t get to him. It wasn’t until the next day that the stretcher bearers managed to get near him when there was a lull in the fighting, but because his plane had come down just near one of outposts there were other casualties.’

Iris paused for breath before going on. ‘When they got to him they only had three stretchers and he was the fourth one that they had found. His leg was badly crushed below the knee where part of the fuselage and broken away and fallen on him but they did what they could however, John being John, he insisted that they take the other lads first as they were in worse shape than he was. They assured him that they would be back for him. May, they never came.’

Iris’s face had gone deadly white as she recounted John’s experience, going on with the story as though in a trance, just like she was seeing it for herself and going through all the horrors with him. ‘He lay out there for five days. May, can you imagine what that must have been like? Five days with those injuries in heavy frost, and then it snowed.’ Her voice cracked and she gave a small sob thinking about what it must have been like for him. What must he have endured going through such a traumatic event?

‘But Iris what happened? You said that they didn’t get back for him and with those injuries… I don’t understand. How is he even alive?’ May sat waiting for her to go on, anticipation building, she was mesmerised by the account.

Iris took out a hanky from her sleeve and wiped her cheeks, blew her nose and sniffed a little. ‘Our boys were over run and had to fall back a little so that as far as they were concerned John was now missing in action. That was what the official report said that was sent back. No one believed that anyone could have survived what he went through. It was a miracle and now they had absolutely no way of getting to him because, for the next week, he was technically behind enemy lines.’

When our boys over ran the area the following week, he was nowhere to be found. The official report then changed from missing in action to missing presumed dead.’ She looked away holding back the tears. ‘But Iris, he wasn’t dead, I mean… well he is alive. I don’t understand.’ May was puzzled. ‘May this is the truly amazing thing. When the enemy over ran the area they came across the wreckage as they had seen the plane go down too and wanted to salvage anything they could. It was then that he was found.’

‘What do you mean? Are you saying that they found him and saved him?’ Like all the others that have ever had loved ones in conflicts, May was a believer that the enemy were nearly non-human, evil and incapable of showing any empathy for their enemy combatants so she found it incredulous that such a thing could have occurred. With the exception of Ruby’s Joseph, she had never met anyone of the particular nationality that she, like so many others at the time despised, and so she was finding it incredible to believe.

‘The patrol found John and thankfully for him, there was a medical team out with them looking for their own injured. They took him to a field hospital and a surgeon there saved his life by amputating his leg just above the knee. He was in very poor condition from his injuries and the ordeal he had undergone and from having suffered from frost bite, his little finger on his right hand now misshapen permanently but because of the care that they took of him, he is with us today. May he has told me of the conditions there. He was still there just before the war finished, he was too ill to bring home any sooner and he said that the people there were all starving. There was no food. They gave him their own food to keep him alive.’

She shook her head in wonder at the compassion of those that went without, for an enemy soldier no less, and her heartfelt thanks went out to those strangers that she would never meet but would be eternally grateful to. ‘The Red Cross were marvellous. The doctor that saved him got him transferred to Breslow to a hospital there and they contacted them. Through the Red Cross, all the official channels were notified and consequently his family were told that he was alive but May, his mother had passed away while he was in France in nineteen fifteen and before he had the chance to see his father, while he was still in Scotland recuperating, his Father passed away too. His sister Etheldon had nursed him but she too contracted what they found out later to be Spanish Flu and she passed too so he has no one, he is totally on his own.’

‘He was sent here as I said about five months ago now. Although he is healed, or as much as he can be physically healed, he still has problems with his leg. They fitted him with the wrong kind of wooden leg originally and it lead to inflammation of the scar tissue but three weeks ago he was given a new one and so he is just getting used to it but it is so heavy and cumbersome and there are times that is rubs him and is painful. They haven’t quite gotten the harness right and it is so heavy on him. He is so good and brave. He never complains, he just gets on with it but when he takes it off at night sometimes it is just so horrible for him, the nerves make his stump twitch uncontrollably and he gets upset.’

‘And then there are the nightmares.’ She looked at May and they both shuddered, Iris and May remembering the night terrors that their Billy went through, both knowing or imagining only too well what dark and dreadful things must go through his mind at night when the lights go out and there is no one there but his haunting memories. ‘When I hear him start groaning I go to him and try as best as I can to soothe him and comfort him. He calms down then and will fall asleep if I stay with him and then he gets a peaceful look on his face, he is serene and whole and safe and comforted from all the terrors he has been through,’ she was almost whispering to herself, ‘he is beautiful and he is at rest.’

Her eyes were glowing with a look that May knew, she could feel and understand what Iris felt. She felt the same way when she shushed Victor to sleep and she had seen that same look when she had woken that morning after being rescued and found Richard asleep on the floor of her room. She had been startled at first sight of him there but then studying his face before he awoke, he had looked so peaceful, so beautiful at rest. She shook herself out of her reverie, there were more immediate issues to think of than herself right now. 

‘You love him don’t you Iris?’ May asked more for confirmation than out of curiosity or for lack of knowledge. She recognised that glow, the spark in Iris’s eyes that had been missing since that dreadful day that Father Melia had gone. Iris nodded. ‘And he loves you doesn’t he?’ Iris hesitated before answering. ‘I know that it is wrong May. I know what I feel for him is wrong when I have promised myself to god and …’ May shook her head. ‘How can love between a man and a woman be wrong Iris. Don’t you think that you deserve happiness? Do you believe that god would want to stop a union between two people in love? Lord knows that you have been through enough what with Domingo and Father Mel…’

She stopped, even for May with all her forthright out spoken honesty, she was horrified that she had nearly stepped over the mark and gone too far this time and had she gone on, she would surely have pointed out that Father Melia adored her but he loved his faith even more and in May’s opinion that was half the reason that Iris had become a nun in the first place, simply to try to mend her heart and follow in his footsteps but fate in the form of John Wigan had stepped in. 

The only qualm that May had about this situation was whether or not Iris really loved him and it was not just penance for the guilt that she had worn like a hair shirt for so long over Domingo’s demise. May knew in her heart that Iris blamed herself for his death when she shouldn’t. If it had not been Iris that he’d met it then who knows whether or not he would have found someone else that could live with his injuries but, well, May did wonder if there was that much of a difference between Domingo and John.

‘Do you love him Iris? This isn’t just some kind of penance that you feel you have to do because of Domingo is it?’ May couldn’t hold back, she knew that she was pushing her sister but because of her own heartbreak she could not sit back and see Iris go through yet more devastation, ‘I mean, well John is injured, you said so yourself and he has been through a terrible time.’ Iris was nodding. ‘I know May, I do understand how you might see it like that but this is different. I know exactly what John’s injuries are,’ she blushed a dark red, ‘you forget that I am nursing him and have had to help him into the bath.’ She looked at May rather pointedly when she said this before she went on. ‘I … I mean we, well we both desperately want children and both John and the doctors have said that everything in that umm, area is alright. Not that I have had any experience of … it,’ she added quickly, looking down at her hands modestly.

‘Iris do you love him more than your faith?’ It was the question that she had to ask even though she had misgivings about being so blunt. She felt compelled as Iris had reached out to her and she thought that she owed it to her to be brutally honest now and not hold back… if only someone would do the same for her in her position. The look on her sister’s face told her that it was a question that she had pondered over for many sleepless nights and one that she certainly did not take lightly. ‘And have you talked about this with John, I mean you never answered me when I asked you if he loves you. Does he feel the same way about you as you feel about him?’

There was absolutely no hesitation from Iris. She looked angelic when she responded quietly. ‘He has asked me to marry him.’ May bit the inside of her lip before asking her, ‘And what did you say?’ ‘I said that I would but I wanted to talk to you first and well, here you are. Don’t you see May, I prayed that I would have some kind of sign, that I would find guidance to help me make a decision, that I would find the answer and lo and behold you came here out of the blue. That has to be a sign doesn’t it, it has to mean something?’ May was not too sure about that but even though she had told Ruby and everyone else that she had lost her faith, deep down May did believe in god, just not the god that she used to put on a pedestal and blindly have faith in. No, her god was more of a practical, one on one relationship now, and thinking about it, she did find it too much of a coincidence that of all times she had chosen to visit Iris at this particular time when she needed her the most.

‘I do love him May. I do love him more than the faith that I have. I don’t love god any less but I have room in my heart for John and well, the church cannot and will not share me with another so I have made up my mind. You are right, the love of a man and a woman is just as sacred as that of the love of god.’ 

May wrapped her arms around Iris and hugged her to her. This was not how she had imagined the day to turn out when she had gotten out of bed this morning. She had been so clear in her mind what her plans and her future was going to be. She had decided that despite what her heart wanted she was going to marry Frank and that was the end of it but the echo of her words to Iris kept flooding through her head…. ‘how can love between a man and a woman be wrong … don’t you think that you deserve happiness? Do you believe that god would want to stop a union between two people in love.’ How many times had she lain awake at night and pondered these very same questions in relation to herself. 

If there was a god then how could he have allowed her to be treated like she had been? Wasn’t her love just as real and pure as anyone else’s despite the circumstances?  
She loved Richard, there was no doubt in her mind. She loved him beyond words and it wasn’t his money nor his education or place in society. She loved him for his sake. She loved that she made him happy, or she thought that she had. He never smiled before or rarely had, he had such a down trodden countenance and looked so beaten for ever so long but all that changed when they were together. He laughed when he was with her. How could that have been so wrong and why was she punished for it. Everything went spinning around in her head like a whirlpool of ceaseless torment to her. It had to stop. 

She squared her shoulders and looked at Iris. ‘Well then I am happy for you,’ she replied hugging her to her, ‘and you have my blessing and support for what it is worth,’ she smiled, ‘come on then, best go find him and tell him, put the poor sod out of his misery.’


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘Yes.’ May swallowed and her voice sounded hollow in her ears as she said it. ‘Yes what?’ Frank was sitting next to May on the park bench some weeks later watching Victor play at being an aeroplane, running in swooping circles with his arms extended out like two wings, diving and spinning in his imitation of what he thought would be a dog fight, pretend guns blazing. Since meeting ‘Uncle John’ there was no stopping his enthusiasm for planes and the heroes that flew them.  
‘Yes, I will marry you,’ May replied flatly. Frank turned to her speechless. ‘You won’t regret this May,’ he said smugly. ‘I will give you and Victor anything, you know that don’t you, anything that you want and that I can, I just want you to be happy and I know that I can make you happy, I just know it. I love you May Moss.’ 

She knew that she should be grateful to him, and sympathetic to him too as he poured his heart out to her, but she couldn’t even turn to look at him. She felt too numb. Rightly or wrongly she would marry him and become Mrs Frank Gadney and that was the end of it, she had made her bed now and she would lie in it but that didn’t take away the numbness that had spread like clutching fingers around her heart the minute that she had pronounced the words she was already regretting. In her own mind, she felt that as ridiculous as it was, she was being unfaithful to Richard. Not that he cared two hoots now. There had been no letters for two months and that, more than anything that Frank and his unknown campaign had been doing, that was the deciding factor in May’s decision. Well that and Iris.

He was lost to her and she had only herself to blame. She never opened his letters or responded to them either so how could she truly expect him to keep caring year after year with no response, that’s if he even did care, and now as the years past she wasn’t as sure about that as she had been despite his declaration in the car to her. But then came that night when he came back from his trip and she was there with the baby and he, he …. no, it was over, as over as though Richard had died and she was left a grieving widow trying to make her way in the world with a child. It is for the best she tried to convince herself, if only Frank wasn’t such a … such a what? She didn’t know what he was but one thing she did know, he was not the love of her life nor would he ever be. 

Love, she thought on her trip home from her visit to Iris, love… what an all-consuming beautiful, tragic, and wonderful, heart wrenching emotion. She had gotten up that morning with the full intentions of accepting Frank’s proposal then with her visit to Iris putting her own situation on the back burner, she had looked on with joy and fear for Iris. She was happy that she had found someone that she truly loved and loved her equally but the sacrifice, and perhaps even the stigma of leaving the church was what frightened May. Her biggest fear, when Iris had first told her, was that she wouldn’t have the strength to go through all the soul searching she would need to make a realistic decision about her feelings for John and that her motives were not those that they should be but May was relieved by the time that she left her walking Victor and herself to the gates to say their goodbyes, she had no doubt that Iris was in love and loved, and her mind was at peace.

She had watched the two of them for the rest of that afternoon when John had come back and joined them after his sojourn with Victor around the grounds. No one could mistake that they were anything but deeply in love with each other. She witnessed how they seemed to effortlessly meld together as one, never far from each other and yet they were not cloying or clingy, they just seemed to fit each other’s personality and they…, they belonged May thought suddenly as she stared out the window of the bus on the way home, yes they belonged just as much as she felt that she belonged to Richard. But Richard wasn’t there and he would never be there now and she knew in her heart of hearts that she had to let go, it was time to move on and if that meant taking Frank up on his proposal then so be it, that was what she intended to do. 

She had mooned around long enough now and nothing had changed. She knew that she was her own worst enemy, had she read his dam letters would anything been different? If she had written back to him, told him of her heart break… but surely he knew that anyway and would that have made one single iota of difference, no she thought not and that was why she hadn’t opened them, hadn’t subjected herself to reading them. She shrugged to herself, it wouldn’t change the fact that he was married and with Madelaine, what was the point going over it all again, hadn’t she been doing that day in day out, she was sick of it. Heart sick and worn out with the emotions and wanting of it all, she just couldn’t go on by herself with Victor to think of. No, Frank was there so Frank it would be, and besides, isn’t this what he had been driving her crazy for almost from the minute that he returned from France? 

So right at that moment, on the gloomy bus ride home, the weather having turned into grey skies and rain, almost as though to match her mood, May Moss squared her shoulders and made up her mind once and for all that she would marry Frank Gadney even though she was not in love with him and nothing was going to change her mind now.

Despite her feelings, she was not totally devoid of morals and did mean to make Frank as happy as possible. She wasn’t a cruel person, she had a loving nature, anyone who saw her with Victor could tell you that, but she simply didn’t love Frank, she was fond of him though and didn’t want to hurt him. ‘I don’t make a lot of money May but I have got some put by.’ Frank had been prattling on whilst she had been lost in thought, ‘and May, I am sure that we will make things work, I am sure of it.’  
Reaching into his pocket he took out a small pouch and opened it, then feeling at the bottom he took out a thin worn ring of plain gold with a small blue stone on it. ‘May I want you to have this, it was my Mother’s,’ and picking up her hand in his, he took off her glove and slipped the ring onto her finger, then boldly for him, he leant in and kissed her. 

At the last minute she had turned her face so that the kiss was no more than a peck on the cheek but even that did not dampen Frank’s ardour. He was convinced that once they were married she would change her mind and the love, the real love Frank had always dreamed of for years, well that would come. Didn’t it always, or so he had read. Surprisingly he was a big reader of romance novels and had a somewhat distorted view of love and romance. He loved them. He loved the ones where the ardent but unlikely suitor won out over adversity. That was how he saw himself, the hero that would triumph over the villain. In this particular instance, in his mind, Richard Brazendale was the villain he had beaten May’s heart for, and he loved it. He had no qualms about how he had gone about it after all, all’s fair in love and war he thought to himself smugly. Thinking to himself that he had been very clever in his tactics and hadn’t it proven right.

‘We’ll have a party, we’ll invite the whole street. It will be like the street party we had when we all came home,’ he enthused. ‘No! No I don’t want that, please Frank I just want family. No outsiders.’ In her mind she felt that if no one knew then it wasn’t real, it wasn’t going to happen. There was still part of her that hoped beyond hope, a tiny spark that no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, it was still there and subconsciously still burned for Richard. Frank thought for a moment, a little abashed by May’s luke warm response then guessed that it was probably because of Victor and her unmarried status and even now, after all this time, he still got enough looks from the neighbours to realise that some thought him to be the father of the child so he thought that he could understand her reluctance and valiantly hid his disappointment. 

‘I will go to your Father right now and ask him for your hand in marriage,’ he was saying excitedly. May rolled her eyes at the thought of Dada’s response but said nothing. She really would have preferred no fuss and then she suddenly had an idea. ‘Frank I don’t want any fuss made in fact, I would much prefer if we could just go to the registry office. Just us Frank and Iris and John,’ she said looking at him and hoping that he would agree. She had Iris’s permission to tell Ruby, Billy and Frank of her situation, it had caused more than a few raised eye brows, particularly with Ruby and her still stout beliefs but Iris had begged May not to say anything of it to Dada, she wanted to be the one to break it to him and they had all agreed to it, even Frank who was rather fearful of Mr Moss and his raging tempers.

‘But May don’t you want a church wedding and …’ May scowled and he knew that look, he had seen it so many times before on her face that he knew that she had her mind made up and once it was made up, then heaven forbid that anyone try to change it. ‘All right May if that is what you want.’ This time he did not try to hide his disappointment but if that was the only way he would get her married then so be it. He would sacrifice the picture he had for so long in his mind of a little country church wedding and her in a blue dress. 

He sighed. Loving May was not the easiest thing in the world but, well he had been loving her for so long now he didn’t mind really, he was finally about to get his dream come true. ‘Thank you Frank,’ she said sincerely and leant in and lightly brushed his cheek in appreciation. Well now, he thought, if that was the kind of reaction that he got when he let her have her way then fine, he would make sure that it would be a frequent occurrence for sure. ‘Oh and Frank, I really would prefer if you don’t say anything to anyone, not yet, let’s just make it a surprise for everyone.’ Yes, loving May could be downright hard he thought but keeping her happy may not be, so he agreed to her request and that was enough to keep them both happy for the time being. 

When she got to work the next day she found Margo in a great state of excitement. ‘Come May, we have a lot to do in the next two weeks. We are throwing an important dinner party next Saturday fortnight and I have so many preparations to make but my number one priority is to get my wardrobe sorted. I need you to help me go through it and do a thorough clean out, Mr Thomas is insisting that I get a whole new wardrobe and of course I will need a special dress for the party. Oh and May, I want you to come, I need you to be there with me so please make arrangements for someone to care for Victor that night if you can.’ She stopped to take a breath and laughed at the look on May’s face.

‘I am sorry I have been prattling on only this is so important for George as he will be entertaining some business associates that have just signed some kind of contract with him for some work and it means a considerable amount of money that will see us in good stead for the future and he wants everything to be perfect. Do you think that you can manage to come May?’ She looked so hopefully at her that May couldn’t refuse even if she had some reason to, but she didn’t, so it was settled. ‘That’s splendid now come on, lots to do,’ and taking May’s hand she led her upstairs to her dressing room where they began going through her whole wardrobe from top to bottom.

‘May I want you to take anything that you can use, or if you know of anyone that could use any of it please do not hesitate. I can’t abide anything going to waste and most of the outfits were made for me right before I had Teddy and well, my figure never really did return to what it was so nearly everything is brand new and have never even been worn. Just look at this one.’ She held up a beautiful pale blue gown of the finest chiffon overlay with a midnight blue satin peeping through the delicate fabric. The chiffon had extensive bead work intricately patterned over the bodice and around the hem of the gown in glittering silver. It shimmered and sparkled as she moved it towards the light of the window. 

‘I remember getting this made at Madame Rosemarie’s and how long it took them to do the beading, all hand sewn of course. I never did get the chance to wear it, I was so ill while carrying Teddy that I hardly left the house and of course now it simply doesn’t fit and I can’t get it altered.’ ‘You had this made at Madame Rosemarie’s? My Ruby or I should say Claudette is the chanteuse at Madame Rosemaries, I never knew that you were a client there,’ May exclaimed. ‘Oh May that is simply wonderful, why that is perfect. Could I, I don’t suppose that you could ask her if I might be squeezed in for a fitting sometime in the next couple of days, I know that it is short notice but well, I was quite in a fix thinking that I didn’t know what I would do if I can’t get something new. Of course I am willing to pay extra for any premium service they could offer to get it done in time.’ 

Margo looked at May and laughed, ‘I know it is an imposition but I would be so grateful.’ May looked at all the beautiful clothes that Margo had so generously offered her. There were at least seven gowns for day wear and apart from the stunning blue chiffon there were four or five other dresses that were for evening wear, any which would be an asset to any woman’s wardrobe let alone hers or Iris’s. She had determined that at least three of the day wear and one of the evening wear would be more than perfect for her sister, let alone the two thick coats and the woollen skirts and jackets. May laughed for the joy of it as she held up the blue gown. ‘You will look beautiful in that May, I want you to wear it to the party, promise me that you will.’ May nodded and laughed again, ‘Margo I will speak to Ruby tonight and let you know in the morning and thank you, you are so very kind and generous.’ 

Margo beamed. ‘It is my pleasure my dear. Now come on, let’s get cracking on my draws, there are jumpers to get through not to mention all the silken under garments that I had hand made with Irish lace appliqued on that never saw the light of day, can you believe it but they are all still packed away in their tissue paper along with the negligee and a peignoir that matches, I did so love them.’ She held them up as she opened the draws and took them out one by one. May had never seen anything so delicate, the soft silken fabric almost transparent it was so fine and enticing and the lace panel insets were simple stunning in detail. Hah, and she had thought that she would never see anything finer than Madelaine Brazendale’s silk falderals, they were rags compared to the workmanship of these. ‘Were they all made at Madame Rosemarie’s then?’ She was clearly impressed beyond measure and had a new view of Ruby and her place of employment. She made a mental note to have a long talk to her sister, she really hadn’t given her due credit or respect for her position and it was about time that she did. 

She had never really had the time nor the money to spend on herself and apart from the outfit that she had ‘borrowed’ to go to tea in on that first fate filled day with Richard, she had never really had anything to wear that was of any consequence, but the effect of the new wardrobe certainly made a change in her. When she got home that afternoon after greeting Victor and spending some time playing with him, she went up to her room and tried on every single item that she had earmarked for herself. She was stunned as she looked at herself in the mirror. The rich silks and delicate fabrics had an amazing effect on her. It wasn’t merely that they felt wonderful to wear, it was something else, something that only that one time when she was at tea with Richard she had felt like before, she felt like she counted, like she was better than she was, she had something that she has lost a long time ago and suddenly had back… she regained some dignity.

Apart from the blue dress there was one other outfit that she was particularly drawn to, it was a kind of bronze and black shantung fabric that was overlaid with purple velvet throughout it, the three colours mixing together in a riot of rich luxurious and majestic colours. The bodice was a scooped cowl neckline and it was drawn in at the waist with two panels that met across the hips and tied so that they hung down delicately in a cacophony of shimmering whimsy. It had an almost ancient Egyptian flavour to it, suiting her ample figure to perfection, her creamy alabaster skin glowed and for once in her life, she felt beautiful. 

The dress was an ensemble and came with a black velvet evening coat affair that had a deep pleat at the back and then wrapped around the front, rounding upwards from the bottom hem to show off the panels of the dress as they hung down from the hips at the front. Rich bronze embroidery trailed down from the shoulders in a striking pattern with a cunning effect. The whole outfit was more than just stylish, it was stunning. She knew that more than likely she would never wear it but that didn’t matter, she just loved it and felt wonderful knowing that she had it, it was hers and as she hung it away carefully in the wardrobe she stopped to admire it again. It was beautiful and perfect and she wanted desperately to one day wear it, she sighed and went on straightening and putting away all the other pieces of apparel then went down stairs to begin cooking dinner and to day dream. 

It had been a long day and she couldn’t wait to get to bed. The next couple of weeks were going to be so busy and for the first time in a long time she realised that she had something to look forward to and she was excited. She was going to a party, a proper party and she had a beautiful dress to wear. She felt like Cinderella she laughed to herself, and she hoped that she would do the beautiful gown justice. 

Her last vision before she fell asleep was her blue gown hanging on the front of the wardrobe, the light through the curtains sending sparkling glints of the street lamp bouncing off it. It was going to be a wonderful night she thought to herself. It had been a mere twenty four hours since she had become engaged to Frank and for at least fourteen of them she hadn’t given him one single thought.

The same thing can’t be said of Richard, he seemed to be with her every waking moment, and with that thought, she promptly fell into a deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘Don’t forget to have Mrs Thomas at Madame Rosemarie’s at one o’clock sharp May.’ Ruby was yelling out over her shoulder from the hall where she was adjusting her hat on her way out to work the next morning. ‘I am only squeezing her in as a favour and I don’t want there to be any dramas. I won’t be responsible if you are late, she won’t get in on time. And don’t forget to take that sketch I showed you, the one with the rose pink drop waist, that will be perfect for her complexion. Show her and tell her if she likes it I can arrange to get it done on time but she has to turn up prompt at one mind you. Right,’ she said with one last tilt of her hat, ‘I am off see you at one then, ta ta,’ the banging of the door heralded her departure.

May was in the kitchen feeding Victor while waiting for Billy to get up so he could look after him for the day while she was at work. Billy’s role as club manager meant he didn’t have to be at work most days until after six so that meant that she had a baby sitter almost on call for Victor every day that she needed one and Billy really was very good with him. Today however, he was yet to appear in the kitchen and May was beginning to worry she would be late. 

‘Billy Moss,’ she stuck her head around the kitchen door and yelled up the stairs, ‘are you coming down or do I have to come up and get you?’ There was a muffled yell back from the region of his bed room and then she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. ‘Well it’s about time you were up. Cup of tea then, kettle’s on. Bacon buttie coming up.’ She busied herself, adjusting her apron to make sure she did not get any splashes on her new clothes from the hot fat spitting out of the pan as the thick slices of bacon sat sizzling in the pan. 

‘You were in late again last night or I should say this morning weren’t you?’ Billy sighed and looked up at her with tired eyes, his face pale and drawn, circles under his eyes. ‘It’s my boss. He is a right tosser at times and now he keeps bringing his nephew and his chums in every night. They stay back drinking and playing cards with no thought of my welfare. Some of us would like to be in bed but the boss’s pals have got plenty of money and plenty of leisure time so they don’t have to get up at a decent hour,’ Billy was saying.  
‘Besides,’ he took a mouth full of the thick bread and bacon May had just put on his plate, chewed a little, took a sip of tea then went on. ‘I think that he is selling his share to one of his pals and bringing in his nephew to run it on a day to day basis, do all the paper work and such that I am no good at. My jobs safe really and I don’t mind the nephew so much, I kind of feel for him. He had rather a hard time of it out in France and isn’t doing that well, then when he came back he was just stuck straight back into the family business and he couldn’t cope. He’d gone off the rails from what I understand and so my boss has taken him under his wing and is trying to help him get back on his feet.’ 

‘Sounds to me like your boss is rather a caring person doing that for his nephew and all,’ she commented as she piled the dishes in the sink. ‘Leave those May, I’ll do them once I finish, I have made you almost late as it is.’ Billy was still eating but he went on, ‘Yes you are right really. I guess that I just don’t like change that’s all and I haven’t met the boss’s mate that will be taking over so I have to keep in good as best as I can, and that means putting up with late nights I suppose,’ he sighed, ‘you’d best get a move on or you will miss your bus.’ ‘What’s a tosser?’ she heard Victor’s voice chirp as she went through the door to the hall to take off her apron, straighten her hair and get her coat. She would have loved to have heard Billy’s explanation of that one, she laughed to herself.

‘Why May, that is perfect. What a clever girl your Ruby is to come up with something so beautiful and really, I just can’t thank you or her enough for fitting me in at such short notice. What did you say she called this darling creation?’ They were in the morning room sorting out lists of guests and organising which china would be the best to use. Margo had already discussed the menu with her wonderful cook Mrs Bridgeman, who she considered to be an absolute marvel when it came to special occasions, and was known for her chicken and asparagus in aspic, let alone for her saddle of spring lamb a la rose, and what she did with a Queen Charlotte pudding was beyond belief. They would be having Canape of Anchovies, Cream of Celery with Melba toast, Aiguillette of Striped Bass Joinville, Potatoes a la Hollandaise, Chicken and Asparagus in Aspic, Spring Saddle of Lamb a la Rose, Waldorf Salad Mayonnaise and Queen Charlotte Pudding. There had been a hot debate whether to include Asparagus Tips au Gratin but sense prevailed and they had decided that one could have quite enough asparagus with the aspic dish being sufficient.

‘I think that Ruby said it was called Ashes of Rose, Margo,’ May replied to her question, ‘she said that it would suit your colouring and “bring out the delicate shades of madams complexion” and so forth,’ May replied in a mock cultured voice. Margo looked at her thoughtfully. ‘You know May, if you don’t mind me saying, you really do have a nice speaking voice when you put your mind to it. I hope that you take that in the spirit it was meant and don’t take any offence.’ May smiled. ‘Oh you mean when I talk right proper?’ she laughed as she said this in her broadest Scouse accent. Margo joined in the laughter and the two of them were soon in stiches for no reason in particular other than the sheer pleasure of it. 

‘I really do mean it,’ Margo said sincerely when they had both managed to compose themselves, ‘you have changed over the last little while. Why, when you walked in this morning looking so smart, for a moment I didn’t know you.’ May beamed. ‘Well if I have it is thanks to you, and your wardrobe. It’s funny though,’ she said thoughtfully, ‘I do feel different. For so long I haven’t felt …well, I haven’t felt like I mattered, like I meant anything. Oh I suppose for the longest time or well, since Victor was born, I have been too busy looking after him to think of me, but when I was trying on your dresses it just made me feel …’ she was searching for the right way to describe how she had felt, ‘well it just made me feel real again, like I mattered. It’s been a long time since I felt like thatm’ she went on dreamily, ‘not since Rich…’ She stopped. ‘Not since Victor’s Father?’ Margo finished. ‘May I have to ask you, I couldn’t help but notice the ring that you are wearing,’ she hesitated before going on, ‘did Frank give it to you?’

When May had previously confided in Margo she had told her about Frank and she had told her of his recent proposal but she had said nothing to anyone of her acceptance, nothing that was until now. ‘I am going to marry Frank, Margo.’ Margo bit her lip. She didn’t know why but she felt a real disappointment for her companion. ‘Are you happy May? Does Frank make you happy?’ she was asking her, watching the other’s face for any signs that would reveal her real feelings. ‘Frank will make a good father for Victor, he is kind to the boy and dotes on him.’ May responded without looking her in the eye. ‘May, that is not what I asked you and you know it. Are you happy, is this what you really want?’  
‘Does it really matter whether I am or not? Right at this moment I don’t want to answer that question, I don’t think that what I particularly want really matters.’ 

She stopped short, those very words ringing in her ears. She had heard those very same words used before. Her mind flashed back to the night that she had very nearly given her own child away. Richard had used those very same words when asked what he wanted. A blinding flash of insight swept through her mind and May swayed a little at the thought. Was that it, was that how he had felt at that moment. That he had done what was the right thing to do even though he didn’t want to do it. Had she been blind?

She also remembered vividly saying that she had never wanted a child and that she had just wanted to be wanted. And she remembered her very own words – ‘happiness isn’t always what you want, it is accepting what you are given. This child was given to me.’ She had made a decision that night to keep Victor, it had been the right choice and more than that, it had given her the very thing that she had said that she wanted… to be wanted, and that was what Victor did unquestioningly, so how could she deny him the right to have every opportunity in his life. Frank was that opportunity. ‘It is what Victor needs Margo and that is all that matters to me,’ she replied with dignity. 

‘Oh May.’ Margo hugged her to her, ‘You are so very special May, and you deserve to have some happiness. I do understand, really I do. Victor is everything to you and I can understand that. If you ever need anything, anything at all, I want you to come to me. We will always be here for you, do you hear me?’ she emphasised. May nodded unable to speak. She knew if she did then her resolve would disintegrate and a flood gate of emotions would erupt so she kept silent but she was very grateful to Margo, grateful to have found a friend that understood her so completely and understood her motives. Margo was a loving mother so she knew that she would do the same in her position, she would do anything for the sake of her children. ‘Come on then, we had best not be late for Madame Rosemarie or we will have Ruby to answer to,’ May said. Margo smiled and without further ado she called for the chauffeur and gathering hats, coats and handbags they left for the appointment. 

Much to Ruby’s satisfaction they arrived on time for the fitting and May introduced Margo to Ruby. May’s companion, as Margo continually insisted on being referred to, was delighted with meeting the sister of her “friend” and with the fitting. When she specifically told Madame Rosemarie what a talented treasure she thought Ruby was, and insisted on being measured for a whole new wardrobe, Madame beamed and assured her that her dress would be ready on time for the dinner party. Ruby was glowing with praise for Margo in a conversation she was having with May while Margo had a quiet word in private with the Madame. Margo asked that May be measured up for a gown but to keep the design of the gown secret and insisted that Ruby was not to know about it. She said that she wanted it to be a surprise for both the sisters and asked if that was possible, giving her all the details of her request and insisting in the utmost discretion. May deserved to have a very special outfit and Margo was determined to see that she got it.

They did some more shopping after leaving the dressmakers, Margo wanting to pick up some personal luxuries that she would not have time to get with the rest of the coming weeks being so busy. She stopped at the new big department store that catered for the more affluent in society, show casing all the latest in must have accessories, hosiery and perfumes and skin preparations. ‘May, I simply must get some silk stockings and ohh… what is that delightful fragrance?’ Margo led May over to a counter with divinely cut glass bottles of all shapes and sizes. ‘This is heaven,’ she said as the shop assistant wafted a fine spray over her wrists. ‘Shall we?’ She turned to May with a wicked smile on her face. Before May could say anything Margo had two bottles wrapped and paid for then taking her by the hand, headed off to the hosiery counter, not leaving until she had bought several pairs for herself and May in various shades and deniers.

‘Margo really, I can’t accept these and perfume and …’ Margo gave her such a crushed look the she somehow managed to feel guilty for not accepting them. ‘Come on, we need to revive ourselves now and I know the perfect place,’ and with that she was off again and much to May’s horror, before she knew it, she found herself sitting at the exact same table, in the exact same place that Richard had taken her for tea. She half expected to see Claude Freeman come bouncing in with his burgundy robe and his suave ways and pretty speech. Not much had changed in the room other than a fresh coat of paint and new music playing by the same quartet that had been her downfall the last time she was there, when they broke out into Cherry Ripe and Claude had recognised her in her alter ego of Eugenie Cleregere. She trembled a little at the thought of it but then flushed when her memories stirred her and she felt again for the first time, the touch of Richard’s hand. 

The other inhabitants of the tea tables were much as she had previously observed. Well to do, and well-appointed women, all dressed to the nines in the utmost of fashionable couture, dresses, hats and gloves, hair immaculate and yes, with the customary string of pearls on their open collared blouses, all in abundance. 

Pearls, oh lord how they haunted her. The wonderfully exquisite moment that she had found the string of pearls in his linen coat pocket, why she could still smell his scent on the coat as she had held it scrunched to her nose, hugging it in delight at the thought that he had bought her such a gift. That intoxicating fragrance he had that soaked through her being whenever he was close to her, melting her heart and thrilling her, running over her skin like sunlight on a summer’s day, warming her and enthralling her. She closed her eyes and drank in the memory of it, drinking deeply from the forbidden exhilaration she had felt at the touch of his velvet skin on hers, mixing with the danger of his heady scent. 

Pearls and his coat would forever be intertwined in her consciousness, no, it wasn’t the pearls that she had been euphoric over, it was the very act of him getting them for her. It left her breathless still, remembering that moment and all the others, yet here she was sitting sedately drinking tea in the very place that had started it all and somehow managing to keep her composure. She might not have thought it but May had come a long way since that day the innocent and naïve maid had gone to tea with her handsome employer. She had grown more than she knew and anyone that saw the two women sitting there now would not have recognised her as the simple, unsophisticated girl that she had been only a few short years before. Even Claude Freeman would have had his head turned more than a little at the change. 

‘We need to order some extra flowers for the hall way and remind me to tell Bellamy to make sure that the silver is polished and …’ Margo took a sip of her tea and went on, ‘really there is just so much to do isn’t there. I sent out the invitations and of course the acceptances should start arriving today in the evening post, oh and by the way, I have found you the most delightful dinner partner. I am sure you will get on with him he…’ The waitress interrupted her at this moment arriving with a tiered cake stand with the most wonderful cakes and tempting assortment of delicacies that May had seen. They were all exquisitely presented and much too appealing to be dismissed. 

It was quite some time later, on their way home in fact that May realised just what Margo had said to her. ‘Margo,’ she finally managed to get a word in, in between the multitude of things to do that she had been going over, ‘Margo I think that I misunderstood you earlier, you mentioned something about dining and a partner,’ she queried. Margo turned to her and smiled. In her own mind she had it all planned. He was a business acquaintance of her husbands and for some unknown reason she had been riveted by the account of his circumstances and had suddenly had the idea that he would make a wonderful partner for May. 

She had said nothing of her idea to George of course, he would have been shocked at his wife’s scheme as it was so far removed from her normal demeanour, being one of minding one’s own business, but Margo was so very taken with May and her position plus, she was even a little desperate because she knew that she was running out of time… marriage with Frank was looming for May and in Margo’s mind it just didn’t seem to be good enough for her. She deserved better. She had never interfered with anyone’s life before but she really did feel compelled to do so now. Besides, she thought to herself, she looked on May as her protégé and was determined to raise her to the heights that she deserved. 

‘May dearest, why you are to dine with us, didn’t I tell you?’ Margo said innocently and with the sweetest of countenances. ‘Dine with you? You mean you want me to be a dinner guest?’ May was stunned. ‘Why yes, of course I want you to. That was what I meant when I said that I wanted you to be there, I am sorry I thought that you knew that.’ May shook her head. ‘No, no I had no idea. I thought that you just wanted me to help you get ready on the night and well, I did half wonder why you said to wear the blue dress but I thought that it was just in case you needed me to fetch something for you on the night, in case I had to appear in front of the guests.’ 

May’s nerves twanged at the thought that she was required to dine with the others. She had been excited by the thought of being in a house where there was to be a dinner party and she would be witness to it, that was exciting but this, this new news well, it wasn’t so much exciting as terrifying.

This was going to be an experience that May felt she would never forget and she wasn’t sure that it would be a good one. 

 

 

   
 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

The next few weeks were so full of preparations that May had very little spare time other than for Victor. She would always make time for him, no exceptions, but the same can’t be said for Frank and he was getting mightily annoyed about it. ‘When we are married I don’t want you working there.’ They were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea the night before the dinner after Frank had dropped in uninvited, as usual, for supper. ‘Shush,’ May had warned, ‘Ruby is in the scullery and might here you,’ she had hissed, very annoyed with his comments on two grounds. One, because he hadn’t lowered his voice and she didn’t want anyone to hear his talk of marriage and two, because she had no intentions of giving up working for Margo who she had come to consider her dearest friend. 

‘Well I don’t like your precious Margo,’ Frank said rather grumpily. ‘She is snooty and I don’t think that she is a good influence on you May. She is giving you ideas beyond your station in life. Everyone has a place they should be and you don’t fit in with that crowd,’ he said rather tactlessly. She was livid. ‘My station in life… oh yes, and exactly what is my station in life Frank, what would you have me do then, stay at home all day doing dishes and cooking and cleaning and having no life at all then?’ She was whispered furiously to him. He shook his head. ‘I rather thought that you would be looking after the children,’ he said it with a hurt tone to his voice and with a rather whimsical look on his face.

May was mortified. She was obviously no virgin and no longer in the least naïve about sex but the thought of her having Frank’s children and all that entailed, well it was not a prospect that she had ever wanted to think about, she couldn’t think about, she really saw Frank as a friend or, why even a brother, the thought of having sex with him … ‘May, you do want children don’t you?’ Frank had suddenly become apprehensive; her demeanour was not exactly encouraging. She looked at him and looked away, stalling for time. She really didn’t want to discuss this right now, she was nervous enough about tomorrow night as it was but thankfully before the conversation could go any further Ruby reappeared in the kitchen and settled herself down at the table with a sketch pad and pencil preparing to attempt some new designs for Madame’s spring collection and a wedding dress for Iris, all much to May’s relief. 

Despite Iris’s plea for discretion, both she and John were so very much in love that they had decided not to wait any longer and after Iris discussed her position with her Mother Superior, who consequently gave her blessing to her union and bid that she go in peace, they broke the news to not only Ruby, Billy and Frank but also bit the bullet and confronted Dada. Both Iris and May had been in total dread of the potential confrontation but with John by her side, Iris was determined that nothing would stand in her way now that she had made a commitment to John. 

After introductions all round, there had been an uneasy expectation of pending disaster as the whole family sat uncomfortably in the parlour waiting for Dada, sitting in his Sunday finest which Iris had insisted he wear and looking extremely ill at ease in his collared shirt and his scratchy woollen suit jacket, waiting for him to say something. All of them were all on pins and needles least there should be one of his famous tirades and Iris was terrified that despite her warnings to John of her Father’s rough ways, that he would judge her for it and instantly flee. 

When he finally did speak it was the last thing that any one of them had ever expected. ‘You’re not a god forsaken Papist I take it are you because I will not stand for a daughter of mine marrying into …it was bad enough that she…,’ he was spluttering and was almost incoherent. He had not forgiven what he saw as her betrayal joining the nunnery and truly, when push came to shove, he was delighted that she had chosen this course of action, anything to get her out of their clutches he thought privately. Much to Dada’s relief, John confirmed he was protestant. ‘What are your prospects then? How do you plan to support the two of you? I won’t have her back here under this roof, there are too many of us as it is,’ he blustered, ignoring the fact that he no longer really even lived there. His bluntness embarrassed all of them with the exception of John. He had been prepared for something like this and took it all in his stride. 

‘Despite my injuries,’ he replied calmly, ‘I am not without an income and I assure you Mr Moss that I will do everything in my power to provide for Iris. My late Father was in business and I was at Oxford actually before the war, but of course all that has changed now. However my Father had a friend that kept the business going throughout the war and if I might say, has done a good job of it, and now that the war is over and I am able to get back on my feet, I will be returning to it and making him a partner. That is what he deserves and it is the smart thing to do. It is still a small engineering plant but with the boom in the motor industry the prospects are looking bright,’ he said with some dignity, ‘and will generate more than enough income to support my new family and that of Lawrence and his. We are even looking at expanding and venturing into other fields. There are opportunities to be had now that we are at peace.’

He turned and took Iris’s hand and smiled at her to give her some reassurance. Whether he had impressed Mr Moss he neither knew nor cared, he was determined that he and Iris would marry with or without her Father’s consent but for her sake he preferred it to be with approval. She smiled a small grateful smile at him. The others were sitting rather in awe and were clearly stirred by John’s speech. Billy had a look of respect on his face as he gazed at John, Ruby was astonished that he was standing up to him and May; well he had simply confirmed what May had thought from the moment that she had met him, he was perfect for Iris and she was so very happy for her sister.

The room was so quite they could hear the ticking of the clock on the mantel. All were holding their breaths waiting for the explosion to come. ‘Well then,’ Dada stood up and going over to John, he held out his hand. ‘Welcome to the Moss family. You and your children will always be welcome here,’ he said frankly, Iris blushing at the inference but never the less exulted that things had turned out this way. ‘Just be taking care of her is all I expect and don’t be letting her down. She has been let down before this you know. I want grandchildren and plenty of them.’ They all cringed a little at his tactlessness but that didn’t take away anything from the relief that they were all feeling. 

There were hugs all around and the shaking of hands then they all settled down to an afternoon of tea and cakes, sandwiches and some of Iris’s handmade chocolates by way of celebrating the news. The happy and relieved couple were all smiles and Victor was beside himself as he was allowed to sit on ‘Uncle John’s knee’ and share in the festivities. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was all about as he didn’t really understand what the conversation between the grown ups had meant but whatever it was, he could see that everyone was very happy. 

The event had taken place over a week ago now and Iris had been allowed to stay on living at the respite hospice until arrangements could be made for their marriage to take place in as short a time as possible. This news had rather surprised Iris but Mother Superior had apparently been in contact with the benefactor who had paid for Iris’s dowry and explained the situation. Instead of withdrawing his funds, he had requested that for as long as necessary she was to remain there and he would continue to support her. ‘You know you really are incredibly lucky Iris,’ she had said to her. ‘It is not often someone as generous as this comes along.’ Iris knew this and was extremely touched that a total stranger would be so accommodating of her circumstances and she determined that she would write and thank him. It was the least that she could do she thought.

Ruby was in a frenzy of design creativity with a million ideas for a wedding gown for her sister. They had decided that they did not want to wait so there was much to do on that front to have things organised in as short a time as possible and May was thankful that Ruby’s entrance into the kitchen had halted the conversation that she had been having with Frank. She was too nervous about Margo’s dinner to entertain anything else at the moment; she had more than enough to give her cause for anxiety, hoping that the night would be such a success for her friend and that they had not overlooked any details. 

May slept rather badly that night. Whether it was the excitement of the next evening or whether it had been Frank’s implication of expecting children or a combination of both, she really couldn’t say but when she woke in the morning she had vague memories of snatches of dreams, all of which involved Victor’s birth and calling for Richard to be there in her pain. She recalled the long birth that she had gone through and the agony of what she had endured but then she suddenly remembered a flash, a part of her dream that had been so real. 

She had seen herself lying on the floor twisted and contorted with yet another hideously agonising contraction, pain and fear oozing from every pore of her body, feeling like her very life’s blood was being squeezed from her drop by drop and adding another nail in the coffin of her excruciatingly deplorable situation. And then the door had opened and it seemed a white light had shone through it.

At first she had been unable to make anything out, her eyes blinded by the light and unable to focus through the sweat dripping into her eyes but then she suddenly realised the pain had gone and she felt at peace. As her eyes slowly came into focus she saw a shape through the light coming towards her and as it did a feeling of love and wellbeing grew within her until she felt engulfed and protected in its arms. Looking up she found Richard’s face smiling down at her and she knew then that everything was going to be all right. He was there with her, watching as she gave birth. He was cradling her tenderly and then holding Victor as he was born out of the love they had for each other and given safely into their loving arms.

All was right with the world, Richard was there with them both, loving them with all his heart and surrounding them with his love.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

May had woken with a start, her heart was beating like a drum and she was trembling. It took her a few moments to fully wake up and calm herself after the memory of the dream came back to her with a frightening reality. Although she was shaken to the core by her nightly visions, she had no time today to let herself even begin to think of her dream but try as she might, the feeling of security she had lying in Richard’s arms staid with her as she got ready to leave. She simply couldn’t shake it off. 

She had arranged for Billy to look after Victor during the day and Ruby would care for him after work until she was driven home late that night by the Thomas’s chauffeur, Jenkins. Every detail was taken care of but the day was spent going over anything that both Margo and May thought might need attention. 

As promised, Margo’s gown had been delivered the day before, Ruby having made sure that it was a pure delight to behold. It had turned out to be an absolute triumph and Margo was ecstatic with the results. She had been right of course insisting on Ashes of Roses for the colour of the delicate fabric. The colour suited Margo’s raven hair to perfection. Her creamy skin glowed and the beading on the dress was a celebration of the handiwork of those unsung heroes in the back room of Madame’s who had spent long hours stitching each tiny sparkle into its appropriate place with the greatest of care. She had tried it on when it arrived and stood in front of her cheval mirror in her dressing room, pirouetting and dancing like a school girl, totally enchanted by the swishing of the hem as she turned, the soft fabric draping perfectly. Her cheeks flushed with happiness.  
‘Oh May, you know I think this is the most perfect gown that I have ever owned. I love it to pieces,’ she enthused as she hugged May to her in her excitement. ‘I must get changed and ring Madame’s to tell them how very pleased I am. I am thrilled.’ 

Margo had insisted that May bring everything that she needed with her so that late in the afternoon they both retired to get changed for dinner, Margo changing first with the help of May and then whilst her maid did her hair, May went and got changed into the blue chiffon gown in Margo’s dressing room. 

When she finally appeared in the bedroom she looked lovely but Margo insisted that now, since Edith had finished doing a wonderful creation with her own hair that May too should have a treat and so she sat her down at her dressing table and watched with anticipation as Edith worked wonders with May’s long tresses. Somehow she managed to sweep her hair up into what appeared to be loose but intricate bundles of curls that sat around her neckline and with the aid of curling tongs she swept the front across in a coiffure that was elegantly subtle but extremely flattering. When she had finished Edith stepped back to allow both May and Margo a full view of her accomplishment. 

May was astonished by what she saw looking back at her in the mirror as she looked at herself. The woman looking back at her was no one that she knew, she was smart and witty and poised and confident. She was fashionable, polished, modish … classy. She was a stranger to her but she was a wonder too, someone that May wanted to know and wanted to be. 

It was debatable who was more surprised by the finished creation, May or Margo. Both of them were stunned by the entire effect of the hair and the dress. May stood up and turned to Margo with tears in her eyes and Margo was silent as she took in the picture that May made. She looked sophisticated, stylish, chic even and, utterly different. ‘Why May you look positively beautiful my dear.’ Margo smiled at her. 

She flung herself into Margo’s arms. ‘Thank you,’ was all she was able to say with such sincerity that it bought tears to Margo’s eyes and she kissed her cheek. ‘You are going to have a wonderful night my dear. It will be as special for you as it will be for me. I want you to enjoy yourself and don’t worry about a thing; I know that you are going to be fine. Trust me. Now come on, it is time to get the show on the road as they say. The guests will start arriving any minute now so I want you to stay near me as I greet them. And don’t worry, I won’t be far away if you think you will get lost with conversation dear, just be yourself and remember to smile.’ She patted May’s hand and taking her arm they preceded down stairs to where Mr Thomas was waiting for them.

Margo was right May thought as she was standing near the entrance to the drawing room sipping delicately on a sweet sherry. Over the previous weeks she had schooled her on the etiquette of all things that were socially acceptable when it came to dinner parties and so forth. It had been an education and had included pre dinner drinks, something entirely new to May and one that she had found, after several afternoons of much mirth, nowhere near as bad as she had been led to believe. She still did not hold to strong liquor but smiled a little to herself when she thought of how naïve she had been the night that Richard had shared a glass of what more than likely had been a rather expensive wine with her. At the time it had been rather a waste but now it would be a different matter. She was a different person now she thought to herself, her smile broadening, her confidence soaring with each new guest she was introduced to. 

Everything was going along swimmingly. Several of the guests had stopped to chat about this and that after introductions had been made and she had managed to keep the conversation flowing without feeling out of her depth until they had to move on and make way for the next guest that arrived. She was relaxing more and more with every minute that went by. Her confidence positively soared, and then unexpectedly disaster struck. She had wandered over to stand closer to Margo when the butler Bellamy asked to have a quite word explaining that Teddy had seemed to have mislaid his most precious stuffed animal Woofie, a small furry bedraggled replica of an Airedale terrier that he simply adored and refused to go to sleep without.

May was standing close enough to hear what had happened and she stepped in seeing Margo’s distress. ‘It is alright, I will go. I am sure that I saw him with it this morning when we were in the flower room doing the flower arrangements, I think he may have left it in there. I will go and see, please don’t leave your guests. I will find it and take it to him and settle him.’ Margo looked so relieved. ‘Oh May would you? Thank you, there are only about six more to come and I really should be here to meet them. Just find it for him and come down when you are ready. And thank you.’ She patted her cheek and May smiled as she moved off in the direction of the small room off the hallway near the library. 

It took her some ten minutes of hunting around in amongst the baskets and paraphernalia of the room before she found the little toy dog and then another ten minutes to settle Teddy down and get him to go to sleep. He had been so upset that he asked for a bed time story and she just couldn’t refuse knowing how her Victor would be if he had mislaid the small toy aeroplane that went everywhere with him. She left him some time later soundly asleep clutching Woofie tightly in his little arms in total peace.

So by the time that she got back down stairs the guests had been seated and she had missed greeting the last arrivals. She stopped in the hallway to glance in the large guilt framed mirror and smooth her hair, not that it was out of place but more out of nerves as she now would have to enter the room in front of everyone on her own and that would draw attention to her. She looked back at herself, smiled and taking a deep breath she peered around the doorway into the dining room. She scanned the seats and noticed all but one was taken. 

As her eyes ran down the table to where her empty seat stood waiting for her she glanced at the other occupants. Apart from various guests that she had already been introduced to there was a scattering of local acquaintances of Margo and George. She had met the Vicar of the local parish and vaguely noticed that Margo had seated him to the right of where she would be sitting. Then there was a younger son of the local manor house, a very horsey kind of person with his very horsey kind of wife, and there were one or two other locals of equal importance plus the business acquaintances that she has already been introduced to earlier in the evening too so she had a fair idea of most of the guests bar those that had come while she was upstairs. 

As she was about to step out of the doorway into the room her eyes glanced across again to where she was to be seated and scanning across from the vicar to the right of her seat she looked with interest to see who was to be dining on the other side of her. She stopped short. Her heart lurched. She managed to grab a hold onto the door frame and pulled herself back out into the hallway nearly colliding with Bellamy carrying a tray with food on it. 

‘Miss May,’ as the servants had been instructed to call her in keeping with her knew status within the household, ‘what is it?’ he asked alarmed at her colour. She was deadly white and shaking. ‘Are you ill?’ She cautiously peeked around the corner of the door way again and looked across the table. 

At second glance she realised, much to her relief, that although the man sitting there was so very much like him, it wasn’t Richard as her first glimpse had led her to believe. This stranger had a softer more baby face, perhaps around a similar age but younger looking, like Richard would have looked perhaps before he went off to war. His hair was slightly different too; it was a bit longer and ever so moderately darker. It had a small wave in it and was not dressed the way Richard’s was when she had last seen him but his eyes; even from this distance she could see the blue of his eyes. They were stunningly similar. 

She nodded to Bellamy, for a moment she was unable to speak until shakily she blurted out, ‘No, it’s nothing, just a case of nerves, really I am fine,’ she smiled, her immediate fear subsided now. ‘If I might say Miss May, you look as good if not better than any of our guests,’ Bellamy commented in a supportive tone, giving her a wink of encouragement.

With that she squared her shoulders and summoning as much poise as she could muster, she walked boldly into the lion’s den to take her place at the table.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

Taking her seat she had barely had time to look around before the Vicar began a long winded conversation about fund raising for the repairs to the church steeple which ran on throughout the appetiser, entrée and it was not until the main course was ending did he finally seem to run out of steam on the subject, much to May’s relief. While she had attempted to give him her full and undivided attention she had been a little distracted by the effort it took to hide side way glances at the guest to her left.

She was endeavouring to be as discreet as possible but it seemed that every time she looked around he too was being held in animated conversation by the older gentleman to his left. She had a vague idea of an introduction to the older chap earlier in the night informing her that he was a distant cousin to George who was visiting from Scotland but that was as far as it went other than he appeared to be a little hard of hearing, spoke in a fairly loud booming voice and smelt of mothballs. In between the Vicar rabbiting on and on she caught vague snatches of their conversation along the lines of “in my time in the Boer war” and had assumed that the conversation had turned to the war and the merits of battles thereof, a subject that was of very little interest to her but seemed to dominate conversations of men who were over a certain age such as he was. 

So she was stuck politely listening to the Vicar for what seemed like hours with little or no idea of what her companion to her left was in the remotest like at all. Respite from the Vicar’s droning on and on came by way of a mishap. She had Bellamy to thank for diverting the Vicar’s attention away from her. As he had drawn breath and was just about to launch into yet another long winded conversation about the merits of a cake bake sale, he clumsily knocked over a glass of water that spilled down the front of his suit and required some attention. 

Moving her chair a little to give Bellamy the room to mop up the sodden wretch, she had to lean over a little to her left and it was then that her companion first spoke to her. He too had been held captive in unwelcome long winded discussions with the guest to the other side of him and neither had had the opportunity to speak until now even though secretly they were both curious about the other.

‘I hope that your wonderful dress hasn’t been affected by the Vicar’s mishap? It would be such a shame to see such a delightful vision, such as it is, ruined,’ her companion said in a soft almost musical voice. ‘I am Stephen by the way, Stephen Bannerman.’ He smiled and held out an elegant, well-manicured hand to her. ‘I am May Moss and thank you but no, my dress is fine,’ she replied a little shyly adding, ‘thank you anyway.’ She smiled timidly as she looked at him, trying hard not to stare and hiding a tiny shiver that ran through her as she searched his face.  
It was hard for her not to make comparisons given that Stephen was so very much alike to Richard that had she not known he was on only child, a point that he had talked about with her the night they had sat in the kitchen sipping wine and discussing the merits of empty rooms, she would have possibly believed a connection between the two of them.  
She remembered distinctly the talk they had on the subject of only children as though it was only yesterday, recalling vividly how she had told him she loved empty rooms and in his turn he had been sad about the empty rooms within his life. For a fleeting moment she wondered if he still felt the same way, if he still had empty rooms or had they duped some other poor unsuspecting creature, Richard seducing her, to give Mrs Brazendale what she wanted. Her thoughts turned dark at the picture her mind had conjured up but the soft voice of Stephen thankfully drew her out of the place that she didn’t want to go to, that other time that had been the best and worst in her life up until now. 

‘So tell me May, how is that you come to know George and Margo?’ he asked her, curious to know more about her. ‘Well, it’s like this…’ May replied, explaining she was Margo’s friend and companion, just as Margo herself had instructed her to say in the event that she was asked about herself and her relationship to them. At the time she had not felt comfortable with this little exaggeration of her original position but Margo had insisted. ‘I don’t feel like I am an employer and you and employee. You are my friend now May and much more. I would be lost without you so please do not think that it is in any way a cheat by saying this. It is how I look on you so it is the truth.’ 

At least the small exaggeration of her humble beginnings of acquaintanceship with the family could be plausibly glossed over enough to permit a more socially acceptable relationship. It wasn’t as if May actually really cared all that much for herself but she did care for Margo and George and their social standing. They had been good to her, more than good to her and she too felt that Margo was a friend. She was the one person on earth outside her family that didn’t judge her. Well, to be fair, other than Richard. He too had never really judged her.  
There had been the occasion where he had put her in her place by insisting that she enter by the side door after returning from a sojourn with Claude but looking back now she could see it was done out of his fear of losing her to his nefarious colleague and nothing more. His words were spoken in jealousy of a relationship that was to May’s eyes at the time, nothing more than a bit of fun and excitement but other than that she had never felt that he looked down on her family circumstances. He may have been slightly amused by her way with words and outlook on life but because he had admitted that his Father was a self-made, he knew that there but for the grace of god went he. 

She’d never really thought about this part of their relationship before, not given it any real consideration as to how very unlikely it was for someone of Richard’s standing to fall in love with someone of her background. Her mouth nearly fell open at the thought that he really must have loved her and been sincere when he had told her that he loved her under the circumstances. Fool, why had she not realised that for a man like him to even offer to set her up in an apartment and care for hers and Victor’s welfare then he really must have cared a great deal. Why hadn’t she seen it before? Why had she been so consumed with expecting the worst of him that she failed to see the best of him she asked herself? She closed that door in her mind for further examination at another time. Now was neither the time nor the place to think clearly about her revelation, it would keep. 

Stephen had listened with interest at her explanation. For some reason May intrigued him. He felt there was something about her, some kind of hidden depth to her that he couldn’t put his finger on but he wanted to know more about. She was more than just a pretty face and after all, with all that he too had been through, he knew from bitter experience that a pretty face did not necessarily mean a jot in the world when push came to shove, pretty faces were not all they were cracked up to be when the owner broke your heart and left you bereft of all hope for the future and in a puddle of pitying self-loathing and despair. 

‘And you?’ May asked him out of interest, wondering how he had come to know them, ‘have you known them long?’ ‘Not all that long really. I have only come to know George recently really through a family member who has proposed a business venture. If all goes well we will be finalising an agreement shortly, or that is what our intentions are,’ he clarified as he spoke, ‘and then I will be working with him in a manner of speaking I suppose you could say. It’s all pretty exciting really so cross your fingers for me and wish me luck.’ He smiled and his eyes sparkled, changing his rather sombre but lovely face, taking away the rather pinched hint of melancholy she had recognised at closer scrutiny as she studied him while he talked. ‘And what of you May, do you have any plans in your future?’ he asked with interest. 

She suddenly thought of what the future was holding for her and her stomach lurched. The bleak dreariness of her prospects thudding down around her like a dank tedious shroud. Frank, the prospects of his children, his insistence that she give up working for Margo and a two up – two down were the prospects that stared her squarely in her eyes.  
She held no aspirations to better herself, those days were gone after her experience with the infamous Claude and her brush with movies. Hardly anything that she really even wanted to remember, although it did lead to her rescue from a fate worse than, hmm… worse than what she recalled, worse than a love affair with a married man and a child out of wedlock? Still, she was now no longer a dreamer and her romantic notions of being famous or even successful at anything had been knocked out of her in one final and stinging comment from Richard: pearls are for wives. 

No, she was never going to be anything special, anything other than May Moss, mother of Victor and living as best she could to give her child as much of a good life as she possibly could. Hardly anything to get excited about or brag about, and certainly nothing that she wanted to share with her dinner companion she mused, but before she could answer George stood and announced that coffee would be served in the drawing room and so she was thankfully saved from giving an explanation of her none existent future life.

As Stephen pulled out her chair and assisted her to make her way to the other room, she silently thanked God for small mercies. She had been saved from the pain of admitting that she had no future in particular that she was looking forward to or that she could or wanted to share. The humiliation of the admission would have ruined what so far she had felt to be pretty much of a social triumph in her life. 

Yes, thank God for small mercies she smiled grimly to herself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

Margot wore the satisfied smile of a cat as she looked across the room to where May sat in animated conversation with Stephen. She had been right, she knew or had hoped from the moment that Mr Thomas had given her his guest list and recounted the background to Stephen’s story that they would hit it off. She just felt it in her bones. She did worry that George would not approve if he knew what she was up to but she hoped that he never really found out. Men were not the most observant she had noticed and that would suit her schemes just fine, thank you very much. 

She moved across the room effortlessly, making her way over to be within hearing shot of the couple. She had no scruples in regards to eaves dropping on their conversation, all was fair in love and war and she was so hoping that this would turn into the former and not the later of course. 

Having made their way into the drawing room Stephen had made a point of staying by May’s side, doggedly determined to engage her in further conversation. As they sat together sipping on their coffee they talked of this and that, life, the war, the daily trials of living in a post war England in these new and adventurous times, and how at times life could be a rather lonely place when you are on your own. 

From his conversation May had the impression that he had been having a rather tough time of it lately and she concluded that there was as sadness to him despite his enthusiasm for the future. She garnered the idea that he was trying just a little too hard to give the impression that all was right with the world when perhaps it hadn’t been the case for him personally. She could relate to that. 

Her face was aching a little from smiling, something that she was unused to doing after such a long time of not having too much to smile about. She was finding that he was a very comfortable and comforting kind of person to be around and she got the impression that underneath it all they had a lot in common, a shared hurt that wouldn’t really heal so to speak, so when he asked her if she would like to dine with him during the week and perhaps go dancing, she felt so at ease in his presence that she threw caution to the wind and said yes.

It was not until she was finally in bed later that evening that she thought over the night and she examined her feelings about her knew acquaintance. What on earth was she thinking of? Here she was unofficially engaged to Frank, with a child out of wedlock and agreeing to go out with a man that she knew very little about. She felt foolish. She felt more than foolish; she was suddenly horrified by what she had done. Hadn’t her reckless actions in the past gotten her into the situation that she was in now? Was this yet another case of being taken in by a pair of blue eyes and softly spoken voice? 

Whatever had she been thinking? Didn’t she realise that despite everything Margo said, Frank was right, she had a place in life and bettering herself was just a fool’s dream? Who did she think she was trying to be someone better than she was, just look at where that had gotten her before she admonished herself. But then she recalled the genuine eagerness Stephen had shown when he asked her out and she felt a real loneliness coming from him. She had no idea why but she felt that in his own way, he was just as lost as she was. She might be kidding herself on that score but shrugging to herself she thought what the hell, it’s only dinner and dancing, didn’t she deserve a night out? And with that thought in her head laying her doubts to one side, she promptly fell into the deep sleep of exhaustion after what had been a long and successful day. 

‘May, what a triumph!’ Margot had gushed to her the next day after the dinner party. ‘I can’t tell you how impressed all of George’s business associates were. He is absolutely over the moon and insisting we make it a regular occasion.’ She was positively beaming with joy as she told her friend how overjoyed she was. ‘The food went over a treat and thanks to you everything went so smoothly. Teddy told me that you found Woofie and read him a bed time story. I can’t tell you how sweet that was of you and,’ she put her arm around May and gave her a squeeze, ‘Teddy wasn’t the only one to be taken in by you either. You made a great impression on Stephen, so much so that he rang first thing this morning to thank us profusely for inviting him. Now what do you think of that?’

May turned beetroot red but said nothing. ‘Come now, tell me all about it. You know he is the nicest of souls. I am so glad that you hit it off. I rather hoped that you would you see,’ her expression changed to a more serious note, ‘he’s had rather a bad time of it. He went through hell during the war and I believe that he recently was very let down by a girl. It rather shook him up and on top of everything he’s had a spot of bother with a rather unsympathetic Father. So you see he’s in a rather vulnerable position and I felt, well with what you have been through that perhaps you both shared something in common.’

May nodded. Yes, she understood now something of the feelings that she sensed when she talked to him last night. A mutual empathy for each other and the unspoken similarities of the hurt and broken hearts they both shared without knowing. That rather made sense now why they had seemed to be drawn to one another, each looking for someone to simply share some companionable time with. She was rather glad now that she had agreed to meet him again. In fact, she was rather looking forward to it instead of feeling guilty. She only had one small reservation now, how on earth was she going to keep it from Frank.

The night that Stephen called to pick May up for their dinner engagement Ruby had been working later than usual overseeing the cutting of Iris’s wedding gown so she had only just arrived home and had not had time to change out of the smart outfit that she was wearing when he arrived at the door step. Because of her position at the salon Ruby’s appearance necessitated her to look the part. More than just well-groomed she had to be immaculate. Everything from the latest example of elegant gown to the finest of hosiery and shoes were all de rigour so she was thus apparelled when she answered the knock on the door. The look of utter amazement and absolute admiration on Stephen’s face when he saw her was perhaps a little lost on Ruby at that particular moment as she was tired and more than a little annoyed that she had forgotten tonight was the night that May was going out and leaving Victor in her charge.

‘What do you mean you need me to mind Victor?’ she had questioned May suspiciously when she had asked Ruby if she would be free earlier in the week. ‘It’s none of your business Ruby, I just need you to do it,’ May had replied defiantly. ‘Why?’ Ruby had retorted suspiciously. ‘Because I said so that’s why.’ ‘May look at me, why do you want me to mind Victor, are the Thomas’s having another dinner so soon?’ ‘Yes,’ May affirmed, but the look on Ruby’s face told May that she didn’t buy it, ‘well no, not the Thomas’s but a business acquaintance of theirs is, and I am invited.’ ‘May Moss, just what are you up to?’ ‘I am not up anything, now will you mind Victor or do I have to take him around to Clarice?’ The thought of Victor being minded by anyone but her, let alone Clarice the very person that had treated her with such dismissal at the post office, costing her a job and then leaving her in the lurch over the infamous made to order red corset that led to May performing at a smoker’s night with all its consequences, that did the trick and Ruby quickly changed her mind. ‘All right, but just don’t get up to your old tricks.’ 

May was mortified by this comment. For so long she had been the pillar of virtue, everything in her whole world had been devoted to looking after Victor, providing for him, having no personal life of her own, sacrificing everything for his welfare, and to think that her own sister would make a comment like that to her face was just too much for her and she had burst into tears. Ruby felt the pain that she her suspicious mind had caused deeply and rushed to May’s side and held her in her arms. 

‘I am sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t have said that, it’s just that I … well, with what happened I don’t want you getting hurt again.’ ‘It’s just dinner Ruby, nothing more, I swear,’ May insisted, truly believing that it really was just that. ‘All right May, you know I love Victor and he’s no bother to care for. He’s our little lad and an angel.’ ‘Thanks Ruby, I mean it.’ ‘You are welcome,’ she smiled then added innocently, ‘does Frank know?’ May gave her a whithering look. ‘No and he’s not going to find out is he?’ ‘Well all right but I hope you know what you are doing.’

I hope I know what I am doing too she thought to herself but didn’t voice her feelings. She wanted to go out and have a good time; she deserved it didn’t she, she told herself, just this once before… before she faced her future.

So she shoved any doubts to the back of her head and got on with the rest of her week.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘Hello, my name is Stephen. I am here to see May,’ he flashed a charming smile at Ruby as she stood there holding the door. ‘I’ll be right down,’ May yelled as she leant her head over the bannister and smiled, ‘won’t be a moment.’ She rushed back to her bedroom and picked up a wrap that Margo insisted she take to match yet another gown she had given her.

The day after the dinner party, when putting away her dress Margo had suddenly turned to May and mentioned that they still hadn’t gone through her wardrobe in the second guest bedroom, the room kept aside for guests housing an enormous wardrobe sitting neglected in the corner of the room. When they had gone in to explore what exactly it held they found yet another treasure trove of unworn gowns, each one even more delicious than the other. 

‘Oh my, I had completely forgotten about these,’ Margo was shaking her head as one by one she lifted the carefully hung clothes and inspected each delight. ‘What ever can I have been thinking of to have ordered all of these? You know they do say that an expecting lady does tend to lose her mind a little,’ she laughed. She shook her head as she looked at the most divine midnight blue concoction she was holding in her hands. 

It was almost of an ancient Grecian design, one side of the bodice had a finely pleated wide strap that cascaded over the left shoulder while the other had a band of silver beading criss crossing the entire bodice before continuing up over the right hand shoulder. The skirt of the dress fell softly from the bodice down to the knees in two draped tiers that curved upwards in a sweeping motion, meeting in the centre to reveal an underlay of softly flowing fabric. It was cunningly designed and a delight to behold. 

‘May you must wear this when you dine with Stephen. I insist and of course you must take the matching wrap. And don’t forget to do your hair the same way as the night of the dinner. You will look positively beautiful,’ she had enthused. May had almost not mentioned her dinner date to Margo, wanting to keep it as low key as possible but her friendship made it nearly impossible to keep anything from her so she had told her and hoped that she would approve. Margo had been thrilled for her. 

‘It will do you the world of good my dear. You deserve to have some time for yourself and to get out and live a little.’ She didn’t say it to May but she was over the moon at the prospects of her companion being introduced to a very different kind of society to that which she had been accustomed. She hoped that it would broaden her prospects and to some extent show her that there was a whole world at her feet if she only believed enough in herself. To hell with Frank, May Moss had potential and Margo was determined that it wouldn’t be wasted on someone as drab as him and the future he was proposing for her. 

As she stood in front of the mirror dabbing the perfume Margo had given her onto her wrists and behind her ears, she failed to see Victor patter past her doorway and make his way to the stairs. She had tucked him up in bed after reading a story to him but the knock on the door and sound of voices had awoken him and with his beloved toy plane in his arms he had gone to investigate who Aunty Ruby was talking to.

Peeping around the bannister at the top of the stairs he saw a nicely dressed man in a black suit and fancy bow tie. Victor had never seen anyone in real life looking so fancy. He looked just like the man in the pictures that Mummy had taken him to see at the cinema and he promptly made his way down the stairs, taking care like he had always been told to and not running. ‘Hello, my name is Victor. Are you in the movies Sir?’ he asked holding out his hand politely. 

Stephen glanced at Ruby then down at Victor. ‘Hello Victor, I am pleased to meet you,’ kneeling down to his level and shaking his hand, ‘my name is Stephen and no, I am sorry but I am not in the movies. Do you like going to the cinema?’ ‘Yes Sir, I wuv the pictures, I wuv pictures wiv planes in them. My Daddy flew in a plane to work. My Daddy…’ ‘Victor!’ May’s voice from the top of the stairs was horrified when she saw him standing there. ‘Mummy,’ he turned, his face alarmed at the tone of her voice, ‘I am sorry Mummy I heard voices and saw the nice man. I didn’t mean to wurry you.’

May’s eyes swept up from Victor’s face to Stephen’s, dreading what he must be thinking. ‘That’s quite understandable old chap,’ he smiled, intervening in the most casual of manner in an attempt to put her and the child at ease, ‘as the man of the house of course you would be interested in seeing who was at the door. Now how about you say goodnight and pop on back to bed then perhaps one day I could call around and we could go to the pictures together and watch a film about planes, if Mummy says that’s allowed. Would you like that?’ He looked at May and smiled his understanding. Relief oozed out of her. 

‘Come on angel, time to say good night, how about I read you another bed time story and then its time you got some sleep,’ Ruby told him as she picked him up. ‘That would be nice, I would like that,’ he smiled, ‘shake?’ He held out his hand again and Stephen laughed. ‘Shake, you have a deal. Now off you go and I promise I will see you soon.’ Ruby hefted him onto her hip. ‘Now kiss Mummy goodnight,’ she prompted as May reached her side. ‘Good night Mummy. You look wuvly and smell good too,’ he added after she kissed him and patted his cheek. ‘Have a good time,’ he added over Ruby’s shoulder as she carried him up the stairs, ‘and don’t wurry Mummy I will be a good boy for Aunty Wuby. Good night,’ he called from the top of the stairs as Ruby looked back to see Stephen’s admiring glance, then they were gone. 

Stephen helped May into their waiting taxi and as they drove to the restaurant she was silent. She didn’t know what to say. The fact the he hadn’t fled at the realisation of her position was astounding to her. Any other man would surely have taken in her circumstances and turned on his heel and escaped, thanking his lucky stars at a close call, but he hadn’t. If anything he had been kindness personified and she was amazed. 

‘It’s alright May.’ His voice broke the silence. ‘We all make mistakes. God knows I have made enough of them. Who am I to judge?’ She looked at him as she was about to speak when he interrupted. ‘We can talk about it over dinner or not talk about it at all if you prefer. I don’t mind, really I don’t.’ He took her hand and squeezed it as a way of reassurance. She looked at him and smiled a little. ‘Thank you. You are so … kind, I don’t mind talking, I don’t mind talking to you.’ She squeezed his hand gently, ‘you’ve been hurt too haven’t you?’ ‘Yes, yes I have so I guess we both know what it feels like don’t we?’ She nodded and smiled a genuine smile of understanding. ‘I guess we do.’

Over dinner and in between courses the two of them shared their experiences. Neither one of them named their lost loves, they didn’t need to nor was it important, what was important was the bond they formed in their loss, Stephen holding back nothing of the pain that he went through upon realisation that his love took money for sex, used to him to have fun with and left him bereft, and then there was the little fact that he had stolen from the family business to buy her a good time. 

He had been fair in his description of her remorse but it didn’t make up for the fact that he had been duped into the relationship at the very start and had then lost his head and his heart. And now here he was trying valiantly to get on with his life, a little less trusting, a little more cynical, and searching for a truth to the world that he found to be hard on soft hearts that are broken so easily. 

Just as May empathised with his experience, so too did he with hers. ‘Victor is a fine lad if you don’t mind me saying and May, from what I saw you have a good friend in your sister Ruby. Family is important. I am lucky in that respect, I think that to some degree my family finally understands me and what I have been through but I guess time will tell. Now come on, let’s both buck up. How about we go dancing and I will show you the business venture that I have told you about? It’s not far from here and I promise no more talk of the past, the rest of the night we are both going to have some fun for a change. I think that we both need it.’

‘That would be nice,’ she admitted, ‘it’s been a long time since I have had any real fun, well adult fun that is. And thank you for dinner,’ she smiled at the thought of the food. She had never been to a restaurant that had served anything like the choices she had. The menu they had chosen for Margo’s dinner party was one thing but this; this was something so very special, a French chef and all. She would never forget her first taste of lobster or the Crepes Suzette, it was beyond special, it was amazing. Margo was right, it was a whole new world opening up to her and she liked it, she liked it a lot. 

She liked it so much in fact that she never once thought of putting HP sauce on her dinner. She was moving on.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

The taxi stopped at the entrance to a covered lane way. It had been raining on the way to their destination, the street lights casting sparkling reflections in the puddles pooled on the cobblestones to the side of the carriageway making everything appear in sharp jagged contrasting silver shards of light and deepest black shadows. It was a rather dazzling effect to the eyes after the decadent brocades, palms and subdued lighting of the eatery they had just left and it created a surreal feeling of the abstract to the surrounds May found herself in. 

The one glass of champagne she had allowed herself at dinner had gone to her head almost immediately but the cold crisp air of the night hit her, sharpening her senses back in to clarity as Stephen handed her down from the taxi. ‘Where are we? I thought that you said we were going dancing?’ she queried, suddenly a little unsure of herself and of him. She certainly couldn’t see any evidence of anything that remotely resembled a dance hall or venue for such entertainment, let alone a building that would house the kind of business venture she had imagined - something along the lines of a brokerage perhaps or accountancy firm. She really had no idea what to expect accept for a traditional enterprise of the sort that George would be likely to be involved in.

Margo had told her that even though George took his businesses seriously, he was looking to diversify and add to his portfolio so when an acquaintance had mentioned he was looking to sell out of one of his many enterprises and that he had recently restructured the venture, adding his nephew whom George was acquainted with, well then naturally it seemed like an opportunity not to be passed up on, or at least investigated further. She had not given details of the venture but had said that there was to be another partner involved and that it all looked rather promising. 

He chuckled as he paid off the taxi and took her arm. ‘Patience all will be revealed,’ he reassured her, veering her through an archway to the left and down a wide cobbled and covered alleyway affording them protection out of the rain that had started to pour down again. There was not a sound to be heard bar the gushing of the rain echoing down the tunnel like structure. She couldn’t hear one single peep of music or general merry making that normally would be associated with anything like a dance so she was totally mystified as to where on earth she was going. She supposed she just had to give herself over to him and trust him. 

‘Here we are,’ he declared, stopping at a darkened doorway set back into the wall of the building that was invisible from the street entrance to the walkway. The door itself was thick, made out of heavy oak and it looked like it was built to last back in the day when the old building that housed it was established for the cotton trade, the area being part of the era when king cotton ruled the city and the whole place was full of warehouses storing the precious commodity. 

The only concession to modernity she noticed as she stood there looking around being a small panel that upon him knocking loudly on the door, slid silently back to reveal a shaft of soft yellow light designed to illuminate the guests face, scrutiny of its potential patrons seemingly of importance to its proprietors. 

The door quickly opened and a large muscular man hurriedly bid them welcome, ushering them in with great aplomb and a small bow. ‘Good to see you Mr Bannerman, Miss,’ he nodded acknowledgement of May’s presence. ‘Good evening Manfred, this is Miss May Moss, she is a good friend of George Thomas and she is my guest tonight. Is my usual table free?’ Stephen asked. ‘Certainly Sir, Miss, everything is ready for you Sir. Enjoy your evening.’ ‘Thank you Manfred we certainly intend to.’ 

With that he took May’s hand and led her down a short corridor decorated in the newly modern craze that was beginning to sweep the world with an Avant guard Art Deco theme. It was stunningly well done and to May’s eyes it was tres chic, sweeping the visitor towards the heart of the establishment along with its jaunty decoration until seemingly with a flourish, it led to yet another doorway opening onto a set of rather grand stairs that curved around in a spiral where upon reaching the bottom you would find yourself greeted by the maître d'.

You would then be led through the midst of a hive beautiful people enjoying the ambience of the place, sitting talking, drinking and laughing, gossiping or speculating, or watching the swaying bodies on the dance floor moving to the rhythm of the hottest music you could hear in the city. Regardless of the purpose for being there, they all had one thing in common, they were all enjoying themselves enormously and it showed May couldn’t help but notice as she drank in the sights and sounds of the room as she passed through it.

Interspersed amongst all of these festivities were small tables encumbered with red shaded lamps, comfortable chairs and an abundance of waiters on hand to see to your every wish. Banquets were fitted around the periphery of the room allowing groups of patrons to sit and discreetly observe the general throng, out of the way of the rowdier patrons and of those taking advantage of the small adequate dance floor but close enough to not to miss the view. 

On the left hand side of the room a neon lit bar staffed with a multitude of experienced bar tenders plying their trade jutted out in a horse shoe shape almost like the prow of a ship. Lined with bar stools for those that preferred to sit and watch the goings on from a different perspective, and mostly catering for those bachelors out on the town perusing the crowd for any likely candidates of either sex depending on their mood or preference, other than the band and dance floor, it was a focal point in the club. All in all, the entire place was stylish, fashionable, modish and unbelievably swanky. May loved it.

‘What would you like to drink May?’ Stephen asked her once seated and with the waiter in attendance, ‘how about a screwdriver?’ ‘No,’ she shuddered, her thoughts flying back to Claude and the day he plied her with the drink, ‘anything but that.’ ‘All right then how about a daiquiri,’ she relaxed a little and nodded, ‘two daiquiris Robert if you please,’ he smiled back at May and the moment passed. He had the knack of making her feel comfortable and she liked that. 

‘So this is your new business venture,’ she queried, looking around the crowded room with admiration, ‘and George is to be involved?’ ‘Yes, it’s rather a life saver really. My Uncle arranged for me to become part of it after…’ he hesitated embarrassed and not wanting to allude in detail to his indiscretion with the family business again, ‘after what happened. He recognised that it was time I moved onto something new, something that would get me out of the rut I had been in so here I am, managing the club for him. George, along with another chum, is to be a silent partner.’

‘It’s odd you know that my Uncle Marcus would even consider selling out let alone putting me up for this. He can be a pretty callous person at times, inconsiderate and in general a bit of a tosser but he’s been very good to me since, well since my episode. Others might not think it but underneath it all he really is a decent chap coming up with this idea and willing to sell the place just to give me a chance.’

He sipped on his drink then went on. ‘ Marcus thinks that I am good with people, that I put them at their ease and what knot, so I will handle that side of things while a young chap that is already working here and doing a tremendous job of it I might add, he will handle the back room stuff. It’s a great opportunity for me May and I am extremely grateful for the chance to change things. I don’t think that I could have gone on the way I was going.’

She reached across the table and patted his hand. ‘I understand, that is how I feel about the faith that Margo in particular, has shown in me. She has saved me from myself.’ He nodded. ‘Yes, that’s exactly how I feel too,’ he laughed, ‘we really are our own worst enemies aren’t we? I was saying that only the other day to my mate. He’s been through a terrible time of it lately too and is looking forward to throwing himself into something new and different even though he will only be a silent partner, putting up his share of the backing money with George and all. So you see May, we aren’t the only ones that have been through the wringer, his situation has been intolerable for many years it seems poor chap and he is just as enthusiastic as I am. I was actually hoping that he would be here tonight and you could meet him but it looks like he’s been detained. Perhaps some other time if you are up for it, I think you would like him.’ 

The drinks arrived and they continued to sit and chat, Stephen asking her with considerable interest all about her family and in particular about Ruby, where she worked, what she liked and if she was walking out with anyone especially. 

May was completely honest with him and told him of Ruby’s brush with the law. She felt rather compelled to be totally truthful after all, he had laid bare his soul to her and admitted to taking money from his parent’s safe in order to impress his girl and show her a good time. She felt he understood how passion, whether it is to do with the heart or with so called worthy causes, passion is a dangerous and troublesome thing. She went on to tell him of Ruby’s struggle to overcome her circumstances and better herself and explained that she now seemed settled and happy enough with her position at Madame’s even though May did worry that she didn’t seem to have much of a social life and was working far too hard. She had come a long way since she was a post woman during the war and her tenuous beginnings in corsetry, who knew that it would lead to high fashion she mused to him. Life was certainly random they both agreed. 

The mention of the war bought about a discussion of his experience in France. He admitted that he had been badly effected and to the struggle that he had been through since returning home. May divulged her brother’s struggles too and how hard it had been to overcome them, describing the fear and panic attacks that had almost led to his demise.  


He was sympathetic and listened attentively, adding bits and pieces of his own reminiscences, confessing that it was the first time he had really felt relaxed enough with anyone to lay his heart bare. He could relate to what May was telling him in a way that only someone who had suffered from post-traumatic stress could. It was something that few who had not experienced it would ever be able to truly understand and yet here was May empathising with him. He recognised they were kindred spirits of a sort and was grateful for it.

The conversation ebbed and flowed between the two of them, randomly interspersed with moments of comfortable silence. Without saying it they both felt they had become the firmest of friends, conspirators against the world, commonality being their experiences of the heart and hurt thereof. They had both made mistakes and found it a relief to unburden their souls without fear of judgement or reprisal, a welcome respite from the circumstances they had found themselves in. They were attracted to each other but the sexual desirability that at times could be a barrier to a friendship seemed to play second fiddle to a greater need in both of them, companionship winning out.

When May excused herself and went to powder her nose he ordered more drinks and sat reflecting upon how very relaxed he felt for the first time in a very long time. Upon consideration life was looking up for him and he hoped that it would for May too. She deserved it after what she had been through. 

As May left the Ladies room and made her way back to the table she rounded the corner of the small passageway that led to the facilities and bumped into a gentleman coming out of what she assumed was the back room office as the door was clearly marked no admittance. ‘Sorry,’ she apologised then looked up at his face.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she exclaimed. ‘May? I could say the same thing to you. What are you doing here?’


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she exclaimed. ‘May? I could say the same thing to you. What are you doing here?’ He gave her a long hard look then continued on, ‘I work here May, don’t you know?’ ‘Billy, you work here? You work with Stephen Bannerman?’ she gasped at the sight of her brother standing there looking very efficient in not just his dress but in his demeanour too. ‘That’s right, and how do you know Stephen Bannerman?’ ‘I am here with him but wait, he told me that he worked with someone that sounded very much like you, if you work for him why didn’t he know that you are my brother?’ she questioned suspiciously. 

Billy looked slightly embarrassed. ‘Alright May, keep your shirt on. It’s like this, when I left the liners and applied for the position here I didn’t want to use my own name. It’s not that I am ashamed of my name if you get me but well, I wasn’t sure how respectable this place was and I wanted to see if I liked it here, doing what I do. Now what with Stephen’s Uncle selling his share out to these new partners and all and working with him, well I was going to tell them but I just didn’t think the timing was right. I have only been waiting for the deal to be signed and then I was going to explain things to him. He seems quite reasonable and I think he will understand. He’s educated and a man of the world and besides,’ he dropped his voice, ‘I wanted to leave my past behind, a fresh start and all that. You can understand that can’t you?’

May thought about what he had said and in her own way was she was rather proud of the fact that he hadn’t wanted to be associated with anything that seemed seedy or sordid and lord knows some of the clubs that had sprung up after the war were no better than they should be but this place was different. It was smart and sophisticated and drew a better class of crowd in. Even she could see the potential of the place. She could also see why he might have wanted a new start too, life hadn’t been all that rosy for him either had it. He had been hurt too and was trying to get on with his life as best he could. 

‘All right Billy, I can see why you did it,’ she smiled admiring his logic, ‘it’s just that it came as a bit of shock but don’t worry I won’t say anything.’ ‘Not half the shock I got seeing you here,’ he laughed, ‘and thanks, I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything right now, not yet anyway, not until I check out the other new partner and see how things go but so far so good. I met George but I didn’t realise he was your Mr Thomas, Marcus Bannerman didn’t tell me his last name so I had no idea. Anyway, how do you know Stephen Bannerman? You still haven’t told me.’ 

May explained about meeting him at Margo’s dinner and his invitation to dinner and Billy nodded. He wasn’t going to judge her going out even though he suspected that her relationship with Frank was a bit more serious than she let on, on Frank’s part it seemed that way to him.

‘He’s a nice enough bloke May and he’s turning out to be a great boss to work for. I didn’t realise that George was married to Margo, didn’t put two and two together but that makes sense. I think that they will really make a go of the place, Stephen and George, or I am hoping so. Stephen’s Uncle has been a bit of thorn in my side lately coming in at all hours and staying till late with his mates. Remember I told you about him?’ 

‘Oh so that’s who you meant?’ ‘Yes, but he won’t be around for much longer and it will be just Stephen and I running the place, George is to be a silent partner and there is a friend of Stephen’s that will also be a partner but I haven’t met him yet so I don’t know what he is going to be like but from what I have heard he has a sound head for business and won’t interfere too much, or at least I hope that he won’t. I actually thought he was supposed to be here tonight but it looks like he hasn’t shown up,’ Billy said as he scanned the crowded room. ‘Anyway I shouldn’t keep you, Stephen will be waiting for you and wondering what has become of you and May,’ he looked down at her and gave her a small smile, ‘you look wonderful even if I do say so myself.’

‘Dance?’ Stephen asked rising to his feet and taking her hand with a small bow when she returned to the table before she had the chance to sit down. ‘Why thank you, don’t mind if I do,’ she laughed and followed him on to the small parquetry area that was already crowded with other couples fox trotting and black bottoming away to their hearts content. 

He was a graceful dancer and had her in his arms, relaxed and confident in a matter of moments. She thanked God that Margo had taken the time to give her some dance pointers, it had been such a long time since she had danced and she wasn’t up to date with all the latest crazes but even so that would not have been a problem, in Stephen’s arms even the most inept clumsy partner lucky enough to be whisked around the dance floor would have been tripping the light fantastic in no time. He was brilliant, with impeccable timing and graceful moves to the slower tunes and absolutely crazy fun to the up tempo tunes beating out a raucous syncopated jazz rhythm.

She was breathless and laughing like a school girl giddy on her first date by the time that they finally dragged themselves off the dance floor and sat down to get their breath. ‘You dance divinely,’ she blurted out taking a large sip of her drink and laughing. ‘Well May you are no slouch either you know,’ he laughed. ‘You know I can’t remember the last time I danced. It must have been not all that long after the war, we had a street party to welcome home the boys and,’ she rolled her eyes at the thought of it, ‘we had to get the pianola out of hock because Father Malia had asked particularly for it to be used. I can laugh now but it was no laughing matter at the time,’ she sipped her drink again and chuckled. 

‘Was it as bad as all that for you May and for your family?’ She nodded. ‘Yes, it was but we had a roof over our heads, food on the table and we had each other and that’s something. There are those that didn’t, that went without, those who lived in a two up two down with four or even five other families. For some a privy out the back, if they were lucky, was best they could hope for and some of them didn’t even have that so I am not complaining. We never went without and we always seemed to find the money for things somehow. Of course it didn’t mean that I liked it. I didn’t, I always wanted more out of life but I have come to realise that when push comes to shove as long as I can provide Victor with everything that he needs, give him a good education and he is happy then that is all that I want.’

‘From the moment that I realised that my family was there for me and for him too, that is all that has been important to me. Victor is loved and he knows it. I have a job and have a friendship that I never thought I would ever have. Really what more could I ask for except,’ she hesitated, ‘except social acceptability but,’ she shrugged, ‘I hope one day that will happen for Victor.’

‘What about love May, don’t you want to fall in love again?’ he asked. ‘I don’t know. I am not sure that I can anymore. Do you, do you want to fall in love again?’ He was silent for a few moments before replying. ‘I don’t know if I can any more either but I do know one thing,’ he looked away with a faraway look in his eyes, ‘I am not closing my heart off to the possibility. It would be a very dull world if there was no love in it, wouldn’t it? May,’ he leant forward and took her hand, ‘you told me about Frank earlier and your reasons for contemplating what you are about to do but do you love him? Do you really think that you could be happy without real love, settling for second best?’

May sighed. ‘Don’t you think I have asked myself that over and over again?’ she asked him, her voice soft and reflective. ‘And what was the answer May?’ She shook her head. ‘It’s the same every time, I just don’t know. I am not even sure that I deserve to be happy. Victor makes me happy,’ she continued on, ‘he is the one rock solid constant in my life over the past few years. I look at his face and I just see love in it, unconditional love. He is part of me and perhaps,’ she mused, ‘perhaps that is enough.’

‘I don’t even know why I am telling you this. I just don’t know anymore. I know that I should be grateful to Frank under the circumstances offering to take me and Victor but…’ ‘But deep down you know it’s not really what you want?’ he said more of a statement than a question. She nodded. ‘Yes, I know it’s not what I want but it is what Victor needs.’ ‘Do you think that Victor will be happy if you are not? Have you ever considered that May?’ ‘You are not telling me anything that I don’t already know or haven’t considered but for his sake I am willing to…’ ‘Stephen, there you are old sport I was hoping to catch up with you,’ a voice interrupted May mid-sentence.

They had been so deep in conversation neither of them had noticed a rather dapper looking man in a dinner suit was standing beside the table beaming down at them. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your charming companion? Really nephew, where are your manners? Hello my dear, my name is Marcus, Marcus Bannerman and I am very pleased to meet you. You must tell me all about yourself but not yet,’ the rather dapper Uncle charmingly informed her, ‘just hold on for a minute, there is someone else with me who I am sure will be enthralled to meet a friend of Stephen’s too. Excuse me for one moment and I will just go and fetch him then we can make a party of it.’ 

‘I am sorry May but do you see what I mean, Marcus can be rather pushy,’ Stephen observed as the two of them followed the other’s progress on his way towards the bar where, throwing his arm around his companion, they observed a conversation ensue. From the position she was sitting in May could only view Marcus’s friend from the rear view and it was not until he nodded in agreement, got up and turned around did she see his face. 

‘May are you all right?’ Stephen asked as he noticed the look on her face and her pallor turn a chalky white hue. She was trembling too and looked quite unwell. ‘May what is it? You look like you have seen a ghost,’ he asked urgently. ‘Get me home. I need to go home right now. Please just take me home.’

Stephen didn’t stop to ask any questions but simply got up and escorted her out of the room as quickly as he could. Once outside May stood gripping the wall and was promptly sick. He stood supporting her until her nausea had abated then gently helped her as they walked to the street and hailed a passing taxi. 

‘Feeling better?’ he asked her once they were in the taxi and on their way home, ‘can you talk yet?’ She nodded a little, went to speak but couldn’t find the words to say what she was feeling. 

She had never been so shocked in her whole life for standing there right next to Marcus Bannerman was the last person in the whole world that she ever expected to see and she was utterly stunned.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

It was Richard, her Mr Brazendale that had been at the bar.

After a night of very little sleep May awoke the next morning feeling like she had been put through the wringer. She had finally fallen into a dark sleep near dawn only to walk in the murky shadows of disturbing dreams she didn’t want to recall, all of them involving Richard with Madelaine tearing Victor from her arms and disappearing into the darkness with him, never to be seen again. She knew that she had been crying, the evidence plainly evident with a glance in the mirror as she sat trying to brush out her hairstyle from the night before. Any semblance to the polished, well gowned and coiffured woman she had been when she had left for her evening out had now vanished and was a mere shadow in her memory. 

When she finally pulled herself out of the black pit she was in long enough to go downstairs to cook breakfast, stirring the pot of dispirited looking porridge that was to be Victor’s breakfast, she stood thanking her lucky stars that she had the day off and would not have to face anyone. As soon as Victor finished eating she planned to take him out, anything to avoid talking. She needed to get away and to think, she needed open air and space and solitude. Time to reflect, to think, to recover from the shock she endured at the sight of Richard. 

Stephen had been amazingly kind to her and she realised that he was probably the only other person on earth who would have totally understood what she was feeling. He hadn’t pressed her with copious amounts of questions but instead had held her hand consoling her when she had finally managed to blurt out the reason for her behaviour, even being apologetic for being the cause of her pain, taking her there in the first place. 

‘It’s not your fault,’ she had insisted, ‘how could you know? I never once said who Victor’s father is so you can’t blame yourself. It’s just an amazing coincidence that you know Richard and you not your fault,’ she maintained, ‘I don’t want you feeling bad about it. I want us to be friends; I don’t want anything to come between us. Will you promise me that it won’t?’ They had parted with his promise that they were firm friends and that if there was anything, any way at all that he could help her then she was to let him know. 

She had to get out of the house, she just had to. She had a splitting headache and her eyes were puffy, not just from lack of sleep but from crying too. She didn’t want anyone to see her in the state that she must look. She couldn’t face the questions that she knew would be asked by either Ruby or Billy or both of them and no more than the likely suspicions that her appearance would arouse and the idea that it would have something to do with her night out with Stephen, which wasn’t the case. The thought of having to explain the reasons made her feel sick all over again. No, she had to be gone before either of them came down and started to interrogate her, it would be more than she could cope with. 

She had Victor dressed and fed in record speed and was out of the door well before Ruby and Billy had stirred. Thankful that the day was bright and sunny, even though there was a chill breeze blowing, the rain from the previous night was gone and they had their coats on in case the weather changed. She was taking no chances; she intended to be out for the day, she needed seclusion away from prying eyes and well-meaning family so she headed to a favourite haunt of hers and Victors, the local park that joined onto the common and went for miles out in to the surrounding fields at the back of the housing estate. It was almost but not quite like being in the country she kidded herself but at least it afforded some privacy if only she wasn’t discovered by anyone.

Victor was thrilled to be out with Mummy, going to the park and getting to play in the playground particularly the swings. ‘Higher Mummy push me higher. Look Mummy I am flying,’ he shouted with glee until after half an hour May’s arms felt like they would drop off. ‘Can I go and look for butterflies over by the flowers Mummy and play wiv my plane too?’ he asked. Patting him on the head she made him promise to stay within sight then sat down on a small bench for half an hour to watch him play and to simply think. 

‘You have done an amazing job with him May, you should be proud of him, he is beautiful.’ May jumped, the voice so close to ear had startled her. It wasn’t so much that it was close to her as such, it was the recognition. The soft musical polish to it was enough to send her skin tingling, it was like drops of silver velvet trickling through her veins. She looked up sharply, the surprise on her face was emphasised by her complexion as her face drained and she went pale. 

‘Richard! What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?’ she almost shouted. Victor, playing nearby, looked up suddenly at the sound of her startled voice, his small eyes widening at the sight of the man in the beautiful suit and hat and carrying an over coat over his arm. His small eyes stared at the new comer as he took in every detail of the man that stood there staring at his Mummy.

‘Hello May, can I join you?’ He stood looking down at her, his vivid blue eyes searching her face, drinking in every pore of it like a lost soul in a desert would savour a sip of water. It had been so long since he had seen her so closely and the very sight of her was taking an emotional toll on him. His legs felt like jelly and he almost buried his hands in his pockets in tight balls to hide them they were trembling so much.

Getting over her first shock of seeing him so unexpectedly she swallowed, quickly looking him up and down, taking in the immaculate tailoring of his suit in the latest style, his well barbered hair, cashmere over coat slung over his arm, the shine of his handmade leather shoes and his beautifully manicured hands. She took all of this in at a glance before tartly saying, ‘It’s a free world, you can sit where you like,’ her temper getting the better of her, she inexplicably reverted back to her old form. She suddenly had a flash of feeling used like a second class nothing, no more self-worth than she had when she was merely a maid in the Brazendale house hold.

May turned her face away, she couldn’t look at him. Her heart was racing as he moved her handbag a little to allow enough room for him to sit uncomfortably close to her, so close in fact that she could smell him. He had the same scent to him that he had always had, it was an aroma that she would recognise anywhere, it was his signature and it almost sent her reeling to be experiencing it again. It bought back memories of being engulfed in him, covered in his soft warm skin, reeking of his sex after they had made love. It was stirring feelings that she didn’t want to feel but secretly gloried in reliving as painful as they were. She gritted her teeth as her world spun around her. 

‘Billy told me you might be here when I called at the house. May, can we talk?’ he was asking her in his soft polished voice, ‘I promise I don’t mean to cause you any more pain than I already have but I, …. I just want to talk,’ he hesitated. ‘Richard’ she interrupted, ‘what are you doing here, what do you want?’ ‘What do I want? Don’t you know by now what I want? Didn’t every single one of my letters tell you what I wanted?’ He looked at her totally at a loss really at her question. How could she not know what he wanted, what he had poured out his heart about in every single page of letter after letter, could she not ever forgive him and recognise that he had not had a choice? Was she so cruel?

‘When I saw you last night I just, well I …’ he was stumbling for the right words and making a mess of it. ‘You saw me?’ She had thought that she had managed to escape without him having a clue that she was there but obviously she was mistaken, ‘and what do you mean. Letters! Your letters,’ she exclaimed, ‘don’t you know that I could never bear to read one single one of them? After what you did, you….you, you…’ she spluttered, ‘and you have the nerve to come here, to…’ 

She was crying now, she couldn’t hold back after all the years of pent up emotions, the recrimination, the feeling of abject rejection, the tears rolling down her face matching the tears in his eyes. He slipped his warm hand over hers and drew it to his lips reminiscent of another time where he had done the same for a semi unconscious May after her rescue. She had been unaware of his actions at the time but she was more than fully aware of his actions now. There were a million words of unspoken regret in his actions, of the longing for her and the undying love that he still felt but there was also the compassion for her circumstances too that simply wanted to comfort her in her moment of distress. 

She could have pulled away from him, she should have pulled away from him but, she didn’t, and that spoke multitudes to Richard. 

At the sound of her raised voice Victor had stopped playing and began listening, then when he saw his Mummy so upset, he got to his feet and bolted towards her. ‘Mummy, Mummy what’s the matter. Are you alwight Mummy? Are you hurted?’ His small face was full of fear and angst seeing her so upset. Running up to her he flung himself on her. ‘Mummy what is wrong?’ She hurriedly composed herself and swung the child up into her lap, cradling him to her in her arms. ‘Victor it is alright. I am alright,’ she reassured the child as he sat hiccuping with fright, looking silently at the man that smelt so nice in the fancy clothes sitting close to her. 

‘You smell nice,’ he said to Richard as he looked at him closely. ‘I am sorry sir but I don’t know your name. I am Victor,’ he said rather solemnly and held out his small hand.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

Richard felt such a tugging at his heart strings that he thought it would break. He gave chuckle at the formalities of his introduction and biting back a laugh, he took the child’s hand. ‘How do you do Victor, my name is Richard and I am very pleased to meet you.’ The child’s eyes widened then, looking more closely at Richard he said rather excitedly ‘Wichard, my Daddy’s name is Wichard. Are you my Daddy sir?’ 

May’s mouth dropped open. She had never told him specifics about Richard, she had always felt that he was too young and there was no point in it so she was totally at a loss to know where and from whom he had got that information. She had always stuck to her story of his Daddy being away in another country for his work, more to give the child some kind of respectability when he was talking to play mates than for any other reason. ‘Who told you that Victor?’ she asked him trying to keep her voice steady. 

‘No one Mummy I am sowwy if I did anything wrong. I found letters tied in a pwetty wibbon that I thought were from Daddy cause they were next to a specially fancy handkerchief that I thought was Daddy’s cause it is all soft and weally posh,’ words gushing out of him before he swallowed hard fearing that he had done something wrong as he looked at May with his big blue eyes, the mirror image of his Father’s, ‘and so I teached myself to wead the name on the outside.’

Richard’s eyes met May’s. ‘Well, it seems that our son took more of an interest in my letters than you did May,’ the irony was not lost on either of them but May felt the need to explain, just not in front of the child. Victor held out his arms towards Richard. ‘You are, you are my Daddy aren’t you?’ he exclaimed, tears of joy sparkling in his blue eyes. Richard’s face softened, it lit with joy at the child’s voice calling him Daddy and again his eyes met May’s. She nodded as her heart softened. In reality she had hoped and prayed for a day when Victor could meet Richard and they could embrace but she never dared to let herself dream that it would happen. 

Leaning forward, he reached across and drew Victor into his strong arms and hugged him tightly, the child wrapping himself around him and clinging to him as though he could never get enough of him and he would never let go. ‘I knew that you would come. I knew it. Did you come in a plane Sir, I mean… Daddy.’ Richard’s heart melted as he held his son, his son… that had such a wonderful sound to it in his mind, his and May’s son. How long he had waited for this day to happen. 

He held the child’s head to his face and gently kissed his hair as he cradled his small face in his hand. ‘I love you Victor. There has not been one single day of your whole life that I have not loved you and missed you.’ Victor wriggled in delight at his words as he clung even tighter to him. ‘I love you too Daddy and I have missed you. Are you coming to live liv us now, will you sleep in Mummy’s room. I am big now and I have my own woom?’

Richard blushed a little uncomfortably and noticed how flustered May had become. ‘We need to talk,’ he said, attempting to hide a small smile on his face at the mere reaction she had to the mention of sleeping together. May looked at Victor; his small face was radiant as he gazed from one to the other, his eyes lit with happiness and hope. He was clearly in seventh heaven at the thought of them all being together. 

Richard felt that she was considering the situation, his hopes hanging in the balance and he plunged on. ‘Have dinner with me tonight,’ he said persuasively. ‘Where?’ there was a small quiver in her voice as she spoke. ‘The Grand,’ he replied. ‘The Grand?’ her eyebrows rose at the name, it was the most prestigious hotel in the city and just happened to be owned by the Bannermans. ‘It’s not what you think; it belongs to the family of my old friend Stephen who I served with in France during the war. I am staying there until…’ he hesitated not wanting to say what he really meant… until he found out his future and that would depend on her, ‘I am staying there at the moment. I will send a taxi for you if you are willing?’ 

He noticed the look of surprise and then something else as she suddenly put two and two together as far as his and Stephen’s friendship was concerned. Her mind was in overtime as she realised that the friend that Stephen had spoken of, the gallant officer of their war years whose friendship meant so much to him that he was going into partnership with, that person was Richard. 

She studied his face for a moment before making up her mind and giving him an answer. ‘Just dinner Richard, and just to talk mind you, nothing else is that clear?’ her response firmly setting out boundaries.

He smiled softly at her, ‘Of course, nothing else.’ She couldn’t tell if he was being serious, sarcastic or really meant it from his tone but she didn’t particularly care. Right now all she wanted was to be on her own and get as far away as possible from him so that she could gather her thoughts. She was shaken by his appearance and also by Victor’s reaction. She needed space to breath. It was all too much for her coming on top of the previous night. It seemed like shock after shock and her nerves were frazzled.

‘I’ll see you tonight then,’ she stood and plucked Victor from Richard’s arms. ‘Say goodbye to Rich… to your Father,’ she corrected herself. ‘Can’t Daddy come with us Mummy?’ The child was looking hopefully at the two of them. ‘No,’ she said a little sharply and Victor turned to her. ‘Are you fighting? You sound cwoss. Please don’t be cwoss.’ His eyes began to mist over and because May could never stand to see him cry she composed herself as much as possible. ‘No we are not fighting angel, Daddy has some … some business he has to take care of, you understand don’t you? Now be a good boy and give him a hug before we go.’

Richard looked on admiringly at how cool she was in smoothing the child. He had nothing but admiration for the way she was trying desperately to make an awkward situation as pain less as possible for the child so it was only right that he play along. ‘That’s right son, I have some work to do but I promise that I will come back to visit as soon as I can.’ He then dropped down on his knees and held his arms out while May sat the child down on his feet and he stepped into a farewell hug in his Father’s arms.

‘I will see you tonight then,’ she gave a small nod. ‘Taxi at seven thirty for dinner at eight, just ask for me when you get to the front desk and that will be fine. Can I give you a lift home now May, I have a car.’ She said a hasty no, not wanting the whole street and the family in particular to know anything about her afternoon visit let alone her evening out. ‘Thanks but I can manage.’ Taking Victor’s small hand in hers she said her goodbyes and was off, the child continually turning and waving to Richard until they were out of sight as he stood there watching their retreating figures. 

He then sunk down onto the seat before his legs totally buckled on him and was lost to a brown study of random thoughts about the past and now the future. He felt weak with relief that she had agreed to dine with him tonight but every time he thought of what he had to say his heart raced. He was not in great shape.  
A turmoil of emotions shot through her as she walked home with Victor prattling about him. When was Daddy coming and would he like living with them? Could he show him the hole in the wall where the mouse lived that he had named Wupert? Did Daddy like eating Wabbit pie, he loved eating it for supper. Could they have Wabbit pie for their supper tonight? Why did Daddy smell so nice, Uncle Fwank and Uncle John didn’t smell like Daddy, Uncle Fwank smelt hot when he wode his bicycle. Did Daddy have a bicycle? 

May tried to answer the million and one questions that he had for her but all she really wanted to do was have a long hot bath and think about how she felt. If she was being totally honest with herself she really didn’t know how she felt. She had lived in a state of absolute wretchedness whenever she thought of him for so long that it was hard to divorce herself from it but at the same time, just having him there, near her, seeing his child and basking in his praise for the upbringing she had so far given him, it produced such a euphoric sense of happiness in her that she wasn’t sure she could trust her own mind. 

She felt as though she was being pulled every which way. For so long she believed him gone, out of her life completely in fact. In a strange way she had almost considered herself a widow having lost the love of her life, so special was their coupling in her own mind. She could never imagine having the same kind of intimacy with anyone other than him. It wasn’t a case of just the sex they had together either, she never looked at it as merely sex for that matter, even after the horrifying revelations she had been used as a surrogate mother she still didn’t believe that to be so. In her heart she had always felt that just as he had said, they did love each and made love to each other, otherwise she simply believed she really would not have been able to stand it, to go on as she had done so very bravely. 

At this thought she squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and held her head up high. May Moss, she told herself, you have gotten through worse than this. You can do this after all it is just dinner and a talk and she knew that Richard was right. They really did need to talk. There was just so much to say that she had never said nor given him the opportunity to say. Perhaps he had said it all in his letters but it was too late now to sit down and read them. There would be time enough tonight to hear him out but right now it was time to go home and get herself into some kind of place in her mind to face whatever it was to come. 

‘Will Daddy bwing me a pwesent do you think?’ Victor’s voice broke into her thoughts. ‘What kind of present to you want, maybe I can get it for you?’ she asked curious to find out the child’s wants.

‘Could Daddy bwing me a baby bwother or sister Mummy, that would be the vewwy best pwesent of all and we could all liv together in a big house and Aunty Wuby could mawwy Stephen and Billy could liv with us too.’ May was lost for words, what could she say? 

Holding his little hand in hers a bit tighter they marched on homeward bound.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

May soaked in the bath for as long as she could, the tension she had been under easing with the hot soapy water. She even added some fragrant bath salts that Margo had given her for a birthday present earlier in the year, the steamy water engulfing her with its sweet French vanilla perfume soaking through her, calmed and soothed her jangled nerves.  
Billy was playing with Victor so she had time to luxuriate in her own private thoughts without fear of interruption. She appreciated that he asked no questions of her but merely looked on her with sympathy in her eyes. 

She wasn’t sure whether he knew that Richard had been there last night. She assumed that he did, that he had met him after all that was the supposed purpose of Richard being there in the first place or so Stephen had said; he was there to be formally introduced to the staff. 

Like May herself, she knew that Billy would have been just as shocked by the revelation that Richard was the other partner coming into the business. She wasn’t sure how he would have reacted to this piece of news and right now she didn’t really want to know. It was enough to know that he was silent, unquestioning and supportive of her, so supportive that he had agreed to talk Ruby into minding Victor again this evening assuring her that he would come up with some kind of excuse even if it was a stretch of the truth once she had explained that she needed to sort things out with Richard and would need Victor to be minded for the night.

She hadn’t told him anything of the details of their meeting and he hadn’t asked. It was not for him to judge her god knows, not when he had his own secret demons to battle. He had grown up a lot in the last few years and had watched May grow too, admiring her spirit in the situation that she was in. She was defying conventions by keeping her son, giving him everything that she possibly could and moving on with her life as best as she can. He was not going to chastise her now for past indiscretions nor for the need to settle things with Mr Richard Brazendale, it was her business and he would make dam sure he was there to support her no matter what the outcome was.

If she took a little bit of extra care dressing she was to be forgiven, wanting to give a good impression. She didn’t want him to think that she had been sitting pining away for the love of him. She also wanted to show him that she had, to some extent, moved up a little in the world. She held a position within an established household that was more than a mere servant, she was a trusted companion and friend to his business associate and not a play thing for him to use any longer. 

She decided to wear the bronze, black and purple shantung dress with the matching evening coat. She knew that the colours highlighted the colouring of her hair and set her creamy skin a glow. She also knew that it was beyond stylish and extremely classy and she need to that to give her the confidence she was lacking right at that moment. It was bad enough having to meet him but to be going to The Grand, the most prestigious hotel in the city, well that just added to her over stretched nerves. 

After fixing her hair in the same manner that she had been wearing since the night of Margo’s dinner, she stood back and looked at her reflection. To an outsider, had they been a witness to her standing there in all her finery, it would have been assumed that there goes a well groomed and successful woman, beautiful in her own right and dashingly chic. There was nothing in her deportment to give rise to anything amiss. She looked poised and confident even if she wasn’t feeling it. 

Ruby’s eyes ran over May with an air of appreciation. ‘Don’t you look nice,’ she commented when her sister had appeared in the kitchen after tucking Victor safely into bed and getting him settled. ‘I still don’t see why you have to meet more of George’s business associates but I guess they think that you might have to help out with more entertainments in the future so I suppose I can see the point,’ she observed. ‘Hmm, yes something like that,’ was May’s only remark.

Billy must have done a pretty good job of explaining it before he left for work she thought and really he hadn’t stretched the truth too far, after all Richard was a business associate and well who knows if she would have to have more contact with him because of her position. That was not something she had given any thought to yet, the consequences of her proximity to Richard because of her employers. Oh hell, that was just another bridge she would have to cross. 

A knock on the door announced the arrival of her taxi and before she knew it she was disembarking outside the imposing building that was The Grand. Having never set foot in the place before she was unsure of where to go and Richard had not told her, he had merely said to ask for him upon her arrival. The doorman outside the hotel strode over and assisted her from her taxi then ushered her into the hotel foyer leaving her standing on the top of the marble steps surveying her surroundings. Spotting the hotel reception she was just about to make her way over to it when a small kindly looking man she had noticed watching her waylaid her. 

‘May I help you Miss?’ he questioned, ‘my name is Jacob, I am the hall porter. Can I be of any assistance to you?’ ‘Yes thank you Jacob. I have a dinner engagement with a hotel guest but I can’t see him anywhere,’ she chose her words with care in an attempt to give the impression that visiting a place like this was a normal day to day event for her and nothing special. ‘What name would that be Miss, I can have a page sent for your friend?’ ‘Brazendale, Mr Richard Brazendale,’ she replied hoping that the tremor in her voice wasn’t as noticeable and she thought it sounded to her ears. ‘One moment Miss and I will check for you, if you would just follow me.’ 

Jacob glided effortlessly across the lobby to the desk and checked the hotel register then made a quick phone call, the hotel having installed telephones in all the guest’s rooms. ‘Mr Brazendale, it’s Jacob here at reception Sir, I have a Miss…’ he turned to May in query of her name which she gave him, ‘Miss Moss. I see, thank you Sir I will.’ Putting the phone back on the receiver he turned and smiled. ‘If you would follow me Miss I will take you to Mr Brazendale’s suite.’ 

May hesitated, she had not been prepared for this, she had assumed when he asked her to dinner and to talk that they would be eating in a restaurant or at least somewhere in public and not in his bedroom. 

Jacob noticed her hesitation and being the worldly man that he was he guessed her reluctance to enter a man’s bedroom for proprietaries sake. ‘Miss if you don’t mind me saying, Mr Brazendale has a suite here and it is now quite acceptable and the done thing to have dinner or a supper bought up to the rooms so please rest assured you won’t be seen to compromise yourself in society’s eyes. Things have changed a lot in the last few years since the war, some for the better and some not but, and please pardon me for saying, I had a daughter such as yourself and knowing what a fine man Mr Brazendale is, well I wouldn’t have any qualms about your safety.’

‘Thank you Jacob,’ she gave a small smile, ‘that is very kind of you to say and you have reassured me that my morals will be in no way compromised.’ How could they be she thought to herself, it was all a bit too late in the day for that. Still she did appreciate his kindness to her and his foresight. She must remember to mention it to Stephen if she ever got to see him again.

Ascending to the second floor in the beautiful gilded cage lift with its ornately scrolled brass doors and immaculately uniformed lift attendant, she was ushered down a corridor until reaching a door numbered 489. She had to laugh to herself, 489 were her lucky numbers and she wondered if they would be lucky for her tonight. Jacob knocked softly on the door then stood aside. ‘I will leave you now Miss, if there is anything that I can do for you please just have me paged,’ he bowed a little and smiled. ‘Thank you Jacob, you have been very kind,’ she smiled and reached into her purse but he stopped her. ‘Miss it was my pleasure,’ he assured her and then was gone. 

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there for waiting for Richard to open the door but it felt like a life time. Despite the impression she was apparently giving of being cool, calm and collected, she was most definitely not. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her legs felt wobbly. A sudden panic assaulted her. What was she doing there? Did she really want to meet with him? Why on earth had she come?

It had taken her years to kid herself into thinking that she had gotten him out of her head, that she could actually walk this earth without him and yet here she was after just a few minutes of seeing him again and she was under his spell again and at his beck at call. What a fool she was to not resist the temptation. How could she have put such small store on her hard won values and just when her life was looking up? Then she realised that her life wasn’t looking up, her life was Frank marrying her and settling for not even second best, merely just settling for something for the sake of society and propriety. 

That thought had a sobering effect on her making her think that perhaps she had done the right thing coming tonight after all, at least it would be the final door closing on her previous hopes and dreams. It almost seemed like fate now, one final goodbye to Richard closing the old part of her life before the next chapter began. She sighed and wiped away an unexpected tear she had shed, hurriedly blowing her nose and attempting to compose herself.

She was just thinking that if he didn’t open the door soon she didn’t think that she would be able to stand it and she wrestled with the thought of turning away and going home when right at that moment the door opened and there he stood in front of her, her Richard, her Mr Brazendale as he had once been.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

‘May I am so sorry, I had a phone call from New York that I had to take and it took longer than I thought. Please, won’t you come in?’ He leant down as if to kiss her cheek then having second thoughts he pulled back, instead gently putting his arm around her back and ushered her in. ‘Please, make yourself comfortable, they will bring dinner up as soon as I ring but perhaps you would like a drink first? That’s if you drink, I know that you once said you don’t but perhaps that’s changed now,’ he pondered. 

‘I’ll have whatever you are having.’ She needed something to bolster her raw nerves now that she was there and he was so near to her. ‘All right a gin fizz coming right up,’ he smiled a little and made his way over to the small bar that had been set up to the side of the sitting room area of the suite. ‘Please do sit down,’ he waved his hand towards the settee. 

Sitting on the edge of the couch she watched the easy way he prepared the cocktail with expertise and walked over to her, his body moving with a grace that she knew well. Handing it to her he then sat down opposite her in an arm chair. ‘Cheers,’ he saluted towards her. ‘Cheers,’ she replied automatically, taking a tiny sip of her drink, her hand trembled a little as she raised her glass.

She looked at him and their eyes met. 

‘How have you been May? You look,’ he hesitated searching for the right words, ‘you look very cosmopolitan. You have grown up.’ ‘Life does that to you Richard,’ she remarked with a trace of bitterness she didn’t attempt to disguise in it, ‘I have had to do a lot of growing up. I didn’t really have a choice now did I?’ ‘No, I don’t suppose you did,’ regret permeated his voice. ‘May I am so very sorry.’ ‘Are you? You see I didn’t really get that impression the last time I saw you before you left, the night that you came home to find your wife practically wanting to steal our baby.’

He flinched at the mention of Madelaine, the words stinging him but no more than he deserved really. He didn’t need May to remind him of that night though, he’d had to live with it and the consequences of his decisions ever since. There was not one single day since then that he did not think of that night when he had come home to hear the crying of a baby, his baby, and rushing up the stairs he found not May in the nursery, as he had so longed for, but Madelaine. Then to make things worse, that horrid moment when he had been asked to voice what he wanted, his words haunting him to this day, giving up what he really craved, what he really yearned for only for what he felt was the right thing by his lover and their child, and his detestable and fractured wife, with no chance to even explain let alone apologise to her. 

‘Yes May believe it or not I am. Had you only read my letters you would know how very sorry I am but I understand your reasons. I have no right to even expect that you ever want to even see me again and I am grateful that you came tonight. I half thought that you wouldn’t you know. When you didn’t respond to my telegram I thought… well it doesn’t really matter what I thought. I know you being here is more than I deserve. You don’t need to tell me that. I wonder what it was that made you come,’ he mused, searching her face in the hope of finding the answer he was seeking.

‘I came for Victor,’ she looked away as she said this, ‘I came for our son.’ He visibly softened at her words and the thought of the beautiful child he had met for the very first time today, the child that they had produced from their love for each other, and he understood. 

‘Wait, what did you say?’ she suddenly asked, ‘telegram, what telegram? I haven’t heard a word from you for months. No letters and definitely no telegram. I thought…’ she paused reflecting now on how she had really felt when his letters had stopped coming. ‘What May, what did you think?’ He leant forward intrigued to know what her reaction must have been. ‘I thought that you must have forgotten me,’ she replied flatly. 

‘Oh May, how could you even think that. If I lived to be one hundred do you think that I could forget you or stop loving you or our child? Had you read any of the letters I sent you would know it is the exact opposite if truth be known, I … I love you more than I ever thought it could be humanly possible to love anyone,’ the expression on his face pulling at her heart strings and shocking her with a ferocity that shook her. 

Her mouth dropped open. She was lost for words. Her head was already spinning with the news that he had continued sending letters and even sent a telegram. She was confused. When the letters stopped coming it was the final straw, the nail in the coffin as far as any remote chance of them ever coming together again, she had believed that it was finally over and it was the catalyst for her decision to accept Frank’s proposal. Even though she had never read any of them it was still a link to him her irrationality had always reasoned. 

Frank! Frank at the post office, Frank delivering the mail and Frank delivering, or more to the point not delivering a telegram and letters, with a sudden clarity her suspicions were aroused. Was it possible, could he have been so cruel to withhold mail for his own purposes she speculated? 

She sat quite still thinking, trying to grasp all that he had said. She hadn’t expected any of this. She wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting but it certainly wasn’t this. She had mused that Richard would want to come to some kind of understanding about visiting rights with Victor to which she didn’t object but then it came to her; she feared that it would mean long periods of absence when he would be taken to New York or wherever it was that Richard was living now. She didn’t mind him having an involvement with his own child but the thought of Madelaine having any kind of contact with him, it made her feel sick. She didn’t think that she could bear it. 

And now this; his declaration of love coming out of the blue like this was so unexpected that she couldn’t think straight. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever even consider it to be likely. He’d made his choice, or more to the point he had what she saw as the opportunity to make a choice and instead he had left the ball in her court as far as Victor was concerned. She had felt that if he truly loved her then he would have said something at the time. Blinded by what she saw as his reluctance to speak of his desires, she had never really considered his own position in life and what it must be doing to him if indeed he did really love her. But it was too late for all that now wasn’t it. Nothing had changed as far as she was concerned and nothing ever would. 

She snapped out of her thoughts to look at him. ‘It’s no use is it? You can say that till the cows come home but aren’t you forgetting something, a little matter of your wife?’ she asked him, tears beginning to form in her eyes as she gritted her teeth in an effort to stop from crying. Then in a panic, fearing she would be totally overwhelmed by her emotions and lose her head completely, she stood and began to pick up her evening purse and head for the door. 

‘May! May please, please don’t go,’ he was by her side instantly reaching out to hold her in his arms; he couldn’t let her go when he had waited so long to get her back. ‘Richard I can’t, I can’t stay here and have my heart broken all over again. I just can’t do it and I won’t go through it all over again.’ 

She was adamant on that point and nothing was going to change it. She had an epiphany of sorts suddenly imagining that horror of horrors, he might propose an arrangement similar to the one he had proposed before when he offered to set her up in an apartment. He was married and hell would freeze over before she would even remotely consider any kind of proposition such as the one he had put to her about being a kept woman and now it would be even worse, a kept woman with a child. 

Times might have changed a lot in the last few years while they had been apart. Moral convention had altered enormously with the coming of the Jazz age but even for someone as unconventional as May had always been, she could never bring herself to forget the shame that she felt when he had once before proposed that he support her with her own flat. A kept mistress with a child was even too much for her to bear and she did not intend to stick around in the likely hood he made the same offer again. 

‘I am going to marry Frank and that’s all there is to it,’ she declared with finality, ‘once I get things sorted out with him,’ she muttered the later under her breath. Her face was set into a rigid mask of determination. He knew that look. May might have changed in a lot of ways, grown into being a fine figure of a woman but some things hadn’t changed and that was the stubborn look that he recognised right at that moment. He knew that there was not a single thing he could do to make her change her mind. 

He immediately let go of her and took a step backwards. ‘You are going to marry Frank?’ He wasn’t even asking a question stunned as he was, he was merely repeating what she had just said as if by saying the words he would be able to comprehend and believe them, but it didn’t work. She glanced at his ashen face as he looked into the distance unseeing his surrounds, clearly reeling from this last piece of news and all she could see was a genuine heart felt grief written all over his face. 

‘Do you love him?’ His voice was cold now. Gone was the warmth and emotion it had previously held. It was a dead and flat noise spoken as though by a ghost. His face had turned a ghastly white pallor and his arms hung limply from his body, his life’s blood sucked out of him, the effort of the question almost his undoing. ‘Do you love him May?’ he whispered, an echo reverberating around the room, floating between them like a dagger ready to strike through his heart dependent upon her answer.

‘It doesn’t matter if I love him or not, I have told him that I would marry him and that’s that, it’s final. There is nothing else to say,’ her voice bleak and yet resolute but with the same dull timbre that matched his.

And then she was gone.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. All kudos to the brilliant writing of Heidi Thomas.

Vague recollections of Jacob helping her into a taxi and what now seemed a long trip home were just a splintered memory to her when she opened the front door only to be confronted by a barrage of questions directed at her like a tidal wave of mistrust. She had barely held herself together since leaving Richard and all she wanted was to climb into bed, curl into a ball and cry herself to sleep in the privacy of her own bedroom. But it seemed that the night was to hold yet more drama for her before it had finished with her. 

‘Just where the bloody hell have you been May? And what’s this I hear about you going out last night too. Well, what have you got to say for yourself? It’s all that Margo’s fault leading you astray with her hoity toity ideas and I won’t have it. Do you hear me?’ Frank’s raised voice grated through her. 

‘Don’t think that once we are married you will be pulling these kinds of stunts on me. No May, there’ll be none of this nonsense. You will find another job if needs be and start behaving like a proper wife should, at home with her husband and children. I’ll not stand for any of this kind of poppycock when you are my wife. You will be Mrs Frank Gadney and you will do as you are told. After what you have put me through and what I have done for you…’ 

He didn’t get the chance to go on as whatever he was going to say next was cut short when May finally saw red and let fly. Gone was all the polish and deportment so painstakingly drummed into her by Margo, in a sudden rage she was May again, the old May that had had the gumption to tell Richard to shove his scabby job and that she would rather work at the bleeding bobbin works than continue on working for him after discovering he was a witness to her saucy appearance at a smoker’s night. With her old spirit to the fore she snarled at Frank. 

‘What you have gone through and what you have done for me? Tell me what you have done for me Frank. Tell me about the letters for me that were never delivered and tell me about a telegram that was sent and never arrived. All you have done for me? Just what exactly have you really done, and not for me Frank, but to get me for you? You said you loved me, well that’s not love Frank, that’s sick. That’s possessive and that’s lying and stealing. Do you want to tell me about that then Frank?’ 

‘How do you know about the telegram?’ he asked in amazement before his face changed and the penny dropped. ‘You’ve seen him haven’t you, you’ve been with him. I can almost smell him on you, your precious Mr Brazendale.’ 

If he had thought that she was angry before, that was nothing to the abject fury in her eyes after his last accusing comment. Stepping closer to him she slapped him with all her might. ‘How dare you? How dare you imply that I …’ ‘Well it wouldn’t be the first time would it?’ he spat out at her in his now frantic state, the realisation that he had been caught out making him desperate to lash out at her in a fit of overwhelming jealousy. 

She was seething with anger and not just at his implied insult but because she realised what a fool she had been all this time believing that he was such an innocent that she was willing to trust him with her future. All these years of trust in him all gone in an instant, and to think that not an hour ago she had almost flung her proposed marriage to him in Richard’s face and had been willing to give Frank the benefit of the doubt, my god what a fool she had made of herself. Better almost to be Richard’s mistress than spend another minute with Frank she raged inwardly.

‘Get out,’ she flung the front door open, ‘get out this instant.’ He pushed past her and was gone before she had time to slam the door. She turned and looked up the stairs to see Ruby standing at the top, a silent witness to the scene. ‘You haven’t, it’s not true. Tell me it’s not true May,’ Ruby’s face horrified at the thought that May had been with Richard after all that had happened, ‘May say it isn’t true!’ 

‘Not now Ruby, not tonight. Leave me be,’ she pleaded before climbing the stairs, ‘not now.’ She closed the bedroom door, locking it and sank to her knees. 

She sat on the floor, holding her legs curled up to her chest hugging herself. Her mind was swimming with all the events of the last twenty four hours. In only twenty four hours her life had irreparably changed. If someone had told her when she got up yesterday morning that her night out with Stephen would change the course of her life she would have laughed and said not to be ridiculous but here she was, sitting on the floor of her bedroom with her head spinning, her heart racing and her whole world transformed. 

Sitting there thinking back she realised how totally random and ironic life could be. Working for Margo had led to her to meeting Stephen who in turn she was discover was Billy’s new boss. Not only that but George was buying out Stephen’s Uncle in a business venture and going into partnership with Stephen’s good mate who just happened to be Richard. She almost laughed at how ludicrous it was that she should be the recipient of all these coincidences but she didn’t. 

Instead she groaned and shook her head. This just couldn’t be happening. It was too much. The shock of seeing Richard here in England at the club was enough to give anyone in her position one hell of a jolt but to find him standing next to her at the park, meeting his son for the first time and the emotions that entailed… she trembled at the thought. Wasn’t that enough for her to come to terms with without his declaration of love too? 

What was the point, why did he have to tell her? It was a torture to her as was the look on his face when she said that she was going to marry Frank. But what else could he expect her to do? He had been gone out of her life, unreachable, their love banished never to be fulfilled she had thought. 

How many long nights had she spent in bed alone pining for him. Wishing he was lying beside her, holding her in his arms. Hearing his musical voice, his laughter that rippled through her heart whenever she heard it or falling into the depths of the sparkle in his blue eyes as he looked at her, all tormenting her day in day out for the want of him until she couldn’t stand it and she had to let it go for her sanities sake. 

She had tried so desperately to move on, to put him out of her life and now when she thought that finally she was going somewhere, that she had a small modicum of social standing and self-confidence, of all times he has to show up now. It was beyond belief. 

Despite all her new found confidence she was a pragmatist. What hope did she really have of bettering her position when in reality she was an unmarried mother? Social morals may have changed but on that score some things never changed and were not forgiven by those with pious, holier than thou, unbending attitudes. 

On the way home in the taxi she had half resigned herself to everything that had happened was meant to be. Maybe that was the only way she could finally accept that marrying Frank was the only option left to her. Perhaps it would bring her the peace of mind that she needed, once she had sorted things out with him but when Frank had been so hideous and she had realised that the suspected deceptions on his part were in fact a reality, and that then even that closed yet another door in her life, as unwelcome as it had been, she knew then that she had finally run out of options.

She had never asked much of life. She had hopes and dreams when she was younger but those had faded into the reality of her circumstances after having Victor. All her hopes and dreams now had been concentrated on bettering his future and doing what was right by him. He was born out of the love she had shared, born into the pain that she suffered but despite that he was a happy and angelic child with winning ways and beautiful temperament. He was the only male person in the world that she knew that she could count on not to let her down.

Bitter forlorn tears struggled down her face as she sat there in the semi darkness reliving the past and the more recent future, a melancholy settling on her small shoulders like a shroud. She tried desperately hard to fight it and hold it at bay but she was so very tired from all the emotional upheaval she had been through that it finally descended around her.  
Richard loved her. He still loved her, her mind tortured her with his words as she sobbed, her heart breaking all over again. She didn’t want to hear it. She loved hearing it. She wanted to forget. She never wanted to forget. She didn’t want to know. She craved knowing that he still cared. She didn’t want to love him. She still adored him with all her heart and soul and always would. Her mind teased and twisted her way of thinking until she couldn’t take any more.

With leaden feet she finally pulled herself up and got undressed, automatically hanging all her finery in her wardrobe alongside all the other gowns that Margo had given her then she climbed into bed. 

As she lay there she pictured what it would be like when inevitably she let Victor go to Richard and wondered how she will cope with the thought of Madelaine fussing over the boy. It was too much to bear. She couldn’t do it but she knew that to deprive Victor of his Father now would be the most selfish and harmful action she could take. 

Of course it was all speculation on her part but for the sake of her child she knew that being with his Father was no more than the child deserved. Frank would have made a good Father, or she had thought that but to be totally and honestly fair to him, because of her deep seated love of Richard she had never really given him a chance and perhaps that is what led to him becoming so desperate. He could never really compete with Richard, no man could and now here she was left on her own. She no longer had any direction in her life and it was up to her to fend for herself and her child now all over again just as she had been doing for the last few years of her life and she was tired. She was so very tired. 

As sleep finally found her, giving her some respite, her final thoughts were dark. ‘Oh Richard what have I done,’ she asked herself before falling into oblivion.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement is intended. Kudos to the brilliant writing of the original series upon which this fic some of the characters are loosely based.

‘I am here to rescue you,’ Stephen’s smiling face greeted May when she answered a knock on the door the next morning. ‘Rescue me? How did you know? Wait, don’t tell me. I’ll get Victor and yes, please rescue me. That’s exactly what I need.’ 

True to her word she was back in no time with Victor holding onto her hand while clutching his much beloved plane, her hat plonked any old how on her head and a look of relief on her face. ‘Where to Madam, I am at your disposal? I have a car for the day and I can take you anywhere you want to go.’ 

‘I don’t care where it is just get me away from here,’ she replied as she closed the front door. ‘Right then, let’s go,’ he shepherded them both into the rather flashy looking roadster, Victor cooing with delight at the prospect of sitting in between them in the front seat with a bird’s eye view. 

He took a road heading north out of the city, making a stop on the way to pick up a picnic hamper, ‘No sense in us all starving is there, even if you don’t really feel like it you still have to eat May and I am sure that Victor wouldn’t say no to some cold pork pie and lemonade would you champ?’ ‘No sir, I like cold pork pie,’ he answered politely then turned to May, ‘Mummy what is cold pork pie?’ Despite the turmoil going on in her head she had to laugh. He was such an angel. 

Stephen drove for a while in silence before turning off the main road and heading west for some time travelling along a box hedge lined dirt road, the hedge soon disappearing and being replaced with tall reeds and swampy growth until finally that too disappeared into a tangle of twisted and snarled forest. Turning once again onto what could only be described as an unused track, he pulled the car into what appeared to be a clearing. ‘Right then, come on you two, time to stretch the legs a bit,’ he laughed as he grabbed the hamper and a rug from the miniscule back seat and lead the way through a break in the trees straight in front of them. 

May sniffed a little as they walked for a while, the unmistakable aroma of ozone accosting her nostrils on the gentle breeze but it wasn’t until they mounted the small rise in front of them on the pathway that her presumption was confirmed as they continued through the now thinning trees to stand at the head of a small set of wooden stairs leading down to a beach.

‘This will blow the cobwebs out of you,’ Stephen smiled. ‘Mummy, Mummy, we are by the sea,’ Victor’s excited voice trilled, ‘Mummy can I look for sea shells I pwomise I won’t go near the water.’ ‘Let him go May, I promise you I will keep an eye on him,’ Stephen urged her. ‘All right precious but don’t go near the water and don’t go out of our sight.’ ‘Thank you Mummy I pwomise I won’t.’

After picking out a spot that seemed to afford a good view of the whole beach Stephen laid out the rug and assorted plates, glasses and parcels of food then sat down next to her. ‘Do you want to talk or would you rather we didn’t?’ he asked thoughtfully. She was silent a moment before answered in him.‘How did you know?’ she asked curiously almost knowing the answer but wanting certainty. 

Her thoughts flew back to the other night when he had told her at the club of his good friend who had been through a lot, been through the war with him and had recently been going through a difficult time. She had realised last night when speaking to Richard that he was one and the same and that given the closeness of their friendship she thought that they may have spoken together after she left but she needed confirmation from him that her assumption was right.

‘I have known Richard since the war. We served in France together; he was my superior, officer material through and through and a dam good soldier. He was brave too, extraordinarily brave. Did you know that?’ ‘I never knew that,’ she replied, ‘I knew he had been in the war but he never said a word about his action. I had no idea.’ ‘Well take it from me May, he went above and beyond for his men and I should know, I was one of them.’

‘In all the time that I have known him I have never seen Richard squiffed but he was last night. Not even under the most harrowing circumstances had I ever seen him take more than a moderate amount of drink but I found him in our hotel bar late last night when I stopped in for a night cap before bed and he was in a pretty sorry state I can tell you.’

‘Look May, Richard is my friend but I would like to think that even though we haven’t exactly known each other all that long, I think of you as a friend too so I am not here to judge either of you but I am here to listen, just as I was for Richard last night.’ She looked down at her hands in her lap, studying them as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. She couldn’t look at him, remorse and something else, something greater trickling through her body like a chill. 

‘I know that you have been hurt terribly and nothing can ever make up for that but so has Richard. To be honest I don’t know how he has managed to stay sane after with what has happened. I am not sure that I would have been able to go through that and still be able to function. It must have been so very dreadful for him and all.’

She looked at him puzzled, she really didn’t have the slightest clue as to what it was that he kept referring to and it was really starting to hound her. ‘What must have been dreadful Stephen? I have no idea what you are talking about.’ His surprised look was not lost on her. ‘I thought that he would have told you,’ he responded puzzled. ‘Told me what?’   
There was an uncomfortable silence while he thought what was best to do. It really wasn’t his place to say anything and the very fact that Richard had not told her of his circumstances reinforced his belief that his friend had, for whatever reason, preferred not to discuss it with her for some reason or other that he couldn’t understand. Surely if he told her it would make the world of difference and his behaviour puzzled him deeply. Making up his mind as to the best course of action he patted her on the hand. ‘I think the two of you should talk.’ 

May looked at him pitifully, tears now streaking down her face. She shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. I can’t, I just can’t. Not after last night, not after what I said to him. It’s impossible.’ She looked forlornly out to sea, the clouds covering the sun momentarily turning the sea to a dark slate blue matching her mood. The sun had gone out of her life too but she knew that unlike the moment, it was a permanent thing, something to be endured and accepted. 

In her mind she had closed the door with Richard the moment that she had told him that she was marrying Frank. Even now, even though that was no longer going to eventuate it still didn’t change things. How could it? He was still married to Madelaine and that was all that there was to it. He had hurt her and she had hurt him with her declaration, what else was there left to say. He said he would always love her and Victor and she knew in her heart now that he would always be the love of her life too.

He pulled out a hanky and offered it to her. She took it and dried her tears and sighed then looked down the beach to where Victor was playing building sand castles. ‘I have my son, which is my consolation. He is my future Stephen and I aim to make it as happy as possible. That is all I can do, give him love and the best of everything that I can afford and nothing, not even my unhappiness is going to stand in the way of that. I owe that to him and to me. I won’t spoil it for him.’

‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want Victor to have a nice day. It’s not often that he gets to come to the seaside and I am so grateful to you for bringing us. More than you will ever know really. You understand, you know what it is like to feel empty don’t you,’ he nodded sympathetically, ‘but I am going to take a leaf out of your book and from today onwards I am going to start living a new life and nothing, not Frank nor Richard or anything else is going to get in the way of that. I know now that I don’t need anyone as long as I have Victor,’ she said with finality. 

Stephen knew better than to press it and said nothing but on the drive home he did a lot of thinking. They had spent the rest of the day gormandising the hamper of food he had bought, giving Victor his first experience of pork pies which he found he loved and other delicacies that the child had never been exposed to before. He was even allowed a small sip of Mummy’s champagne to which he giggled and commented, ‘The bubbles tickle my nose Mummy,’ making May really laugh for the first time in what now seemed like an eternity. 

They walked along the beach collecting shells and inspecting every little treasure the boy bought them to look at and they even paddled a little in the warm water of the rock pools at the far end of the cove. Victor delighted in the feel of the warmth of the water on his small feet. ‘A fish, look a fish,’ he squealed in delight at the appearance of a small minnow in one pool whilst the colours of an anemone he found in another pool held his fascination for quite some time. He laughed with glee when with one on each side they held him up by his hands and swung him along over the tops of the small breaking waves, the hem of May’s dress and Stephen’s rolled up pants becoming sodden with the foaming water. 

On the way home Stephen treated them all to a shrimp tea at a little tea shop he knew of. Victor’s eyes were out on stalks at the sight of all the gooey cream cakes, the variety of sandwiches and the choice of brightly coloured jellies and ices he had for choice, not to mention the dish of bon- bons, brightly coloured rock and delectable chocolates that were served at the end of the meal. Stephen laughed at the scowl on the child’s face when May insisted in wiping his sticky fingers and chocolate covered grubby face with his handkerchief before getting into the car. ‘Don’t worry old sport,’ he said confidentially to the boy, ‘my mummy used to do the same thing to me and I hated it too. 

‘Can we come to the beach tomowwow Mummy?’ he asked her sleepily as he curled into her lap on the way home, happy but totally exhausted. ‘No darling, not tomorrow.’ ‘When then, when can we come again Uncle Stephen, can it be soon?’ Stephen liked the sound of being called Uncle but before he could answer the child was off again. 

‘I know Mummy, Aunty Iwis and Uncle John could get married on the beach soon and we could all have a picnic. Will Daddy come too Mummy? How many more sleeps until the wedding Mummy? Can I bwing my plane? Will Uncle Fwank be coming too? Are you still angwy with Uncle Fwank? Mummy I like Uncle Stephen and Uncle John and Daddy much better than Uncle Fwank, but I love Daddy the very most,’ he mumbled before closing his eyes and falling asleep in her arms. 

So do I she thought to herself, so do I, a hell of a lot better.


	21. Chapter 21

‘And just where have you been May Moss?’ Ruby asked, sticking her head out the kitchen door and into the hallway at the sound of her sister’s footsteps. ‘What on earth has been going on?’ Her voice was raised and she wore a disapproving look on her face. She was covered in threads stuck to her old work smock, her hair ruffled and untidy from pulling the dress she was making to wear to Iris’s wedding on and off all day as she worked on the fitting. She was to be Iris’s bridesmaid and May was to be matron of honour. 

May’s dress was already completed and hanging in the wardrobe in her room but because she had been busy with it and with Iris’s gown, Ruby’s own dress had been put on the back burner and now she was running out of time. She had less than two weeks to finish it so she was working feverishly to get it all done. ‘I don’t know what you think you are playing at running out of here before any of us got up, we were worrying ourselves sick all day over you. Where were you anyway? And don’t think that you are going to get out of it either, we need to talk about last night….’ 

At that moment Stephen appeared in the door way carrying a sleeping Victor in his arms. ‘Hello Ruby,’ he whispered, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the sleeping child, ‘where would you like me to put him, he’s had his supper, well late afternoon tea really but he’s been well fed and I would imagine will sleep right through now.’ 

For the first time Ruby got a proper look at his face and she suddenly realised just how very attractive he was. He had the most exceptional blue eyes and a rather dazzling smile to match she noticed, her hand quickly patting her hair in an attempt to tidy the untidy mess. She realised that she must look a fright right now and was none too pleased with May for not giving her any warning that he would be paying a visit. What ever would he think of the way she was dressed let alone the mess that she felt she looked. 

‘Upstairs?’ he asked as he shot past her not waiting for an answer and he was half up the stair case before she could stop gawping at him and attempt a response. By the time she had moved herself he was nowhere to be seen. She looked at May who shrugged and rolled her eyes back at her sister. ‘What is going on?’ she whispered. ‘Not now,’ she frowned back, ‘I will tell you later.’ ‘Well you had better May or you will be hearing a lot more from me I promise.’ ‘Oh all right,’ she rolled her eyes again, ‘now come on,’ and they both mounted the stairs in search of Stephen. 

By the time they found him, Victor was safely tucked in bed in his pyjamas and sound asleep. ‘Let him sleep, he is tired out,’ he remarked as he watch May bend down to kiss him goodnight. Leaving her to it he walked Ruby out into the hallway. 

Taking this opportunity whilst they were alone Stephen blurted out, ‘I say Ruby, would you care to join me for some supper? That’s if you are not previously engaged,’ he added all in a hurry with just a touch of a nervous tremor to his voice. ‘Supper?’ she asked incredulously, her face turning pink, ‘Well I …’ 

‘Ruby why don’t you?’ May urged her as she silently closed the door to Victor’s bedroom and faced the couple, ‘it would do you good to get out once in a while and before you say that you can’t because you have too much to do, I can get a start on the beading on your dress,’ she offered as an enticement knowing how much her sister hated the tedious job of sewing the tiny adornments to the sheer fabric. ‘I have nothing to do tonight and won’t mind some quiet time.’ Anything to get Ruby out of the house so she didn’t have to face the barrage of questions that she knew would be inevitable and besides, she really did think that it would do her sister the world of good to get out and enjoy herself for once. 

‘That’s settled then,’ he smiled before Ruby had the chance to say anything. ‘I’ll just go home and get changed and will be back at seven o’clock sharp for you. And Ruby,’ he called out over his shoulder to her from his position now half way down the stairs, ‘wear some comfortable shoes, we may go dancing after dinner.’ And with that he was gone leaving her open mouthed and entirely stunned. 

Ruby Moss had a secret that no one else knew about. That she had changed enormously in the last few years there was no doubt. Her previous antics and her hot headed nature had been tempered by a combination of Joseph’s cool guiding hand and also by her newly found career. It certainly would not do to be the wayward child with valiant causes that she had been when one was employed as a chanteuse, Madame would never hear of it. So as time went by she too, just as May had, she had grown up. 

Perhaps it was only par for the course then that as Joseph became more involved in the plight of displaced orphans, a result of the devastating effect the war had had on Europe, it was little wonder really that Joseph and Ruby’s path in life had diverted so much that they drifted apart. It had come to a head a while back now and even though they had parted amicably, never the less it did leave her saddened. 

With everything else that was going on in the family at the time, Ruby had kept this news to herself for some time and even when she did tell them, she was of the opinion that it was now never to be spoken of again in her presence.

If any of them had noticed her weight loss they may have put it down to her slimming, something that was not unheard of with all the smart young set and quite understandable seeing she was in the fashion industry instead of the real reasons that being the toll the breakup had taken on her. She had lost that chubby cheeked look from her face accentuating her high cheek bones and slanting almond shaped eyes, the results leaving her looking like a Parisian model, even if she did not know it and certainly would have derided anyone for saying it to her face. 

She had thrown herself into swimming again too whenever she could, after all she had more free time and was at a loss what to do with it since she no longer would be spending it with Joseph. Not since the days of training for the Olympics had she had time to spend on her fitness and although the first week had been tough, everyday thereafter she reaped the benefits, her muscles gaining tone and elasticity. 

The truth of the matter was that she was no longer a girl but a fine looking young woman that saw life differently now and definitely saw no reason not to get on with life, take every opportunity that came her way and start living it, and that was exactly what she was going to do that night with Stephen, make the most of an unexpected opportunity and finally live life and love it. 

‘Ruby Moss, if you don’t get down here in the next five minutes I am giving your breakfast to the next door’s cat,’ May shouted up the stairs the next morning. ‘All right, keep your knickers on, I am coming,’ a voice in the distance shouted back before footsteps on the upper landing could be heard hurriedly pattering along the hallway and then down the stairs. She was yawning her head off when she finally arrived at the table and commenced shovelling down bacon and eggs. ‘There’s no need to eat that quickly, your bus isn’t for another forty minutes,’ May observed. ‘Hmm?’ was the only response she got as Ruby continued to shovel her food down then sit with a cup of tea in her hand staring off into space. 

‘It’s no wonder you overslept, you didn’t get in until all hours. I was starting to get worried but I knew that you were in safe hands with Stephen.’ At the mention of his name Ruby’s face softened. ‘He dances divinely,’ she said dreamily, her comment producing a look of astonishment from May. Could this be her own sister Ruby saying something as… as girlie as that? Was this the same normally no nonsense Ruby, with her just and righteous causes, day dreaming about dancing she asked herself? Will wonders never cease?

‘I finished all the beading on the bodice, the front panelling and around the bottom of the overlay of your dress for you so now all you need to do is check that I got the sequinning around the hem the way you wanted it and sew on the buttons and it is finished. That should only take you one night. I left it on the dressmakers dummy in the parlour so it won’t come to harm,’ May advised her but it was like talking to the wall. ‘That’s nice,’ Ruby replied absent minded. 

‘Mummy wot’s wrong with Aunty Wuby, is she sick?’ Victor piped up from his chair where he was eating his porridge. ‘No precious she’s not but she is going to be in trouble if she doesn’t snap out of this and get a move on, she’s only got ten minutes left now to finish her breakfast and get to the bus stop,’ May observed, her remarks lost on the child but not on the person they were intended for. 

Yawning again Ruby got up and made for the door but stopped and turned. ‘May don’t make any supper for me tonight, I will be out,’ she said smiling and went to leave the room, ‘Stephen is taking me to a play and we will have a late supper at his club,’ she smiled. ‘Oh and thanks for all the work on the dress, I am sure it must have taken you hours. I know I will love it,’ she threw in before disappearing out the door. 

In a way it was a god send that Ruby was so distracted May thought on the bus ride to Margo’s after leaving Victor with Billy for the day. At least she hadn’t been subjected to the grilling that she normally would have expected after the other night and the episode with Frank. She was sure that they were overheard by the whole household and had anticipated a multitude of questions that she hadn’t been looking forward to. Lord knows her head was in enough turmoil to last her a life time without even more dramas from her very own family. 

As much as she loved them all, and it goes without saying Victor in particular, she was rejoicing in having this quite time to herself to reflect on the events of the last few days and weeks. It was the first time, other than when she had come home the other night that she was on her own. Now away from the house and with time to let her mind wander over the last few days, now that time had passed and the rawness of her emotions had settled into a somewhat calmer mood of acceptance, she tried to look at things more objectively. 

She had meant it when she had told Stephen that she was going to move forward. She had not told him of all that had happened with Frank, that was something that she didn’t want to bring up because of the implications of her conversation with Richard. What could she say? After telling Richard in no uncertain terms that she was to marry Frank then within a matter of hours discovering his true colours, she felt like a prize fool and worse. She had merely told Stephen it was over and left it at that. It was all just such a mess. 

Thoughts churned around in her head without her seeming to focus on anything clearly until suddenly part of the conversation she had with Stephen the other night and what he had said came back to her and jolted her into focus. He had told her that something dreadful had happened to Richard and he didn’t think he could have stayed sane after what he had been through. 

She wondered, what exactly it was that was so very dreadful and what it was that Richard had been through. As if she couldn’t feel any worse than she already did, now she felt totally mortified. She had not even bothered to ask him how he was and upon reflection she realised that although he would always look wonderful to her, in reality he looked exhausted. 

Tired and exhausted and something else that she had never seen before, he looked almost defeated.


	22. Chapter 22

Over the next week Margo proved once more to be the good friend that May has always supposed her to be by supporting her and keeping her busy and focussed on Iris’s wedding. Despite her having high hopes for a possible romantic attachment to Stephen Bannerman those hopes were now quashed from what she understood from the little her friend had said about it. That Frank Gadney was thankfully out of her life once and for all was however a blessing in her opinion. May’s revelation of his behaviour merely reinforced Margo’s opinion that she had good judgement as far as not particularly liking or trusting May’s former fiancée in the first place. 

She would have liked the details of what had occurred to change May’s decision but was respectful and didn’t push the issue. It was enough for her to know that her protégé had had a very narrow escape from what Margo considered a fate worse than death. It gave her hope that somewhere there was something better waiting for her friend and it was just a matter of time before it came along. 

The days flew by with all the preparations for the wedding going to plan. Even though Iris had wanted a quiet ceremony with not too much fuss, John had insisted on having a decent and properly catered wedding so he had a reception venue hired to accommodate them. Dada was to give Iris away with both her sisters in attendance as matron of honour and bridesmaid and John’s business partner Lawrence was to be best man with Billy as a groom’s man, John having asked him to do the honours much to Billy’s delight. And to top it all off, Victor was to be the page boy, May even making a small silken pillow in the shape of a heart upon which he would carry the wedding rings. He was beside himself with glee. 

Ruby had invited Stephen to the wedding as her partner and several of John’s mates from the convalescence home where to be guests along with the many family and friends on both sides. Iris had invited the Mother Superior to be present too as she had become so close to here that she felt it would almost be like having a surrogate Mother there with her. 

‘Aren’t you going to invite anyone to partner you May?’ Iris asked her several days before the wedding. May gave her a whithering look then simply said, ‘I have Victor, he is my partner.’ Iris wasn’t too sure what exactly had happened between May and Frank, having had a garbled account from Ruby that she didn’t put much store on as these days Ruby was off on cloud nine with her budding relationship with Stephen. 

The two of them had become inseparable since the night they first went to dinner, going out together nearly every single night and at the weekend when she wasn’t working. They had gone to dinner, dancing, the cinema - taking Victor with them, and had seen two plays and a concert. They had even managed to fit in a quick trip to the beach with Victor and May on the previous Sunday and spent a delightful afternoon frolicking around and acting more like children that the boy did. 

May was happy for Ruby. She had never seen her so relaxed and as confident as she appeared to be in Stephen’s presence. She was grateful too as it kept her preoccupied and took her mind off asking questions that she didn’t want to answer, namely what had Frank been talking about when he accused her of seeing Richard. May had been living under the strain of any questions on Ruby’s part over the conversation she must have heard when things ended badly with him.

She was also relieved that Stephen had told Ruby nothing of his friendship with Richard. He felt that it wasn’t his place to speak of it without consultation with May and even if Ruby had asked, which she didn’t fortunately, he would merely have said they had fought together during the war and attempted to fudge over any other details. They had been to the club several times over the week but there was neither hide nor hair of Richard to been seen so thankfully the topic never came up. Small mercies she kept telling herself every night when she went to bed and Ruby, in her now permanently distracted state, had said nothing. 

Stephen said little to nothing about Richard to May either even though he was extremely concerned about his friend. He had visited Richard several times in his hotel room where he seemed to have taken refuge and was worried about his newly acquired reclusive behaviour until Richard assured him that he was fine and just had some things that he needed to get sorted. Not one to press the point, Stephen reiterated that he was there for him if he ever needed anything to which Richard replied, ‘Thank you sport, I may take you up on that someday.’ 

‘Oh and by the way,’ Iris continued on checking the guest list with May, ‘Mother superior managed to contact my benefactor again and he hopes to make an appearance at the wedding reception. I really do hope that he does as I want to thank him for all the kindness he was shown me, a complete stranger. You see May, there are still some good people left in the world,’ Iris enthused. 

On the morning of the wedding the Moss household was a hive of activity. The wedding was to be an afternoon affair, giving John’s partner and his friends time to get to the church without a rush and then the reception was to be in the early evening being a formal dinner and all. 

Dada was the first to arrive, his not so new wife now, accompanying him and doing her best to have him looking appropriate and also to keep him out of the family’s way so that he wouldn’t upset anyone on the day. She did an admirable job of it too, making sure that his suit was pressed and his tie firmly done up, flower in his button hole and hair neatly combed. The girls couldn’t remember ever seeing him look quite so smart. Not even when Iris had been married the first time did he look quite as dashing as he did on the day. 

Victor was fed and washed and dressed in plenty of time too. His little Fauntleroy suite was the cutest thing that they had ever seen and he was busting with pride wearing it. Ruby had commissioned one of the back room girls to make it and she had done a sterling job of it. The extra income generously paid in advance by Ruby herself had added incentive to do a cracker of a job with it and it had paid off enormously. He looked a treat. 

Generously Stephen arrived early too as per an arrangement he had with Ruby so that he could keep Victor occupied and out of the way and out from under their feet. They used the pretext that he would rehearse the child with his walk down the aisle and handing over of the rings. Balancing the heart shaped silken pillow without dropping it was a big task for the child and although they had the greatest of confidence in him they wanted him to be relaxed and enjoy the moment too so Stephen made a game of it keeping both Victor and himself amused until it was time to leave. 

Margo had been an absolute darling and had sent her maid around to help fashion Iris’s hair as well as Ruby’s, May now being an adept hand at creating the style that she had first worn to Margo’s dinner party, needed no assistance. Dressing Iris first, Ruby and May stood back for a final look at their sister. ‘You look beautiful,’ May told her, hugging her to her, ‘really beautiful.’ ‘You do look a picture Iris, the dress is perfect and does you justice,’ Ruby observed, running her critical eye over the fit of the gown and the way that it fell, ‘it’s perfect.’

Iris basked in their praise blushing a little. ‘Hadn’t you both better get dressed,’ she asked unused to taking compliments about her appearance and abruptly changing the subject, ‘I don’t want to keep John waiting by being late.’ Not wanting to add to her pre wedding nerves they both disappeared and returned shortly looking very pretty, their matching dresses looking as equally as stunning as that of Iris’s. 

‘Are you ready,’ Ruby asked as she handed Iris her wedding bouquet and made a slight adjustment to her veil. ‘As ready as I will ever be,’ she replied with a small shaky looking smile. ‘All right then, let’s get on with it then. Are you ready May?’ she turned towards her sister and found her with happy tears in her eyes. ‘Don’t you start crying May Moss, just don’t you start or we will all start. This is a happy day and to hell with shedding any tears. Now come on or we will be late.’

John’s connections within the motor industry had come to the party and he had managed to obtain the use of several cars for the day, drivers included, so it was that Iris Moss was seen off by half the street that had turned out to gawk at the magnificent cars bedecked with white ribbons and the occupants there in. There were many oohs and aahs as the wedding party emerged to climb into the vehicles and as much throwing of rice over the bride as the meagre budgets of her neighbours allowed. 

They travelled to the church with Iris and Mr Moss in one car and May, Ruby and Victor in another, Stephen following the party with Mrs Moss in his own car for the short journey. Arriving fashionably late they disembarked and stood waiting at the door of the church, where Stephen did a quick check to make sure that all was ready and much to Iris’s relief informed her that John was there and was waiting anxiously for her arrival before slipping into his seat inside. 

The procession finally got under way, with the church organ playing and Victor proudly leading the way looking resplendent in his outfit. He did a sterling job too, his footsteps never faltering just as rehearsed with Stephen earlier in the day, and when drawing level with him watching on from where he was standing in the pew Stephen threw him an encouraging wink. He grew two foot taller and walked even prouder, beaming at all and sundry until reaching the alter he stood to one side and waited patiently as he had been told to do. 

May and Ruby soon joined him but as May turned to take her place next to the others she happened to glance around the church to take in the atmosphere and to make sure the flowers that Ruby and herself had decorated the building with were not amiss. It was as she took a glimpse back up the aisle towards the door that she saw a familiar silhouette against the light streaming in. 

For a moment she thought that her eyes were playing tricks on her, it couldn’t be. She must be mistaken, after all why would he be here of all places and on this particular day but she had no time to take a second look as the ceremony was about to begin. 

‘Do you Iris Moss take John Wigan to be your lawful wedded husband, in sickness and in health,’ the words were simple but heart felt and as the congregation watched on, May’s precious sister Iris was finally wed and a new chapter in her life began in front of her loving family and friends. The service was a testament to the love that they held for each other and just like the two of them; it was humble, modest and unpretentious. 

When the rings were called for Victor never missed a step and it was with great pride that May watched him make his way over with the small cushion and with great aplomb he held up his offering, then with continuing dignity he made his way back to his seat beside her. She hugged him tightly and kissed his head whispering in his ear, ‘You did so well. I am proud of you.’ 

May found that when the vicar pronounced them man and wife and advised John he may now kiss his bride, a tear of happiness trickled down her cheek. This was how it was meant to be between a man and woman. Love doesn’t have to be filled with angst, heart break and despair. There are still happy endings; they are not just in fairy tales she was heartened to see. 

‘I am so happy for you Iris,’ May hugged and kissed her then handed her bouquet to her before the procession turned to walk back up the aisle, their progress slowed as they stopped at each pew to accept the congratulations of those present, taking their time to stop and say a few words of thanks to those that came to share in their special moment.   
May was behind Iris and had to keep an eye on the train of her veil for fear of stepping on it so she only got vague glimpses of the guests each time they stopped. She was also holding Victor’s hand and watching where he was walking for fear he would tread on the beautiful fabric and come to amiss. It was because of that that she hadn’t seen the person in the final pew standing with the Mother superior offering congratulations to the bride and groom until the very last minute. 

He was standing side on with his head turned away in the opposite direction as Iris turned and suddenly looked back at May with a look of alarm. She looked back at Iris as if to say whatever is wrong then her eyes strayed to the man Iris had been talking to as he turned around and looked in her direction. She saw the Mother superior say something to him and then something further to Iris who held out her hand to shake his and then glance back at her. 

She felt her legs go weak and her heart jump. Standing there shaking her hand and wishing her sister a long and happy life was the last person on earth she thought that she would ever see.

Richard Brazendale was a guest at her own sister’s wedding.


	23. Chapter 23

The short drive from the church to wedding photographer’s studio was a blur. The photos taken were sure to show something amiss with May even though she tried valiantly to hide the gamut of emotions going through her. She couldn’t even speak to Iris to find out what was going on because they were never alone and she certainly wasn’t going to say anything in front of the others and besides, this was Iris’s wedding day and she didn’t want anything to spoil it. 

So May continued on in her role as matron of honour as best as she could but inside she was in turmoil. Her head was spinning and she felt that her legs had turned to jelly. Richard was there but why, why would he have been there. Surely he hadn’t come to see her, not at her sister’s wedding. He may have been a lot of things but one thing was for certain, he had impeccable manners so it was ridiculous to think of him just showing up at something as important as a wedding simply to talk to her. No, there must be more to it she just didn’t know what. If only her head would stop spinning she almost pleaded with herself, so she could think straight. 

Get a grip May Moss this isn’t the end of the world she told herself on the way to the reception, the photographs finally taken and the wedding party now ensconced back in their respective automobiles. There must be some kind of rational explanation for this but try as she might she just couldn’t fathom what it could be and she cursed herself for letting the mere sight of him get her into such a state that nothing made any sense at all. 

‘Mummy will we have jelly and pork pies at Aunty Iwis’s dinner?’ Victor asked her as the cars pulled into the drive way of the reception, a large manor house that had been converted by the impoverished owners and now doing a booming trade since the end of the war. ‘We will see but seeing you have been such a good boy I think that you can have just about anything that you like precious,’ she replied smiling, thanking god that she had Victor to bring her back to reality. ‘Oh that’s good,’ he went on as he clambered out of the car, ‘I want Daddy to give me my dinner Mummy, he will be sitting with us won’t he?’ 

May should have realised that with his sharp eyes Victor would not have missed spotting Richard at the church and she could only assume that with the excitement of the car ride and getting his photo taken that was the only reason he had not mentioned it before. 

‘I don’t think that will be possible precious, Daddy isn’t going to be here,’ she said with some surety. ‘But Mummy yes he is, he is standing over there with Uncle Stephen, I can see him.’ May began to shake in earnest now after looking across to where Victor was pointing. Oh lord, he is here standing there looking at me. She gulped in a big breath of air in an attempt to steady herself but it was useless. His eyes met hers and she was lost to them. 

Without hesitation he walked over to her. ‘May we need to talk,’ he said taking her arm and guiding her through the main doors and into a small ante chamber that as luck would have it was empty. ‘Don’t worry about Victor, Stephen promised he will look after him,’ he told her before she could protest. He closed the doors and stood with his back them so that anyone attempting to enter couldn’t. 

‘Richard what are you doing here?’ she managed to say shakily, still feeling the touch of him on her skin. ‘I think that you should sit down. I have some things to say that you should listen to. I had intended to tell you that night at the hotel but it didn’t quite turn out the way I was hoping.’ He pulled out a chair to the side of the door and sat her down then stood looking down at her, his face pale and grim but determined. 

‘May you can’t marry Frank Gadney. You don’t love him, I know that you don’t. Don’t ask me how I know I just do.’ ‘Richard I am not going to marry Frank. I can’t even bear the thought of him,’ she replied venomously. ‘You’re not? But I thought you said that you were. That’s what you told me and that’s why I didn’t tell you what I came back to England to tell you. When you didn’t answer any of my letters, particularly the ones over the last few months, and when I got no response from my telegram, I was about to give up but I vowed to give it one last shot before completely giving up. I thought that if you knew about…’ ‘Knew about what Richard?’ 

‘You asked me what am I doing here today and I will tell you but you have to hear me out. Do you promise me May? Just hear me out before you say anything. Will you do that for me?’ ‘Alright, I owe you that much,’ she admitted.

‘May did you ever wonder why it was that Iris was lucky enough to have a benefactor providing support for her? When things happened between us the way that it did and I left for America, it didn’t mean that I stopped caring or that I wouldn’t do anything that I could to make your and your family’s life better. That night at the house when I saw the love and support they were willing to give you I wanted to be part of that, to help in any way I could, in a funny way I believed it would keep you close to me, a link to something that I was lost to. I contacted Father Malia and although he was no longer in England he kind enough to keep me posted about you and your family. I didn’t ask him how he knew what was going on and he didn’t offer to tell me all I knew was that I was grateful to have any news of you.’ 

‘So I arranged to become Iris’s patron if you like, to care for any needs that arose and that way I was at least contributing in some way to helping out or at least I liked to think that I was.’

‘It was the only tangible link that I had to you when you didn’t answer my letters and I heard nothing of you, at least I then got direct reports from the Mother superior that Iris was well and happy. That was something I tell you, and for a while it kept me going but then when things became so bad,’ his voice whispered, ‘I didn’t know if I could keep going. You see we once talked about empty rooms didn’t we and how much you liked empty rooms, well what you didn’t know at the time was that I too liked empty rooms. I know that wasn’t the impression you probably had at the time but I had to be careful. Any room where I could get away from my wife and get some peace and quiet, that was fine by me and I took to spending a lot of my time in empty rooms in the States, sitting and thinking of you and of Victor.’

‘The night you made your decision, after you had had gone, Madelaine tried to kill herself. I knew that one day she might, that was why I had stayed with her for as long as I had. You see she knew that I didn’t love her and never had. I think that she knew even before I did that I was in love with you but she was in denial and that was why she was so desperate to have a child of her own and then take your child. She thought that was a way of keeping me, of winning my love but you can’t suddenly love someone if there just isn’t that spark, that special something of recognition that only two soul mates have for each other.’

‘We went to America when she had recovered, I half thought that new surroundings and a new social circle might help her, she was such a snob in so many respects…’ ‘Was, what do you mean was?’ May interrupted staring at him. ‘She’s dead May. She finally succeeded in killing herself nearly three months ago now. ‘I tried May, I tried as hard as I could to help her but she must have finally admitted to herself that what we had, you and I, it was real and that even though we were apart I could never be happy without you. You see May, it was never about having children for me, it was all about loving you and being loved by you. She came to realise that and she simply couldn’t live with it. She knew that I couldn’t live without you try as I might.’ 

‘How could I ever love her when she used me for a social position and used the threat of suicide to get me to agree to her schemes? The thing is May she didn’t have any idea how much I really wanted you. I wanted you from the moment that you showed a genuine compassion for her. And I loved you for your honesty and your courage in the face of adversity. She came from a wealthy family, she never knew what it was like to struggle for food or a roof over your head but I did. I knew because my father had drummed it into me. He had told me never to look down on those with less because that could be me one day. Respect those that make a living the hard way, being privileged was not a right it was something that you earned. She never understood it and looked down her supposedly cultured nose at those who were worth ten of her.’ 

‘So I sat in empty rooms thinking of you and living a lie until I came home and found her. I had been away interstate, I admit that I was doing everything that I could to be with her as little as possible so I took as many trips as I could and it had all come to a head before I left on that last one. You see she wanted me to … she wanted me to seduce one of her friend’s daughter in the hopes of getting her in the family way. She thought that would take my mind off you but I found her so disgusting, her scheme so abhorrent that I couldn’t bear to be with her any longer and told her so.’

‘Despite what I said at the time, I loved you May when we first made love. You have no idea how much. When I saw you with Claude I was beside myself and then that night that I rescued you and you past out I sat on your bed and kissed your hand and it was almost too much for me to bear feeling your skin on my lips, the beating of your pulse in my hands. She thought that she was so clever arranging to go away so that we would be together but she didn’t have a clue that it was what I was yearning for and praying to happen. But then she came back early, before I could give you the pearls. How it must have hurt you when you found them and then she took them.’

‘When I came back from my trip I knew there was something wrong the minute I opened the door, even before I saw the blood.’ He swallowed and looked away, hesitant to go on but compelled to tell her the full story. He did not know if he would ever get another chance and it was something that he needed her to hear, needed her to understand.

He had to tell her no matter how terrible the truth was, it was something that she had to know.


	24. Chapter 24

‘There was so much blood May, I knew that there was more blood than just hers and that was when I found…’ he sucked in his breath unable to go on for long moments. He was recalling the scene that he had witnessed with horror and revulsion. The sharp sickly tang of a coppery smell assaulted his nostrils. Bile flooded his throat as he walked like a sleep walker in a nightmare. Leaden feet dragging him unwillingly forward compelled as if an other-worldly force gripped him.   
The upturned small refreshment table that had been the witness of many afternoon soirées, with its broken tea cups and smashed remnants of afternoon tea scattered into a kaleidoscopic jumble of incongruous colours, splashed throughout with rivers of blood and slivers of gore was the first sight to impact upon him. He faltered unable to move as he stood staring at the debris in front of him stupidly thinking that he had never before noticed the pattern on the handle of what was left of a cup. Shock was seeping into his mind along with the cloying smell of death making it even harder to comprehend the scene he was witnessing. 

It had taken him long moments of unspeakable revulsion to recognise that Madelaine’s body was not the only terror to confront him. His eyes strayed from the sight of her lying on the floor prostrate and lifeless, to that of a pool of blood at the foot of the settee facing away from him. For what seemed like eternity his brain remained frozen, unable to distinguish what it was that he was seeing before he came to his senses a little and cautiously stepped over Madelaine’s body in an attempt to discern what the cause of the gory mess was. 

Richard had been in battle during the war. He had been witness to the horrors that man could perpetrate on his fellow man but nothing prepared him for what he was about to witness. Lying on the couch in a heap of odd angles was something resembling, in shape only, the remains of a young girl slashed so many times that had she not had long red hair and the remnants of what looked like a floral tea gown on, he would have been hard pressed to identify it as anything other than a pile of meat. 

He shuddered, his whole body trembling as wave upon wave of revulsion, horror and disbelief soaked him with fear and compassion for the poor innocent girl. In the shock of the moment, for one brief second as he took in the tangled and bloody strands of auburn tresses, his thoughts flew to May and he thanked god that he knew that she was safe but then reality took over again and he was grief stricken at the thought that here lying in front of him was the mortal remains of a friend’s daughter. Poor selfish, arrogant, depraved Madelaine had killed her, mutilated her and then killed herself. 

‘I suppose in her demented mind she blamed the girl for not being attractive enough to entice me away from loving you and what she saw as a sexual infatuation with you,’ he mused after recounting the shocking scene he had found. ‘Even at the last, at the midst of her insanity, she didn’t fully understand that what we had was not just a sexual fling, it was not just lust. It was and still is so much more than that and it is enduring and eternal - on my part at the least.’

‘She was always strange, I put that down to her being an only child, spoilt rotten by her parents and with a selfish and unrealistic view of the world. From the moment that we were introduced, her parents were business acquaintances of my Father by the way, she became besotted with me,’ he said rather embarrassed. ‘Everyone considered it to be a good match, her family had old money and my Father was a self-made man as I have already told you before, so from his point of view he couldn’t have been happier than to see my marriage to her. He considered that we were going up in the world that we were finally accepted socially and the union would do nothing but bolster his standing within society.’

‘The thing was May, no one ever really considered what I wanted though,’ he sighed, ‘it was just expected of me to make a good marriage and to carry on with the business after my father was gone. I loved my father and in every way respected him. He had made something of himself after coming from a background of poverty and hardship and it hadn’t been easy, not back then. But with time and effort he gradually succeeded. He wasn’t doing it just for the money either, because of his background he wanted to give me a better life, to afford the opportunities for me that he had never had.’

‘I was just finishing university when the war broke out and will never forget how proud he was when I graduated from Sandhurst. He was scared for me of course; I don’t think that any parent worth their salt wouldn’t be but that aside, I knew that he couldn’t be prouder of me than he was that day at the coming out parade,’ he paused remembering that far off day, ‘and then the day that I came home, our reunion was something that I will never forget. I loved him so much,’ he sighed.

‘When he put it to me that marrying Madelaine would please him I felt that I owed it to him to acquiesce to his wishes and so we were married. But I knew right from the first night together that there was something not quite right about her. She made demands of me that were unspeakable even to you. She had told me that she was a virgin but that was a lie, she was far from it from what I gathered later. If anything she was a sadist and a masochist. She enjoyed pain May, do you understand, she enjoyed inflicting pain and not just on me physically but in other ways and on herself too.’ 

‘I came to realise very quickly just how unstable she really was and when she became fixated on having a child I was horrified. I tried hard to make things work between us but my heart wasn’t in it. The last thing that I wanted to do was have a child with her but misguidedly I thought that perhaps it would change her and she would actually become a loving and better person for the experience. But then I came to see that she was a danger to herself and she used that, threatening me that she would kill herself if she didn’t have a child,’ his voice trailed off for a moment before he went on, ‘then when she realised that I truly loved you and that was why I had kept quite that last night when you took Victor to protect him and you, it was too much for her. She went into denial I suppose and decided that it was merely some kind of sexual thing that I felt, I suppose with her depraved mind that was the only way she could think of it.’

‘The doctor told me that her wounds looked worse than they actually were. He said it was a cry for help and recommended a doctor in New York, believing as I did that the move to the States would help her with her recovery but of course as you now know, it didn’t. I had never thought for one minute that she was dangerous to anyone other than herself really, or to me, but I was wrong. As dreadful as the whole sordid business was, and it was May, it became horrific. The one thing that kept me going through all the inquest and endless inquiries was that you were safe and Victor was safe. I could not have born anything happening to either of you.’

‘I never stopped loving you, I never gave up hope that one day we would be together and we would be a family. Even when you never wrote back I still had to hold on to a thread of hope that somehow some kind of miracle would happen and we would be together. It was all that kept me going year after year. The moment that I knew I was free I telegraphed you. I know that sounds terrible given the circumstances of what had occurred but I couldn’t help myself. I just prayed that it wasn’t too late, that you could find it within yourself to finally understand and forgive me.’

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face as she had sat listening and for once in her life not interrupting, not until now that was. ‘I think I forgave you a long time ago, or at least I really wanted to. I always wanted to believe in you so much and I did try to understand then finally I think that after seeing you that night in your room, I think that I did begin to understand,’ she said quietly, her eyes blazing, ‘I … I never stopped loving you. No matter how hard I tried I never did. I … I couldn’t,’ her words were simple and from the bottom of her heart.

‘I loved you from the moment you understood why I couldn’t bear to be at home, from the moment that you climbed up the ladder and put out the candles for me. From the moment that you gazed out the window watching me leave with Claude wearing the look of one who has lost everything, and I loved you from the moment that you rescued me from a fate worse than death at the hands of Claude when you came riding in on your white charger,’ her voice was soft and dreamy. ‘Oh and I loved you from the moment that you made me scrambled eggs with a bottle of HP sauce.’

‘I loved you for your intensity, your passion and because you made me feel loved. You made me feel that our baby was real and a part of the love that we shared and not just a thing to be hated. I thank god every single day that you did. And I loved you when you put your hand on my belly and said he was our baby and that we love each other. You made me feel loved and you made me feel for the first time in my life like a woman and not just a non-entity but someone worthwhile and that I counted. And I loved you from the moment that we were in bed together and you took me so sweetly and were so patient. I loved that you set my world on fire and taught me a passion that I never dreamt could exist.’

‘May, I loved you for every moment that we spent together. I just loved you for you,’ he whispered softly. His eyes searched her face then met her eyes as he stood there gazing at her with longing until he worked his courage up to ask her the most important question of his entire life, one that he had been longing to say for what seemed eternity. He cleared his throat and she noticed that his hand reached into his jacket pocket as though he was searching for something held within. 

‘May…’ his voice was no more than a whisper now, ‘I once said that diamonds are for lovers and pearls are for wives, May,’ he hesitated, all his hopes pinned on his next words and her reaction to them, ‘May I … I want you to be both, will you become my wife and my lover? Will you marry me?’ 

He fumbled in his pocket and drew out a small velvet box, and held it out to her. She looked down, staring in shock after opening it; she was looking at the most stunning ring that she had ever seen. In the centre was a large baguette cut diamond that sparkled and glittered myriads of shining rainbow colours in the sun light shining through the window next to them and glancing off the ring, shards of reflected prisms making a pattern on the ceiling of the room. It was dazzling. On either side of this small wonder were three seed pearls in a triangle of support, the lustre of which she had not seen before, not even on the pearls that he had bought and that Madelaine had found. It was a thing of beauty and must have cost an absolute fortune. 

‘The minute that I was free I had it made for you May, I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted it to be beautiful like you. I never told you how beautiful you are to me, you have life and a sparkle to you May, you have courage and a way of taking life in your hands and getting on with it.’

He took her face in his hand and turned it to look at him, ‘You are so strong and courageous and brave. I … I’ he stammered a little, red in the face and looked down taking her hand in his free one, his other hand resting on her cheek ran down to her chin and raised it gently, ‘I loved you from the moment that I saw you in that ridiculously seductive red corset with your come hither looks and dropped strap. I loved you even before that; from the moment I first saw you for who you are I was lost to you. I loved you from the moment I recognised the compassion you hold within your heart and I loved you long before we made love.’

He looked into her eyes, searching for some kind of hope yet fearing that it was gone, lost to him forever. ‘May it is yours as is my heart, just say the word but if it is too late, if you can’t find it in your heart; if you truly can’t forgive me then I will go. You will never hear from me again. I will always support Victor, that goes without saying and I will always love you both until the day that I die but I won’t be a burden to you I promise.’

His heart was in his mouth and he feared he wouldn’t hear her answer over the pounding in her ears. All the long empty years he had hoped and waited to be able to be near her again and to ask her forgiveness, all the sleepless nights of want and need for her, and all the hopes and dreams of this very moment becoming a reality, they all faded as he held his breath waiting for a response that was so immediate he was elated.

‘Will you forgive me? Will you marry me May?’


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to all those who have stuck with this story that has been years in the writing. 
> 
> From the moment that Lilies screened way back seemingly when and long before True Blood, I had always envisioned this ending and have never deviated from the idea, that it has taken so long to put down on paper can only be attributed to so very many other Moya related stories getting in the way. 
> 
> For those that have taken the time to leave comments a huge thank you - without your input it would not be the same and definitely not worth it. 
> 
> I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed my version of what could have been had there been a second series. Those of you who know me know how very passionate I feel towards the original characters and the empathy I have for one in particular. 
> 
> Lastly a huge shout out to my fellow partner in crime and administrator Billfan80 without who I would not continue writing. Fortunate indeed is the person that finds a sister and kindred spirit in the most unexpected of places. You rock my world.

Epilogue

The silence of the room was deafening to Richard’s ears as he waited for what seemed a life time for May to say something. Anything, even a rebuttal or one of her famous tirades, anything she said he would take in his stride now. After what he had been through he had come to expect that life was full of random chances and this was one of them. His future happiness swung in the balance and was dependent upon a gossamer thread of hope that he still clung to. Could she forgive him? Did she love him still? Was there enough love left in her heart for him? 

She looked up at him and their eyes met. For one fleeting moment the years melted away with all the history of hurts and they were May and Mr Brazendale having tea in a posh restaurant, his hand reaching across to touch her hand, their eyes seeing each other not as employer and employee but as a man and a woman in the first throws of something that was bigger than both of them. Something they secretly they both knew was inevitable and only a matter of time. Useless to fight it or even deny it. That fleeting moment of nervous recognition returning and sending shivers of anticipation through them both.

‘Yes, yes I will marry you Mr Brazendale. I will marry you in a heartbeat. I love you Richard and that’s all there is to it,’ she laughed as he took her in his arms and all the anguish and pent up emotional turmoil of the last few years disappeared as their lips met in a passionate fervour that could no longer be denied to them. ‘I love you May Moss,’ he told her over and over again as he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her nose and held her face to his, ‘I love you. I want us to be married as soon as possible. I don’t want to wait we have waited too long as it is.’ ‘Yes Richard we have, far too long,’ she told him, ‘but we will have to wait a bit longer until we can manage to organise the wedding I suppose.’ ‘Let’s run away together just the three of us,’ he joked but he knew it just wasn’t possible, so they bided their time and resolved to say nothing for the moment unless it was absolutely necessary. 

Margo had a secret that only one other person knew about and it wasn’t her dearest friend May. It was Madame Rose Marie who had been taken into her confidence way back when she had gone to her with May and had her first appointment. After May had told her at the time of her plans to marry Frank, Margo had commissioned Madame to make a wedding dress for her in secret. Not even Ruby knew of the request at the time because May had told Margo of her plans in secret. So when May had come to her and announced that she was to marry Richard, Margo was ecstatic and insisted that not only would she provide her with her wedding dress but also with her trousseau, her kindness producing tears of gratitude not only for her generosity but for the undying and devout friendship she had given her over the time they had known each other. 

May and Richard decided to wait until Iris and John had returned from their fortnight honey moon before they broke the news to the family. In fact, other than telling Margo and Stephen and swearing them both to secrecy, they kept their news and their meetings to themselves and that wasn’t easy on two scores. One, it was not an easy task explaining things to Victor in a manner that he would understand the need to keep silent and two, they yearned to be with each other every waking moment that they could. After waiting so long to be together the thought of keeping apart for even two weeks was almost more than they could endure. 

The rest of Iris’s wedding reception had been a nightmare for the two of them with longing looks that had almost given the game away. Richard did have to offer a general explanation of his attendance that seemed to be accepted and even admired. It even afforded him a reasonable excuse to spend the night getting further acquainted with Victor too but as far as their future plans, neither one of them felt it right to announce their happy news then and there as they wanted nothing to take away from Iris’s big day. So they waited.

The moment that the honeymooners returned May called a family meeting, using the excuse that they would give Iris and her new husband a welcome home afternoon tea and all the family were requested to be there. They timed Richard’s arrival perfectly and judging by the surprised looks on everyone’s faces giving testament to how very well they had kept their secret, they threw caution to the wind by announcing that they were to be married as soon as possible and requested their attendance at their wedding which was to be held not in a church but at the beach as per Victor’s request, the unconventionality of the service causing just as much of a shock to the gathering than the actual marriage.

The happy couple were defiant and rather oblivious to the any objections that may have arisen and even if they had been aware of any supposed grumblings or discord, which there weren’t any anyway, they would not have given a toss if there had been. To hell with convention was their attitude and that was how they meant to live the rest of their lives. 

Dada Moss gave his approval happy to see May finally settled having seemingly made a good marriage after all. He went on to live to the ripe old age of ninety eight, long enough to see his grandchildren and great grandchildren born and raised by all his three daughters and proud he was of each and every one of them.

Iris and John had three children, all girls and John could not have been happier. They lived a good life, John’s engineering business was a success and during the Second World War his designs and manufacturing played a part in the effort to defend Britain. 

Billy eventually bought out the partnership of the club from Stephen, Richard and George and went on to open a string of clubs across the country. During the Second World War he enlisted in the entertainment area of the armed services and became an integral part of the effort to keep the troops moral up through the trying times. After the war during the fifties, his interest in the new era of music coming from the States led him into the management field of entertainers and he became an agent to many of the emerging rock and roll stars of the era. That was how he came to meet the love of his life, an aspiring guitar player in a Liverpool band and he spent the rest of his life with him. 

Ruby and Stephen were inseparable from the very first time they went out to dinner so it was only a matter of time before they too became engaged and then married. After selling out his share of the club to Billy, Stephen and his new wife moved to Paris for some time while Ruby studied under the tutelage of top designers and Stephen immersed himself in the area of art before moving back to England at the start of the Second World War. Despite the austerity measures of the times they opened a successful dress salon and survived the Blitz, going on to create a world renowned label. Stephen’s paintings became much sort after and the gallery that he opened became a huge success. They raised a boy and a girl and could not have been happier. 

After some time Frank Gadney begged for forgiveness. Racked by guilt and shame for his actions he was so apologetic that both May and Richard accepted his heart felt pleas for understanding. Several years later when it was announced Frank would marry none other than Queenie Higgs formerly from the post office, May could not have been happier for him. He had six children to Queenie and became the Post Master retiring after years of service a widower, marrying for a second time and having a further three children, dying at the age of eighty three in complete and total domestic bliss. 

As for May and Richard, theirs was a love story that stood the test of time. They married of course and gave Victor the present that he had long dreamed of, a baby sister followed two years later by the twins – identical and both boys and then another sister a year after that. Richard was there for every one of his children’s births, breaking protocol for the times and insisting on coaching her through her labour. Whether it was because he was there with her or not she had easy and uncomplicated births for her other four children, even the twins when they came, and they shared the miracle of birth together. 

Having lost years of their time together they let nothing stand in their way of living their lives to the full and despite having their children they frequently travelled the world, in particular the Middle East, Italy and France, when Richard’s business commitments allowed for extended periods of absence that is.

Right up until the outbreak of war they made a point of taking some kind of trip abroad with the whole family in tow every year and they both loved every minute of it, Richard even boasting that every single one of their children other than Victor were all conceived in the most romantic or exotic places in the world and claiming the twins were living proof that Paris was definitely the most romantic of all cities much to May’s embarrassment.

They adored travelling by any mode of transport, Victor of course was over the moon when they travelled by plane but he was like his parents and loved travelling on the Orient Express as well, with its luxurious appointments, just as the rest of the children as they came into being did too. Seeing far flung places and having more than one adventure on their travels strengthened the love they had for each other if that was possible and gave the children a sound background in a wide range of diverse cultures, customs and economic conditions on all levels. 

The shipping business that had belonged to Richard’s Father came into importance during the Second World War and kept him busy and successful. After the war he, along with Stephen, Billy and John combined their forces to form a charitable trust to assist returned soldiers coping with post-traumatic stress disorders and physical disabilities due to injuries sustained in the conflict. They were much sought after on the lecture circuit and applauded for their untiring contributions to the well being of those unable to cope with the horrors they had experienced. In the late sixties they each received recognition for their achievements by way of an award and eventually left a legacy of a large and well established institution for future generations.

May lived a happy life with Richard and her children, assisting him with his business ventures and charitable good works. During the long years of the war when Richard was much occupied with the company’s war effort she took to writing, spending her morning hours in their drawing room after the children were in school, the silence of the empty room bringing her a peace that had settled on her heart the moment that she had said yes to marrying him. 

She wrote of her experiences living in a world that had very much changed for her and for everyone, a time that even though to outsiders may have seen harsh and relentless, never the less it had its own merits. 

She reflected on family and the importance of it in one’s life, how when all else may fail you really when it came down to it, it didn’t matter if you were living in a mansion or amongst the squalor of a tenement or a two up two down with an outside privy, what mattered was knowing that you were wanted and that there was someone always there to love you.

She wrote a book loosely based on her own experience and much to her surprise it became a best seller and was even turned into a movie. All the family were invited to the premier when it opened and there were a lot of jokes and snide remarks amongst them all when they sat watching some of their favourite stars portraying them on the screen. There were tears too from both May and Richard during some of the scenes, remembrances of those times when their love was torn apart by circumstance. 

At the end of the movie when the others were talking amongst themselves of how much they had enjoyed it May and Richard sat holding each other’s hands gazing into each other’s eyes, neither speaking, there was no need to. They both knew what the other was thinking and the love between them could not be put into adequate words. 

The movie was a success both in England and in the states and led to her being much sought after as a writer. She continued on with her writing, the money she made she put to good use setting up refuges for unmarried mothers, a place for girls to go that did not have the family understanding or social approval afforded to herself and that were in desperate need of a safe haven. 

As a fitting testament for their love for each other and as happens with couples who have been as close for as many years as May and Richard were, they died on the very same day, neither one of them caring to live in a world without the other. 

They had lived long lives and had seen all their children go on to be successful in their own right but always reminded them of where they came from and how privileged they were to be in a position to help those less fortunate. Till the day they died regardless of whatever the occasion was, they kept a bottle of HP sauce on their dining table just as a reminder of by gone days for them both and many was the time when it was just the two of them alone together May would recite the label in French just for their own amusement.

As time went by it gave them so much pride and pleasure to see Victor become one of the leading specialists in the field of speech therapy, their oldest daughter took up nursing and midwifery, the twins going into medicine too, one becoming a psychologist specialising in post-traumatic stress disorders and suicide prevention, and the other a gynaecologist and paediatrician. The baby of the family took over the family business and followed in both her father and grandfather’s footsteps. 

On the very last day of their lives as they sat together in their drawing room in a comfortable silence, holding each other’s hand, Richard turned to May. ‘We do love each other don’t we?’ he smiled at her, his still blue clear eyes blazing out at her. It wasn’t a question really it was a statement or even an understatement. 

‘We always have and we always will,’ she smiled at him and the years fell away and once again they were May and her Mr Brazendale, young and in love just as they always would be. 

FINIS


End file.
